alpha1
 
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 01:57 pm
On Christmas day my girlfriend and I went to a dinner at a friends house. It was a small gathering. Long story short I talked to a woman. Just talked. I was accused of wanting her and wanting to have sex with her. I have never fooled around on my girlfriend. Two days later she left and went overseas to her home to celebrate the "Year of the Dragon". My Christmas was destroyed. My New Years was horrible. I live in a small town in northern Canada and know no one. I just moved here. Now that she is ready to come back I find myself full of anger and rage. I don't want her to come back. I've never been so angry with someone. I usually get over things fast but this has really screwed me up. Am I unreasonable. Am I going crazy.
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Type: Question • Score: 9 • Views: 3,951 • Replies: 36

 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 02:01 pm
@alpha1,
No you're not crazy! If your girlfriend walked out on you just because you have talked to another woman then she's got a problem and has to deal with her jealousy issues beforehand. If you take her back now, you're in for more heartache!
Tell her to get help first and then you'll see if you can get back together.
Chances are the relationship is ruined already and perhaps it's best to move on.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  -2  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 02:08 pm
@alpha1,
It sounds like the two of you had what should have been a minor disagreement, but because she left the country before you were able to resolve things, you had the time to let things fester - and you let it.

She's better off not dealing further with you.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 02:25 pm
@alpha1,
You are not crazy. Things like this happen in relationships.

You should not be in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. You have to decide it this relationship is worth it or not. If it is then do what it takes to work it out. You should be sure that you have a way to keep this sort of disagreement from happening again.

If you decide this relationship isn't worth it to you, or if she decides that it isn't worth it to her, then move on.

I don't think it is worth staying angry for so long. Usually once you have made a decision about what you want, the emotions will go away.
Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 02:27 pm
Make a lot of new friends where you are by celebrating the New Year of Dragon with them. Cook some food, share some tangerines and get started on your new life. Tell your former girlfriend she is your former girlfriend and that you hope she has a nice life. Then, don't ever speak to her again.

Joe(she's a little crazy)Nation
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 02:42 pm
@Joe Nation,
"share some tangerines" - lol
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 02:55 pm
Yeah, it's the year of the "water dragon" which means: it's all water under the bridge!
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:19 pm
@alpha1,
U are not unreasonable.
If u took her back, then u 'd forever be walking on the proverbial "eggshells"
ever in terror of unexpected bad and sudden results from her again. Its not worth it.

U need someone better; less volatile; she was too rude to u.
Maybe u can find the woman to whom u were speaking. Good Luck!!!





David
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:26 pm
Sorry, I can't relate to the answers so far. She didn't stomp off out of rage. She returned home to celebrate the Year of the Dragon. There's a big difference, but the OP is furious. He doesn't want her back. Fine. He won't get her back.

Guy says he doesn't want to see his former girlfriend again, I am not seeing a problem.
ehBeth
 
  0  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:28 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

I don't think it is worth staying angry for so long.


Yup. Over a month of anger on this. Petty.
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:31 pm
@roger,
roger wrote:
Sorry, I can't relate to the answers so far. She didn't stomp off out of rage. She returned home to celebrate the Year of the Dragon. There's a big difference, but the OP is furious. He doesn't want her back. Fine. He won't get her back.

Guy says he doesn't want to see his former girlfriend again, I am not seeing a problem.
From the OP, I take the inference
that she DID INDEED stomp off in female rage.
That 's Y he 's mad; its very understandable!





David
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:32 pm
@ehBeth,
Why are you so hostile to the original poster ehBeth? These seem like reasonably normal human emotions. There is no need to attack here.
ehBeth
 
  0  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:34 pm
@maxdancona,
I don't think that rage is a normal reaction.

I'm not feeling hostile toward the OP. I do have concern for the woman's safety should she attempt to return to a man who says he feels rage.
Mame
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:34 pm
@alpha1,
alpha1 wrote:

My Christmas was destroyed. My New Years was horrible.


You are severely over-stating things. Destroyed?

alpha1 wrote:

Now that she is ready to come back I find myself full of anger and rage.


What were you feeling while she was gone?

alpha1 wrote:

I don't want her to come back. I've never been so angry with someone. I usually get over things fast but this has really screwed me up. Am I unreasonable.


You don't want her to come back because she was jealous and accused you of things that weren't true. Okay. It's not healthy to be in a relationship like that anyway, so I can see that.

But why were you so angry? Big deal, she accused you falsely. What exactly was so upsetting? I'm sure 99.99% of us have been accused falsely at some point in our lives, so why the drama about it?



0 Replies
 
roger
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:42 pm
@ehBeth,
Let me get your opinion on something, then, ehBeth. Do you have the feeling that verbal rage is itself dangerous?
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:45 pm
@ehBeth,
Quote:
I do have concern for the woman's safety should she attempt to return to a man who says he feels rage.


Give me a break ehBeth!

People (even men) get angry. This is a part of being human. When you are angry the healthy thing to do is express it. That is all he did in this post. He said "I am very angry".

What did he say that would give you any reason to have concern. He said "I am very angry", and he said "I don't want her to come back". Not only didn't he say anything that would raise any cause for concern, he didn't even say anything bad against her. He didn't even call her any names.

How much more of a healthy can you possibly imagine? He is doing what anyone would tell you to do. When you are angry you express your emotion in a healthy, non-threatening way. He is even owning up to his anger. I don't even see him blaming this woman for what he is feeling.

I think you are being absolutely ridiculous ehBeth. Maybe your reaction says more about your issues than about his.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:54 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

He is even owning up to his anger. I don't even see him blaming this woman for what he is feeling.


It's not his 'anger' she is taking issue with; it's his RAGE. Completely different.

maxdancona wrote:

I think you are being absolutely ridiculous ehBeth. Maybe your reaction says more about your issues than about his.


I don't think she's being 'absolutely ridiculous' at all and your last sentence is typical of people who can't understand another's point of view. Now THAT'S ridiculous.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:56 pm
@roger,
I don't know what verbal rage is.
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:57 pm
@ehBeth,
you should meet my ex-fiance...

insert JD, wait an hour, shake well.

boom...
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 03:58 pm
@maxdancona,
There is a difference between anger and rage. If he truly feels rage, then I feel the woman would be safer not returning.

Harbouring rage a month after what appears to have be a minor disagreement (she wasn't upset enough to cancel her trip) is something for the woman to be concerned about.

I hope he has told her that he feels rage.

 

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