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Thu 12 Dec, 2002 07:05 am
Of course the masters in this category are numerous and diverse - as diverse as Spike Jones, Roger Miller and Ray Stevens, for instance.
Here is one celebrating people who are fat. Remember I make no judgement on fat. It is a fact of life for many and I have no axe to grind posting this.
HUGGIN AND CHALKIN by Clancy Hayes and Kermit Goell
I gotta gal that's mighty sweet
With blue eyes and tiny feet
Her name is Rosabelle Magee
And she tips the scale at three o three
Oh gee But ain't it grand to have girl so big and fat
That when you hug 'er you don't know where you're at
You have to take a piece of chalk in your hand
And hug away and chalk a mark to see where you began
One day when I was huggin and a chalkin and a chalkin and huggin away
I met another fella with some chalk in his hand
Comin around the other way
Over the mountain
Comin around the other way
Nobody ever said I'm weak
My bones don't ache and my joints don't creak
But I grow absolutely limp
Every time I kiss my baby blimp.
Here's a link one of my coworker's sent to the office:
The Penis Song
If you're at work, be careful about opening this page in an open-plan office--mildly x-rated lyrics.
lizzy borden took an axe and gave her mother 40 wacks
when the job was neatly done, she gave her father 41
you can't chop your mamma up in Massachutusuetts
Massachutusetts is a far cry from New York.
If i had a wife
The plague of me life
I tell ya what i would do
I'd buy her a boat
And put her afloat
And paddle me own canoe
To expand on what Monger posted, check out this site:
The Good Doctor
I listen to his program every Sunday morning, even get up early to listen . . .
Kinky Friedman's "They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore" is a hoot!
Danny Kaye "The Maladjusted Jester"...
Anything by Nine Inch Nails... Oh! You mean screwy on purpose......ok... (see "Gray would be the color if I had a heart", but that's a whole other topic...)
Tom Lehrer: The only man to rhyme "importance" or "Lady Chatterly".
"Stories of tortures
used by debauchers--
urid, licentious and vile!--
Make me smile.."
spike jones, spike jones, spike jones.... his birthday was on December 13th.
Hi Lenny
Sorry to have started this thread and then to have neglected it. Just so busy of late.
The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades - Timbuk 3
I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
I've got a job waiting for my graduation
Fifty thou a year -- buys a lot of beer
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
Well I'm heavenly blessed and worldly wise
I'm a peeping-tom techie with x-ray eyes
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
I study nuclear science
I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doing all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades
I gotta wear shades, I gotta wear shades
Hi Lenny Can you give me a link to that Kinky Friedman song please?
Here are couple of Belfast Street Songs - we children would sing or recite.
"YOU MIGHT EASY KNOW A DOFFER"
(Doffers and a weavers were employed in the Linen Trade in Northern Ireland in the l9th and 20th Cs.)
"You might easy know a doffer
When she comes into Town
With her long yellow hair
and her pickers hanging down
With her rubber tied before her
And her scraper in her hand
You will easy know a doffer
For she'll always get a man.
Oh she'll always get a man
She will always get a man
You might easy know a doffer
For she'll always get a man.
You might easy know a weaver
When she comes into town
With her oul' greasy hair
And her scissors hanging down.
With her shawl around her shoulders
And a shuttle in her hand
You will easy know a weaver
For she'll never get a man
No she'll never get a man
No she'll never get a man
You will easy know a weaver
For she'll never get a man.
There was a distinct class rivalry between various elements in the Linen Weaving Trade.
************************************************************
The following verse originated after the one (and only) time that Belfast was bombed during World War Two.
"Tramp, Tramp, Tramp, The Troops are Marching
Two Big Jerries at the door
If you do not let me in
I will hit you on the chin
And you'll never see your granny any more.
*************************************************************
The following was written by Raymond Calvert:
Walter might not appreciate this!
In a mean abode on the Shankhill Road
Lived a man named William Bloat;
He had a wife, the curse of his life,
Who continually got his goat.
So one day at Dawn, with her Nightdress on
He cut her bloody throat.
With a razor gash, he settled her hash,
Oh never was a crime so quick
But the drip, drip, drip on the pillowslip
Of her life-blood made him sick.
And the pool of gore on the bedroom floor
Grew clotted and cold and thick.
And yet he was glad that he done what he had
When she lay there stiff and still
But a sudden awe of the angry law
Struck his heart with an icy Chill.
So to finish the fun so well begun
He resolved himself to kill.
He took the sheet from the wife's coul' feet
And twisted it into a rope
And he hanged himself from the pantry shelf
'Twas an easy end, let's hope.
In the face of death, with his latest breath
He solemnly cursed the Pope.
But the strangest turn to the whole concern
Is only just beginning.
He went to Hell, but the wife got well
And she's still alive and sinning.
For the razor blade was German Made
But the Sheet was Belfast Linen
Well let me tell the story about Ahab the Arab
The shiek of the burning sand
He had diamonds and emeralds dripping offa him
And a ring on every finger of his hand
And every evening about midnight
He'd get on his camel named Clyde - and ride
Silently through the night
To where he'd meet up with Fatima of the seven veils
Cause like him and her had this thing goin on, you know
And he talked to his camel as he rode through the night air
&#$*^*$!^!#+#~~#~~+#*(*^$*!&(~+_
Which is Aramaic for "On Clyde On you big old camel"
And Clyde he'd say "ERUHH ERUHHH"
Which is camel for "Don't rush me man I'm going just as fast as I can"
Well he jumped offa his camel went around the corner
And into the tent he went
There she lay, friends and neighbors, eatin on a grape two pomegranites a Hershey bar sippin on a ROC of Coca Cola and she looks at him and she says
"A-huh Ahuh A Hi-i-i-i-i ah Crazy, Baby"
And Ahab says %$$%*&^&)((*^&*&^%*P)#^%^(+
Which is Aramaic for "Let's twist again like we did last summer."
(round and round and round and round and round)
And that's the story about Ahab the Arab
The shiek of the burning sand
Does anybody have the full text of this lyric? It was the flip side of TRANSFUSION, sung by Nervous Norvis.
APE CALL
... Pteradactyl flying through the a-
I - I thought I'd break in and tell you what a pteradactyl was
It was kind of a birdlike batlike thing that flew around looking for -
Say, cats, we haven't changed a bit have we?
Ape call doodliaba
Ape Call doodliaba
No, but "who let the dogs out" is still one of my favorites. Did it have any other lines?
Stewball by Peter, Paul and Mary
Oh Stewball was a racehorse, and I wish he were mine.
He never drank water, he always drank wine.
His bridle was silver, his mane it was gold.
And the worth of his saddle has never been told.
Oh the fairgrounds were crowded, and Stewball was there
But the betting was heavy on the bay and the mare.
And a-way up yonder, ahead of them all,
Came a-prancin' and a-dancin' my noble Stewball.
I bet on the grey mare, I bet on the bay
If I'd have bet on ol' Stewball, I'd be a free man today.
Oh the hoot owl, she hollers, and the turtle dove moans.
I'm a poor boy in trouble, I'm a long way from home.
Oh Stewball was a racehorse, and I wish he were mine.
He never drank water, he always drank wine.
(I love this song)
"Elvis is Everywhere"
Mojo Nixon
When I look out into your eyes out there,
When I look out into your faces,
You know what I see?
I see a little bit of Elvis
In each and every one of you out there.
Lemme tell ya...
Weeeeeeeeeellllllll...
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Elvis is everywhere, man!
He's in everything.
He's in everybody...
Elvis is in your jeans.
He's in your cheesburgers
Elvis is in Nutty Buddies!
Elvis is in your mom!
He's in everybody.
He's in the young, the old,
the fat, the skinny,
the white, the black
the brown and the blue
people got Elvis in 'em too
Elvis is in everybody out there.
Everybody's got Elvis in them!
Everybody except one person that is...
Yeah, one person!
The evil opposite of Elvis.
The Anti-Elvis
Anti-Elvis got no Elvis in 'em,
lemme tell ya.
Michael J. Fox has no Elvis in him.
And Elvis is in Joan Rivers
but he's trying to get out, man!
He's trying to get out!
Listen up Joanie Baby!
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Man, there's a lot of unexplained phenomenon
out there in the world.
Lot of things people say
What the heck's going on?
Let me tell ya!
Who built the pyramids?
ELVIS!
Who built Stonehenge?
ELVIS!
Yeah, man you see guys
walking down the street
pushing shopping carts
and you think they're talking to allah,
they're talking to themself.
Man, no they're talking to ELVIS!
ELVIS! ELVIS!
You know whats going on in that Bermuda Triangle?
Down in the Bermuda Traingle
Elvis needs boats.
Elvis needs boats.
Elvis Elvis Elvis
Elvis Elvis Elvis
Elvis needs boats.
Aahh! The Sailing Elvis!
Captain Elvis!
Commodore Elvis it is.
Yeah man, you know people from outer space,
people from outer space they come up to me.
They don't look like like Doctor Spock.
They don't look like Klingons,
all that Star Trek jive.
They look like Elvis.
ELVIS!
Everybody in outer space looks like Elvis.
Cause Elvis is a perfect being.
We are all moving in perfect peace and harmony towards Elvisness
Soon all will become Elvis.
Everything everywhere will be Elvis.
Why do you think they call it evolution anyway?
It's really Elvislution!
Elvislution!
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
That's right ladies and gentlemen,
The time has come!
Time has come to talk
To that little bit of Elvis inside of you.
Talk to it!
Call it up!
Say "Elvis, heal me!"
"Save me, Elvis!"
"Make me be born again
in the perfect Elvis light"
That's right!
You've got that Elvis inside of ya
and he's talkin to ya
He says he wants you to sing!
Everybody's got to sing like the king!
Like the king
Get that leg going now
Get your lip too.
Not no fool Billy Idol lip either
Everybody!
Yeah, we're rockin now!
Elvis is with us.
He's with us and he's speaking to us.
He says "Peoples!"
"Peoples!"
"Everybody!"
"Everybody got to sing!"
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Elvis!
Or formerly in my basement!!!!
Stumble It!
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