Oddball and Screwball Lyrics

Some country/hillbilly lines and titles:

Slap 'im down again maw
Make him tell us where he's been

Grandmaw
Why did they shoot poor grandmaw
She lies beneath the clover
Someone caught her bending over
Picking up a daisy

She was hotter than a two dollar pistol
Fastest thing around

The Bonzo Dog Band had tons of great screwy songs. Today I am two separate gorillas...

Here is part of a 1920s novelty song I had once on a 78 (please forgive the then-fashionable racism)

Oo-oo, the Happy Hottentot has got, got, got, got
Got a lot of something, and you know just what I mean.
No, I don't mean gasoline!
Oo, oo, and I'm telling you

[memory lapse]

Oo, oo, there'll be a lot of you to stew, too, stew, too,
And I'm telling you
That all her loyal Zulu band
Will stand with empty plates in hand
To meet you, greet you, glad to eat you!
Happy Hottentot!

I'd appreciate additions to the lyrics from any 20s freaks out there. I last heard the song thirty years ago and my memory is vague.

I'm pretty knowledgeable about lots of old songs, but that one I never heard.

Amazing! I just stumbled upon a website:
www.fieldnotebook.com/victrola/hottentot.html
which not only gives the lyrics, but a photo of the disc label and the following info: Performed by Miss Patricola, written by William Jerome & Harry von Tilzer (there's a familiar Tin Pan Alley name), released 1920s. The writer also points out what a hash the writers made of geography and ethnography both.

THE HAPPY HOTTENTOT

Listen while I sing to you
Unh! Unh! Roop-a-loop-a-loo!
Of a girl in Timbuctu.
Unh! Unh! Doo-ah-rinky-doo.
In her nose she wears a ring
Gosh! Ding! Pretty little thing!
She will lamp you then she'll vamp you,
Fall time then means spring.
Cuck-oo! Some stew! The birds now sing for you!
Oh, ho! This happy Hottentot has got
Got got got
Got a dinner pot that seems to say I welcome you.
Jump right in and join our stew!
And oh, whoa! There'll be a lot of you to stew
Stew stew stew
I'm a telling you when all her royal Zulu band
Wait with empty plates in hand
To meet you, greet you
Glad to eat you!
Happy Hottentot.

In her hut behind the hill
Hill! Hill! She's a daffodil!
Listen to the whippoorwill
Lil! Lil! She is dressed to kill.
Queen of all the Hottentots
Tots! Tots! Rotten Hottentots
When she dances she entrances
Every move's a treat.
She moves, she moves,
Her moves are hard to beat.

Oh! Oh! This happy Hottentot has got
Got got got
Got an awful lot
Of something, you know what I mean.
No, I don't mean gasoline!
But, oh whoa!
She does a funny little step
Step step step
Shows a lot of pep
And if the night is nice and warm
She will feast in perfect form
To host you, toast you,
Then she'll roast you
Happy Hottentot.

Oh! Whoa! Whoa! This happy Hottentot has got
Got got got
Got an awful lot
Of ways that make you fall somehow.
Oh boy, she's the cat's meow!
And, oh whoa! There never was another vamp
Vamp vamp vamp
Who was such a champ.
She'll make a present, you will bring
Then she'll start and crown you king
She'll woo you, coo you,
Then she'll stew you
Happy Hottentot.

I know this is an old thread, but I had to put in my 2 cents on Tori Amos lyrics being extremely weird.
Samples:

"She's a Beauty Queen
my sweet been bag in the street
take it
down out to the laundry scene
don't know why she's in my hand
can't figure what it is
but I lie again"

"off with Superfly
sniffing a Sharpie pen
honey it's Bill and Ben
off with Superfly
counting your bees
oh me honey like
one two three"

"ran into some confusion with a Mrs Crocodile
furry mussels marching on
she thinks she's Kaiser Wilhelm
or a civilised syllabub
to blow your mind
figure it out
she's a goodtime fella
she's got a little fund to fight for Moneypenny's rights"

"I'm you again
racing turtles
the grapefruit is winning
seems i keep getting this story twisted
so where's Neil when you need him
deck the halls"

This thread's an oldie, but a goodie. Personally, I don't think an old thread should be let to languish for that reason.

Always happy to help out edgar:

"It was Homecoming Night at my high school
Everyone was there, it was totally cool
I was real excited, I almost wet my jeans
'Cause my best friend Debbie was Homecoming Queen
She looked so pretty in pink chiffon. (Chiffon)
Riding the float with her tiara on. (Tiara on)
Holding this humongous bouquet in her hand. (Bouquet)
She looked straight out of Disneyland!
You know that Cinderella ride
I mean definitely an E-ticket. (E-ticket)
The crowd was cheering, everyone was stoked
I mean it was like the whole school was totally coked or something.
The band was playing 'Evergreen'
Then all of a sudden, somebody screamed:
Look out! The Homecoming Queen's got a GUN!!!

Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen's got a gun!
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen has got a gun!
Debbie's smiling, and waving her gun
Picking off cheerleaders one by one
Oh! Buffy's pom poms just blew to bits
Oh no, Misty's head just did the splits!
My best friend is on a shooting spree
Stop it, Debbie, you're embarrassing me!
How could you do what you just did
Are you having a really bad period?

Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen's got a gun!
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen has got a gun!
Stop it, Debbie, you're making a mess
Powder burns all over your dress
An hour later, ,the cops had arrived
By then the entire glee club had died - no big loss
You wouldn't believe what they brought to stop
Tear gas, machine guns... even a chopper!
Throw down your gun and tiara and come out of that float!
Debbie didn't listen to what the cop said,
She aimed and fired, and now the math teacher's dead!
Oh, it's really sad, but kinda of a relief,
I mean we had this big test coming up next week...

Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen's got a gun!
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen has got a gun!
Debbie's really having a blast!
She's wasted half of the class!
The cops fired a warning shot and she dove off that float.
I tried to scream Duck! but it stuck in my throat.
She hit the ground and did a flip; it was real acrobatic.
But I was crying so hard, I couldn't work my Instamatic.
I ran down to Debbie, I had to find out.
What made her do it, why'd she freak out?
I saw the bullet had got her right in the ear.
I knew then... the end was near.

So I ran down and said in her good ear.
Debbie, why'd you do it?
She raised her head and smiled and said.
I did it for Johnny.
Johnny, well like whose Johnny? Answer me Debbie whose Johnny.
Does anybody here named Johnny?
Are you Johnny? There was one guy named Johnny.
But he was a total geek. He always had food in his braces.
Answer me Debbie whose Johnny.
Oh God this is like that movie Citizen King
You know where you later find out Rosemary was a slut
But we'll never know who Johnny is because like she's dead

Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen's got a gun!
Everybody run, the Homecoming Queen has got a
Everybody run
Everybody run the Homecoming Queen's got a"

Edgar is right. This thread is old, but this is the first I've seen of it. Early on, someone mentioned Tom Lehrer:

The Vatican Rag

First you get down on your knees
Fiddle with your rosaries
Bow your head with great respect
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect

Do whatever steps you want if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff
Everybody say his own kyrie eleison
Doin' the Vatican Rag

Get in line in that processional
Step into that small confessional
There, the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original

If it is, try playin' it safer
Drink the wine and chew the wafer
Two, four, six, eight
Time to transubstantiate

So get down upon your knees
Fiddle with your rosaries
Bow your head with great respect
And genuflect, genuflect, genuflect

Make a cross on your abdomen
When in Rome do like a Roman
Ave Maria, gee it's good to see ya
Gettin' ecstatic an' sorta dramatic an'
Doin' the Vatican Rag

I'm also a fan of Red Peters:

Rocket In My Pants
Red Peters with the Joy Kingoff Singers

I took the shuttle to your pad last nite
my Venus rising as you held it so tight
you had me in a trance
I got a rocket in my pants
over you.

Alpha Centuri wasn't far from the scene
Aurora Borealis, I don't know what that means
cuz when you said let's dance
I got a rocket in my pants
over you.

BRIDGE
Two hearts traveling on vacation
one fine Sunday afternoon
my pod enters your space station
my capsule was upright
so I parked it overnite

And so two space ships that pass in the sky
have docked successfully the very first try
an astronomical romance
I got a rocket in my pants
over you.

(instrumental)

my pod enters your space station
my Sputnik fit so tight
I launched a satellite

And so two space ships that pass in the sky
have docked successfully the very first try
an astronomical romance
I got a rocket in my pants
over you.

an astronomical romance (where the f is France?)
an astronomical romance
I got a rocket in my pants
over you.

Dreamed of a reefer, bout 5 feet long
Might Mez, but not too strong
You'll be high, but not for long
When youz a viper.