Reply Mon 8 Oct, 2012 11:53 pm
When you see someone doing something better than you do, you feel envy. I have come to the realization that I suffer and I suffer from depression because I feel envy to extreme lengths.

I specifically feel that because I see someone doing something academic better, way better than I do. I can study with the aim to catch up with him. But what if I don't succeed in doing so? I fear I can't accomplish my aim. And my fear tastes very bad.

To the depths of my mind, the fear of being unsuccessful is instilled. I go to find out the roots of my fear, I see that I fear of losing. I am asking, isn't that true for most of us? We fear of losing. Our power, friends, parents, relatives, soul, partners, wealth.

Envy, I guess, stem from fear. Fear is the resultant of approaching lose, defeat and failure.

I wrote tons of irrelevant things to the title. Then I am concluding, by asking my question, how do you cope with, how do you deal with envy?
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 1,654 • Replies: 7
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Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2012 05:36 am
@cicibebe,
I can't speak for most of us. But I don't feel envy when I see someone do something better than I can. I may feel inspired to do better if I care about what's being done. Or I might shrug and say, OK, I'm not good at that. No big deal.

I think you might be focusing on the wrong thing. Instead of comparing yourself to others, why not just focus on yourself. Do the best you can, and stop worrying about how you compare.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2012 06:16 am
Agree with Roberta. Each of us is special in different ways. If someone does better on a test than you, it doesn't necessarily mean they're smarter - maybe they just understood the questions better or had a better memory. Why worry how others are doing? Just concentrate on what you're doing and you'll save yourself a lot of grief.
dalehileman
 
  0  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2012 01:27 pm
@cicibebe,
Quote:
, how do you deal with envy?
Develop a more realistic view. I hope others might be more specific
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Dec, 2012 06:35 pm
@Mame,
I agree with Mame and Roberta and will add that we all have different brains.

I spent a lot of years wanting to be a doctor, and I enjoyed reading the history of medicine as an early teen and studying chemistry and zoology and so on in school. We also had low money as a family and I worked a lot of hours when I was at the university. Few women were admitted to any of the United States medical schools back in the very early sixties, the most usual number for the large majority of the schools being none.
But some women in some places did get into the schools, even before all the civil rights changes in the US in the mid and later sixties. I was very smart in some classes (biophysics/histology was one) and dumb as could be in a few others, and that dumbness wasn't all due to being tired.

Later the admission policies changed a great deal and near contemporary female pals were getting admitted to med and law schools. I wasn't envious, had moved on. I knew by then I'd never be a terrific surgeon (etc.) and started getting interested in art and architecture in after hours (night classes). I went back to school in those fields and excelled. Besides excelling, I was liking it all, no matter how hard I worked in the new fields, even when I was exhausted, I loved it all.

In retrospect, I should have paid attention when I liked drawing house plans at ten... but I didn't.

I'm not sorry I liked medicine first - having more than one interest in my lifetime makes my "world view" more expansive. But it turned out my brain was a happier match for my newer interests.

I also started out a pretty isolated and narrow minded young person, and by virtue of meeting people different than I was (the university was a shock, in a good way) and hearing how they thought, I got - gradually - a more encompassing view of what goes on with people.

I notice that you post about a strong bias about some people, and post about almost crippling envy of some others.

It's possible to snap out of that and think of yourself "in their shoes".
I recommend it.
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carisa
 
  0  
Reply Fri 13 Nov, 2015 04:53 pm
@cicibebe,
Matuda:)
I've been exploring the same emotion...envy could be so strong and scary because you don't know exactly when it started..but if you recognize it,then you should act on it...you should find out why...you should ask yourself if the things you envy are really the things you want in your life...I think you are trying to find somebody to guide you,so you don't feel those fears anymore...you should belief in yourself and try to find your own path,don't rely on someone else's path..make your own footprints...and there is your freedom!do not look for approval anywhere but in yourself1
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Nov, 2015 06:20 pm
@carisa,
You're reply is about 3 yrs late as this was a dead thread. you might want to know that the OP is no longer an active participant in the forum.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Nov, 2015 06:31 pm
@Ragman,
Yeah, but I still like my response to the thread.
0 Replies
 
 

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