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Do Watermelons Exist?

 
 
Reply Fri 15 Jun, 2012 07:44 pm
Last week, I found a watermelon at HEB Grocery Store, so large, I thought for a second I could not lift it. Later, as I lugged the monster melon toward the house, it suddenly became weightless. I beheld in my hand a translucence that obscured the melon and made me cognizant of alternate universes and Cro Magnons climbing the Empire State Building. I saw that gods might be real; my atheism was denied me. As red Kool Aid flowed over my palm and coconuts fell away in haphazard directions, I realized for the first time in my lifetime that the melon is holy. I cut it up and saved the hard black seeds to use in a sacrificial ceremony. As smoke spiraled above my land and Punky the dog Arooed, I felt the melon smiling. All was good. I was whole. Thanks, Great Melon
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Type: Discussion • Score: 11 • Views: 2,690 • Replies: 23
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Sturgis
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Jun, 2012 07:55 pm
@edgarblythe,
Have you been taking extra dilaudid again Edgar?


As to watermelons they only exist if you see them being in existentialit surroundings under a cloud of grey previously known as mellow yellow. I personally don't believe in watermelons existing as I've never consumed one while balancing a tray of rare agnostic leprechauns on my earlobes.

So, no, watermelons do not exist. Leastwise not in my haberdashery; though I suspect they may exist elsewhere.
0 Replies
 
farmerman
 
  2  
Reply Fri 15 Jun, 2012 09:18 pm
@edgarblythe,
I think you got a bad one, thats all.
Thats what happened to the Anasazi, they just got shitfaced and couldnt get back up to their kivas
roger
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Jun, 2012 09:53 pm
@farmerman,
I think they ran out of firewood, not firewater. It gets cold up there, and chose not to live in the big north woods.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Jun, 2012 02:49 am
Ramen
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Jun, 2012 07:27 am
To the doubters I say, When I awoke this morning, my feet were firmly on the ground. I did not float off into the ether. My cell phone worked and the eggs I ate were still good, despite the fourteen hours of no electricity to cool them. Melon is beneficent. Melon forever.
neko nomad
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Jun, 2012 09:50 am
@edgarblythe,
This melon's for you, Ed:

http://www.txgenweb.org/postcards/Towns/Weatherford/WatermelonWeatherfordTx2.jpg

You have a good day now, you hear?
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Jun, 2012 10:18 am
@neko nomad,
Thanks. I needed that.
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Jun, 2012 01:19 pm
@edgarblythe,
This will enlarge your watermelon knowledge and your stomach.

http://www.whataboutwatermelon.com/

Forgive my first attempt to post a response since I left the hospital. Butrflynet has taken Dolly and Madison doggies to the dog park so I can have some adventure. This one is even sillier.

http://mydisguises.com/2010/02/04/61-photos-of-people-wearing-watermelon-helmets/

BBB
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Jun, 2012 01:24 pm
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
You devil you. Thanks for posting.
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  2  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 12:46 am
edgar, I'm worried about you. I always thought you were one of the saner posters. Just shows you how much I know.

Please keep cool and stay in the shade for a while.
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 08:57 am
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
The first represents nirvana. The second - my melon army of proselytizers.
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 08:59 am
@Roberta,
I have recently been reading gungasnake and frank apisa. It's contagious. You better run while you still have a modicum of sanity.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 09:24 am
@edgarblythe,
Don't bogart that melon, mah friend!
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 09:34 am
Last summer, I always kept sliced up watermelon in the frig, good refreshment after a hot day's work. I plan to do so this year also.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 09:58 am
@edgarblythe,
There's nothing more like natural air-conditioning in the hotter climates than juicing a watermelon (rind and all) - as long as it's organic.
Ceili
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 10:52 am
@Ragman,
Try it with a squeeze of lime juice, it's divine.
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 11:00 am
I don't ever see organic, so, no juicing.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 11:06 am
@edgarblythe,
Wow! What a bummer! Are there no health food or organic produce merchants? Target Supermarkets (huge national mainstream chain) here has organic berries but perhaps no organic watermelon.

What about Houston area Farmer's markets?
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 11:09 am
@Ragman,
Target (in Tomball) has about the same quality food line as Walgreens, but a bit larger.
HEB and Kroger have organic produce, but melons - not. Melons here have just gotten cheaper than nearly eight dollars.
 

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