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Elderly care - with family or in retirement homes?

 
 
Reply Sun 12 Aug, 2012 12:40 pm
When I go to Spain, every other summer, I see that in my mother's side, the elders stay home. Some are healthy, full of vigor who are still living the life, while one of my mom's sister in law has arranged a paid carer due to the frail health of the individual.
My grandma is now 84years old and lives at home with us. My mother has mentioned once or twice that since parents take care of their children and raise them up, the kids should respect and take care of them when they need it, even though the elders may not ask for it. As far as she is concerned, taking care of aging parents is an obligation.

The elders definitely need love coming from the people they love and raised.
So why is American culture more favoring towards nursing homes or retirement homes?

I think an elder person has the freedom to choose whichever is more preferable, but is retirement homes as great as living with your kids/ your own family?
 
Eva
 
  2  
Reply Sun 12 Aug, 2012 03:05 pm
@Atom Blitzer,
Some elderly have physical conditions that require round-the-clock skilled nursing care that their family is not qualified or set up to provide. Some elderly do not have family to take care of them, or do not wish to live with their remaining family members. Some families cannot afford for one person to quit their job(s) to take care of an elderly family member who requires full-time care. There are many reasons, and a lot of them are good ones.

You wrote: "The elders definitely need love coming from the people they love and raised." We agree on that. I just don't believe it's best for the elderly to live with family members in all cases. There are many ways to express love for someone, and making sure they are in a living situation that best fits their needs is surely one of them.

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Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Aug, 2012 07:02 am
@Atom Blitzer,
It depends on the care required. If it is simply that you have an elderly parent/grandparent that doesn’t require must assistance for example, can get around on their own, but might need a little help it is quite different than one that is bedridden and needs assistance 24/7. I’ve indirectly have seen both.

Also, in the US – having in home care is like you mentioned is extremely expensive in the US. My grandmother lived with my parents for a while after having a fall. However, once the care got beyond above, where she needed greater care, lifting, helping showering, even cleaning after having accidents. It was way too much and too difficult a burden. It is much more difficult to care for a grown adult that needs all the care of infant than an infant and many people just cannot physically or mentally handle it.

It isn’t lack of love – my mom went to visit daily when my grandmother was then moved to a nursing home. She was physically unable to care for the level of care she required and was unable to financially support in home care. Unfortunately my grandmother would be covered for care in a nursing home but not in home care.
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Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Aug, 2012 07:09 am
@Atom Blitzer,
I’ve also seen this with my husband’s grandparents. He was trustee and had power of attorney if his grandmother was unable to care for herself. She ended up having Alzheimer’s and then a fatal tumor. His grandfather had never written one bill and so was unable to take care of the finances. Having a good amount of money, they were able to at first have in home care for his grandmother so they could continue to live in their home.

As his grandmother took a turn for the worst, her care increased and even with the amount of money they had saved up, it was just too much. My husband arranged with assisted living which is also very expensive, but less than in home care. His grandmother really needed someone there that had medical knowledge. The grandmother’s only daughter (my husband’s mom) worked and couldn’t stay with them nor was she medically knowledgeable to give the care necessary. The grandfather needed certain medicine that his wife used to take care of and make sure he was taking – but now with her being ill couldn’t even take care of herself so it was necessary they move to a different situation even though they would have preferred to stay in their home.
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PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Mon 13 Aug, 2012 12:26 pm
I did not want to be nurse, caretaker and housekeeper to my mother. I wanted to be her daughter. So a nursing home did all the things I could not. I saw her almost every day. She slept a lot. I am at peace with the care she got until her death last Sept. The staff at the nursing home grieved as much as I did.
Mak54291
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Aug, 2012 06:22 pm
@Atom Blitzer,
I'm not agree with your mom about the debt they have. If she can't take care of her own house and wash herself, you need to send her to retirement homes.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Aug, 2012 07:07 pm
@Mak54291,
Many of us cannot send our mothers to retirement homes, nor take good care by ourselves. This is a huge national problem.

Simplistic answers are goofy.
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Atom Blitzer
 
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Reply Mon 13 Aug, 2012 08:21 pm
@PUNKEY,
Sorry to hear that.
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Atom Blitzer
 
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Reply Mon 13 Aug, 2012 08:29 pm
@Mak54291,
Debt? No, you'll be more surprised at the money that my dad throws to get some of his "favorite" antique cars. He has too many favorites in my opinion.
My grandma is healthy and pretty independent for her age and enjoying life. But in case she digress from her good health, my parents already has a good home nursing service in mind.
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JPB
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Aug, 2012 08:30 pm
@Atom Blitzer,
We live in a different time than our parents did when we were young. Grandma never lived with us but she did live with my mother's sister after her stroke. Many of my friends and neighbors had grand and great grandparents living in their homes when I was a child. Most often, as I recall, it was the husband's mother who came to live with her son and his wife took care of her. Today, both the husband and wife are working (if they're lucky) and there's no one home during the day to take care of grandma.
Atom Blitzer
 
  1  
Reply Mon 13 Aug, 2012 08:36 pm
@JPB,
Yes I suppose people nowadays are living longer, sicker.
Both my parents work too, and my grandma I think most of the time that my parents are out of home, she hangs out with old people around the block, gossiping and what not, and she does a lot of gardening. She says it's pretty therapeutic, gardening flowers, etc.
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seosatyanand
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 24 Oct, 2017 11:52 pm
hello Every one..
Good to see your all reply about the Elderly care.i am agree with you
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salifestylevillages
 
  0  
Reply Tue 5 Feb, 2019 04:45 am
@Atom Blitzer,
Old Age Homes are needed for those who can not take care of themselves - daily chores are taxing and they can not do them by themselves; Also because they are alone and there is no company. These are the main reasons. Even in cases where children or relatives are ready to take care of, senior citizens may love independence and liberty and they can afford it in terms of charges and other requirements.
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