maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 04:22 pm
@Mame,
So you two are attacking this guy, and accusing him of being a threat to her personal safety, simply because he used a single word? Read it again, he is simply saying that he is "very angry".

He said "I don't want her to come back". There is no threat of violence. Heck, he didn't even blame her for how he was feeling.

You are attacking this guy for nothing. I think it is unwarranted.
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 04:25 pm
@maxdancona,
Read my post again - I haven't 'attacked' anybody. Get a grip. You're over-reacting.
0 Replies
 
alpha1
 
  3  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 04:34 pm
@alpha1,
Just to clarify. She did stomp off. She left 2 weeks early because she was angry and had accused me of wanting to fool around. I explained over and over that I had just talked to this person and was not at all interested. She packed all her stuff and stormed out. I am angry because I was blamed, accused and not trusted. I have never shown reason not to be trusted. I don't know why I'm still angry. Yes thats my issue but I've never experienced someone storming off on me for a month and a half
alpha1
 
  4  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 04:39 pm
@ehBeth,
I've been reading some of the replies. It seems that some people think I am dangerous and want to do harm to her. I really want things to work but I don't know why I'm so angry. I'm really proud of my loyalty to people. I've been raised in a family where my parents have been married for 55 years. I know anger doesn't make things better and I have recommended she stay away till I can sort out stuff. I just hate being accused of things that I have never even thought of doing and then paying the price as if I have actually done them.. I feel as if I've been found guilty of something that I didn't do or even thought of doing. Thats where the anger lies. Its not about going overseas. I wanted her to go and see her family. No problem there.
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 04:39 pm
@alpha1,
So simmer down and realize it's all her problem, not yours. Maybe you're better off without her. She needs to deal with her jealousy, but you don't have to. Why be angry?
alpha1
 
  4  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 04:51 pm
@ehBeth,
Yes I told her I was feeling rage. I told her that it would be better to stay away now. I would never be violent but why walk into a house where a person is pissed off. Have any of you ever been accused of something you didn't do or even thought of doing and then paid the price for it. Think about it. Would that make you really angry. Like rage. Maybe maybe not. On top of that before she "stormed" out she kicked the gifts I bought her for Christmas across the room. I put an awful lot of effort into giving her a nice Christmas and it all got twisted up. I am suprised at my inability to "let it all go". I guess I'm looking for a reality check on this. I wasn't trying to promote in house fighting.
alpha1
 
  3  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 04:57 pm
@Mame,
Like I said. I really don't know why I'm so angry. I just wake up every morning and I get reminded of what happened. Thanks though. Your advice is sound.
0 Replies
 
alpha1
 
  3  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 04:58 pm
@maxdancona,
Thanks. I think you get a sense of what I'm going through. I don't want to hurt anyone and I never would
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 05:03 pm
@alpha1,
If she is unwilling to listen to you to the point of leaving for a trip two weeks early, it doesn't bode well for a long-term resolution of the relationship.

Will she have a job to return to after leaving so suddenly or is she expecting you to finance her on her return?

Are you both of the same cultural background? I wonder if there are different understandings of reasonable expectations in a relationship. I know that I wouldn't be able to stay in a relationship where I (or my partner) could not have an enjoyable conversation/afternoon/evening with a friend, regardless of gender.


0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 05:12 pm
@alpha1,
Look, I was married for five horrible years to a man who was jealous like your g/f. We'd go to a party and the next thing I knew, he'd be gone. I'd look for him and no one would have seen him, so I'd call home. He always came to pick me up and I'd ask him what the hell happened. He would tell me that someone (a male) was looking at me or some stupid ****. He was always sheepish and apologetic and embarrassed, but it continued for about 4 years. He left me in restaurants, house parties, parks, museums, you name it. It was downright stupid and and annoying. Then I got the bright idea to take my own car. So, the next time we were going out with others, I said I'd meet him there. He was surprised and said no. Bingo. Never happened again. He still got jealous, but he never abandoned me anywhere again.

There were many other situations where he'd get all cold on me, or bitter or whatever... it was all in his own head and he was aware of it but he couldn't stop it.

His next wife experienced the same thing. We were friendly and she'd phone and ask me if he had done this or that to me and I'd say yes, and she'd tell me how frustrated she was, etc. So he continued the jealous stuff with her. I told her to dump the bum (heh heh) but she hung in there and they're still together. They split up for a while every now and then because of this stupid stuff, but they're still together.

It's absolutely impossible to have a decent relationship with someone like that. So I understand your frustration - I just don't understand the anger.

If you realize this is HER problem, all in HER head, you might simmer down. This is NOT about you; it's about HER. And good to know this NOW, before marriage and kids.

Trust me - she'd be like this with any man. It's not about YOU at all.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 05:21 pm
@alpha1,
Are you two living together?

If not, then just tell her that you are not able to connect with her right now and need some time to sort out your feelings. Then go talk with a counselor or trusted friend that you can figure out what's going on with your feelings. YOU are the one in control as to whether or not you want to see her. You don't seem ready yet. Get yourself under control.
- or-
If she is coming home to the apartment she shares with you, it will be very awkward considering your very strong emotions. Then you should move out for a while as you work on getting yourself under control or tell her that you cannot live with her until this gets resolved and she needs to find another place.

In any case, you two really need to talk about what happened, but not before you figure out what you are feeling.

Mame
 
  3  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 05:24 pm
@PUNKEY,
No, I don't think HE should move out, and it doesn't sound like he's having trouble controlling himself. He's here questioning his anger and rage. She should move out since she precipitated the whole mess. She accused him falsely, then kicked his Christmas gifts across the room and left earlier than she was supposed to. That sounds like anger and rage to me. She should get the hell out.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 07:11 pm
@Mame,
Mame wrote:
Look, I was married for five horrible years to a man who was jealous like your g/f. We'd go to a party and the next thing I knew, he'd be gone. I'd look for him and no one would have seen him, so I'd call home. He always came to pick me up and I'd ask him what the hell happened. He would tell me that someone (a male) was looking at me or some stupid ****. He was always sheepish and apologetic and embarrassed, but it continued for about 4 years. He left me in restaurants, house parties, parks, museums, you name it. It was downright stupid and and annoying. Then I got the bright idea to take my own car. So, the next time we were going out with others, I said I'd meet him there. He was surprised and said no. Bingo. Never happened again. He still got jealous, but he never abandoned me anywhere again.

There were many other situations where he'd get all cold on me, or bitter or whatever... it was all in his own head and he was aware of it but he couldn't stop it.

His next wife experienced the same thing. We were friendly and she'd phone and ask me if he had done this or that to me and I'd say yes, and she'd tell me how frustrated she was, etc. So he continued the jealous stuff with her. I told her to dump the bum (heh heh) but she hung in there and they're still together. They split up for a while every now and then because of this stupid stuff, but they're still together.

It's absolutely impossible to have a decent relationship with someone like that. So I understand your frustration - I just don't understand the anger.

If you realize this is HER problem, all in HER head, you might simmer down.
This is NOT about you; it's about HER.
And good to know this NOW, before marriage and kids.

Trust me - she'd be like this with any man. It's not about YOU at all.
Yes; I'm reminded of an incident in the 1980s.
I was on the fone with a girl for whom I 'd cared quite a lot
and for quite a long time; decades. She got tired of me. She had a boyfriend.
I was getting dumped in that conversation. I was broken hearted.
It was understood that this woud be our last conversation,
but she did not hang up on me. We spoke for about maybe
another half hour or 45 minutes. Pleasant conversation.
She was always very, very polite; elegant. At one point,
I commented that we had gone to Ronald Reagan's Inaguration.
REFLEXIVELY, she snapped:
"U said 'WE!' WHO did u go with!!!???"
This was after I had been dumped in that conversation.

She was reflexively jealous anyway. Is that funny, or ironic ?





David
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 07:21 pm
@alpha1,
alpha1 wrote:
Yes I told her I was feeling rage. I told her that it would be better to stay away now. I would never be violent but why walk into a house where a person is pissed off. Have any of you ever been accused of something you didn't do or even thought of doing and then paid the price for it. Think about it. Would that make you really angry. Like rage. Maybe maybe not. On top of that before she "stormed" out she kicked the gifts I bought her for Christmas across the room. I put an awful lot of effort into giving her a nice Christmas and it all got twisted up. I am suprised at my inability to "let it all go". I guess I'm looking for a reality check on this. I wasn't trying to promote in house fighting.
Seriously, Alpha:
U are very fortunate that she showed u her nasty side BEFORE
u got legally locked onto her.

Now u know how unpleasant she can BE . . . or DO u ????





David
0 Replies
 
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 07:22 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
is there a third option, dave?
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 07:27 pm
@Rockhead,
I dunno. Whatayathink ?????
0 Replies
 
MrsVISHOUS2012
 
  0  
Reply Mon 20 Feb, 2012 05:15 pm
@alpha1,
Wow jealousy is sooo bad smh i usually side with the girl but with this she is soooooo in the wrong for leaving the country...what a egg head :\ You have every right to be really fucked off, i would...It's up to you if you take her back...just take some time and you two have a chat, maybe make up sex and see how it goes from there...all the best...Ohhhhh and YEAR OF THE DRAGON IS MY YEAR>>>GRRROOOOWWLLLL heheheh see:) You are completely normal Wink
0 Replies
 
 

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