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Mon 24 Dec, 2012 05:04 pm
Hi, I have a friend, a neighbour really, I would occasionally drop in for coffee, have a chat and then go. I guess I would see her once a week, but she never comes to my home for a coffee. I have asked her many times. Often when I am at her house, I feel rushed like she is trying to get rid of me so I get the message and go. Now if I don't go to see her for a few weeks, she never bothers to contact me, don't get me wrong if we meet in between times she is not unfriendly in any way and alwys stops to chat. I contacted her recently and asked if was ok to call round and see her it being christmas eve and she said that was fine. But as I was just about to leave my home I noticed that she had left a christmas present at my back door. Sorry but doesn't this seem odd behaviour to you. By the way there has been no row or bad feeling between us so I find this all a bit strange. Am I a bit slow on the uptake or does she not want me visiting her. Clueless.
@poppypuss,
It sounds like she is just not the kind of person who likes having visitors or being super friends with people just because they are neighbors. Her behaviour doesn't sound disrespectful. You should give her the space she seems to want.
@poppypuss,
It doesn't sound disrespectful at all.
She likes you as a neighbour, but doesn't think of you as best friends. It seems to me that she's made that perfectly clear.
@poppypuss,
poppypuss wrote: Sorry but doesn't this seem odd behaviour to you.
Yes, your behaviour does seem odd to me.
Your neighbour doesn't want to visit you for coffee, she tries to rush you out when you drop in ( I really dislike people doing the drop-in), she doesn't contact you and drops a gift off to prevent you coming to her home. She couldn't give you much bigger clues that you are a neighbour not a friend.
Wait for an invitation to have coffee with her.
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:I really dislike people doing the drop-in
Me too. Not everybody is all touchy-feely-let's be-big-pals-with-everybody. At home when I am not at work I generally have my free time all planned out and I would really hate it if for example I have planned to go out or read a book or surf the web or whatever and the doorbell goes and it's just the guy/gal next door wanting to chew the fat about his dog's bowel ailment or some damn fool football team or his car or her damn baby that we hear screaming from dusk to dawn anyway.
My partner and I have got our friends educated to call on the phone first if they need to see us for anything. Luckily all our relatives live hundreds or thousands of miles away! Her mom rings every Sunday at 5:45 PM and my dad at around 7 PM. Also we do not like to live in neighbors or relatives or friends pockets or have them live in ours. Many people are like this. It's not being unfriendly, at least we don't think so, and if people don't like it, well, tough.
@poppypuss,
"
she never comes to my home for a coffee.
I have asked her many times. Often when I am at her house,
I feel rushed like she is trying to get rid of me so I get the message and go. Now if I don't go to see her for a few weeks,
she never bothers to contact me,"
Reread your own words and see if you can't figure it out.
I don't like people dropping in, either - i would find that quite annoying. But I'm so blunt I would just say it's a bad time and please call first next time.
Why don't you ask her to go to a restaurant for coffee instead of always dropping over to her house. Do you ever bring the coffee or something to eat?
This relationship seems to be one sided. I did not pick up one thing that YOU do for her.
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