*whips out her measuring tape*
A Russian having a permantly bent penis after getting it stuck in a padlock is NOTHING.
I've read a couple of articles - and even more disturbing, seen a few pictures - about a man who had a similar problem. This guy worked at some kind of nuts and bolts factory and he had a curious habit of constricting his penis with a bolted metal bar. Apparently he got kicks out of the way it enlarged his penis while he worked. One day, he found himself unable to remove the contraption. He went on for several days with it stuck on his penis. Eventually, it swelled to LITERALLY a few feet in bloated and bloody circumferance. Had he not gone to the hospital he would have died. As it was, he was on deaths doorstep when he arrived.
Now, I have seen the pictures taken at the hospital. I can say without exaggeration that they are probably the most shocking thing I have ever seen. It is hard to think such a thing is even physically possible. His penis and surrounding tissue accross his stomach was swollen beyond recognition, with various swollen puss-filled sacks, and it was colored char black and deep purple. It was HUGE - a swollen mound of flesh a couple of feet in circumferance with his testicles included, and flaccidly laid out accross his body.
They had to call in somebody to cut it off with a metal saw. They were able to save the guys life, though unfortunately, his penis was history.
I also remember reading an article about a Russian boy who had his penis removed after urinating on an electrical fence. Doctors were replacing it with a flesh toob so that he could urinate the normal way.
I don't wanna hear about this! How awful!
*hides eyes*
Good. Let's stop before someone posts the "vacuum cleaner" stories.
Vacuum cleaner stories????!!!!????
Those stories suck, get it?
Brand X, Monger, Gutavratzenhofer, Kickycan
Thank you very much for answering those questions in the General Section."Penis stuck in padlock." Although I live alone I laughed out loud.
Joe Harris
Hey Joe, if you liked this one, you should check out the "What do you think about during sex?" thread. That one kept me laughing for days!
That was a classic...I have a vacuum cleaner story, but it isn't what I imagine you might imagine...
So . . . don't tease me; what's the vacuum cleaner story?
You mean there are other uses for vacuum cleaners?
Ok - but this is very traumatic - and embarrassing. And, sadly, true.
One VERY hot day I was preparing to have 14 people over for dinner. I was cleaning the dining room, and, since I had airconditioning that could handle two rooms only, I hadn't turned it on in the dining room yet. It was 44 C (112 F) - so it got very hot doing the vacuuming. Hmmmm - solution? Take my clothes off, and clean in the nude...I vacuum happily for a bit. I then decide to dust using the vacuum - take the long nozzle off, hold the truncated nozzle with one hand, while I lean over to grab the dust attachment with the other.....sadly, I do not notice that one of my breasts is perilously close to the strong suction from the bit I am holding - schlooooooooooop.....AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH - my nipple and breast tip are eaten by the beast. I was so shocked and ouching that it took a while to recall what to do, and turn the damn thing off.....
I have never trusted a vacuum cleaner again...
Wow! What a story! I'm glad you shared, dlowan. I know it must have been very painful, but yeah, I am laughing.
dlowan, I just realized you may have been really hurt in that accident. Hopefully you weren't, but if so, I apologize for laughing.
Nah - it was painful but not lasting in its effects...
well then . . . ha ha ha ha!!!!!
Then there is this classic 'cleaning in the buff' story, the first of several versions I've read, starting in 1956.
It was a hot summer afternoon and our heroine had just put a load of clothes in the washer. While she was waiting for the rinse cycle, she looked around the basement, saw a lot of dust and decided to clean up a little. She had her hair in curlers and, not wanting to get a load of dust on her clean coif, she looked for something to cover her head. Her high school age son's football helmet was hanging on a peg and just fit over the curlers nicely. She got to work, turning the radio up loud, dusting here and there when it occurred to her that she could throw the house dress she was wearing in with the load she was already washing. So she takes it off, throws it in with the rest and keeps cleaning, duster in one hand, sponge in the other, helmet on her head, naked as a jaybird.
She hears the buzzer for the rinse cycle, she dances over to the radio, turns it down a little, dances over to the washer just in time to meet the gas meter man face on.
"Lady," he says, "I don't know what team you play for, but I hope they have a winning season."
Joe
That is one funny story Joe! *L* I wonder if it's true. Most of these urban legends start with a grain of truth in them somewhere don't they?
