Dads of A2K, I'm curious

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If you had a 9 year old child (and I pick 9 because it's halfway between birth and adulthood) and you for some reason found out that the child was not biologically yours, what would you do?

I'm not asking what you would do about your marriage/partnership/relationship, but what would you do regarding the kid.

Would you just walk away?

Would you just stop loving them?

If you divorced and were ordered to pay child support would you resent it?

Would you still want to be involved in the child's life?

Would you still consider it your child?

Think about it and tell us what you think you might really do.

Thanks!

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Type: Question • Score: 15 • Views: 3,144 • Replies: 52

If I had raised and loved a kid for nine years, it would be my child, regardless of biology. I do have one child who is not biologically mine. She has my love and support and she has given me two grandsons.

1 Reply

@edgarblythe,

Ditto, would not change my relationship with the child one bit. I know Antonio is mine, we had a paternity test. But if I had raised him for five years and then found out he wasn't mine it wouldn't change a thing.

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I doubt anyone is going to publicly say here they would stop loving the child, and/or walk away.
I can't even get anyone here to admit they drive like ****.

Fortunatley, I don't think there are that many jerks that would do that (re the child).

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@chai2,

Quote:

I can't even get anyone here to admit they drive like ****.

People who are reluctant to acknowledge the fact that the highest members of their governments are war criminals/terrorists are not going to admit to something real serious like "they drive like ****", Chai.

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@chai2,

On another thread several were saying that often father's are not really the biological parent of the child, and that even though they believed they were -- for years and years -- that the father should never have to pay child support should the marriage end.

I didn't believe that a man who raised a child, even if his believed biological connection turned out to be false, could just walk away.

So I thought I would ask.

I can't imagine someone telling a kid "So long, it's been good to know you."

3 Replies

@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

On another thread several were saying that often father's are not really the biological parent of the child, and that even though they believed they were -- for years and years -- that the father should never have to pay child support should the marriage end.

Is the other thread here on A2K?

If so, I can only imagine that the ususal suspects are the one's saying this.
The one's that want to make a point of arguing everything.

I say consider the source.

1 Reply

This thread seems a little manipulative. But I will bite.

I would absolutely resent being ordered to pay child support to a mother of a child that wasn't mine. I would fight tooth and nail against this order and if I lost I would feel it was a great injustice.

Of course, this doesn't have anything to do with the other questions you ask. In almost any circumstance I could imagine I would continue to love the child and would want to stay in her life. And, I would probably continue to make sure financially that the child had what she needed.

There is a big difference between choosing to care for and pay for a child and being ordered by a judge to pay a mother to care for a child.

1 Reply

In Canada you can't. Any child, regardless of biology, is considered a child of the marriage, union.. whatever. Conversely, I've known a few mothers who tried to get the non-blood daddy out of their lives and couldn't. One woman in particular bankrupted herself doing just that through the court system. She was angry he was getting a reduced cost education, a PHD, and she had to pay daddy child support... We familial creatures are pretty messed up.

1 Reply

@Ceili,

I think that's true in the US, too. If you're married at the time the child is born, you're financially responsible. (Emotionally, too, IMO, but you can't really legislate that.)

Nine years, nine months, nine hours, I'm there for the kid.

1 Reply

@DrewDad,

DrewDad wrote:

Nine years, nine months, nine hours, I'm there for the kid.

I left my first husband for the man I'm married to now.
I once asked him "What if you had shown up, and I was 7 or 8 months pregnant"

He didn't even hesitate, saying "well, I guess I would have another child."

It's kinda a package deal when a woman has a kid.

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@maxdancona,

I'm not trying to be manipulative and I'm really resisting responding to anyone with any kind of opinion. I'm really just curious. I've been reading a book about evolutionary psychology and it plays into this a bit. Then the other discussion came up and I'm just trying to sort it all out by talking to dads about it.

But I do have one question for you: You'd resist if the judge ordered it but you'd probably continue to support the child if it was up to you? Have I got that right?

1 Reply

@chai2,

Quote:

Is the other thread here on A2K?

Yes, it's the "child support and politics" thread.

1 Reply

@boomerang,

Quote:

If you had a 9 year old child (and I pick 9 because it's halfway between birth and adulthood) and you for some reason found out that the child was not biologically yours, what would you do?

If the mother and I did not have an arrangement where she was allowed to **** other guys I would be at this point having a long conversation with her. I would expect that now that I know about this deception on her part which negatively impacts, this making me a father without my participation or consent, that she now owes me. As with any breaking of trust this might well end the relationship with the mother. I would not break my relationship with the child, but I would not pretend to be the bio dad either.

Quote:

If you divorced and were ordered to pay child support would you resent it?

I would consider it an injustice.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

Like I said, I'm not really concerned with how it would effect your marriage/whatever.

Quote:

I would consider it an injustice.

So let me ask you this.

Step into the kid's shoes (and here I'm talking about a normal family with a loving dad) and imagine that your dad walked out the door with a wave and never looked back. How do you think you would have dealt with that?

Do you think you, a child, deserved that?

1 Reply

@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

Quote:
Is the other thread here on A2K?

Yes, it's the "child support and politics" thread.

Oh Christ on a Crutch.

I just took a look at who the most vocal posters were on that thread.

It's like an orgasmatron for douchebags.

Like I said, the usual suspects.

1 Reply

@boomerang,

Quote:

Step into the kid's shoes (and here I'm talking about a normal family with a loving dad) and imagine that your dad walked out the door with a wave and never looked back

WHy should I when I said that I would not do that?

Quote:

How do you think you would have dealt with that?

Alomst half of American kids come from broken homes, does it really matter exactly how and why it happened?

Quote:

Do you think you, a child, deserved that?

As much as Ivanka Trump deserved to be born with her mothers good looks, all the advantages of her class , and a guarantied job in her daddies business.....which is to say not at all, because she had no control over when, where and to whom she was born.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Quote:

I just took a look at who the most vocal posters were on that thread.

It's like an orgasmatron for douchebags.

Like I said, the usual suspects.

Have you always been this stuck-up?

1 Reply

@boomerang,

Quote:

But I do have one question for you: You'd resist if the judge ordered it but you'd probably continue to support the child if it was up to you? Have I got that right?

Sure. Of course the details of the situation are pretty important in this including my relationship with the mother and the child, and if there was blatant fraud involved.

Let me ask the obvious counter example. What about the real biological father in the example. He has a kid he never knew existed for 9 years.

Should he be exempt from paying child support seeing as how he is no longer the real father?

I would resent this as well.

2 Replies

@hawkeye10,

I was asking you to pretend, it's okay if you can't though.

I didn't ask why families split up.

What?

0 Replies

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