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The Kvetch Thread

 
 
GracieGirl
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Mar, 2012 07:38 pm
@sozobe,
Well, I won't say it like that anymore. I didn't realize how bad it sounded. Lesson learned. Smile
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  5  
Reply Mon 26 Mar, 2012 08:15 pm
@GracieGirl,
Oh geez, where to start...

I was 40 when I got thyroid cancer. My husband was 40 when he got cancer, too. Both of us got throat cancer within a year. A very strange coincidence!

Oh yes, I freaked out when my husband got cancer. I took him in for what was supposed to be a simple 45-minute outpatient procedure to remove a "cyst," and two and a half hours later, a whole team of doctors finally came out to tell me the bad news. I was 8 months pregnant at the time, and alone. I remember doing my Lamaze breathing in the hospital hallway to calm down! We'd been through all this infertility stuff, and we were finally going to have a baby, and they said he had a 50-50 chance of living for 3 years!!! Yeah, I definitely freaked out!!! I had to pull it together fast, though, because I had to be the one to give him the news.

When I found out I had cancer the next year, I was more angry and frustrated than anything else. They told me up front that it was an easily curable type, and they'd caught it very early. But we'd been through so much with my husband's cancer and the new baby, I was sick of having to handle too much. And now this! Grrrrr!

The doctors never would say what caused my husband's cancer. But I was relentless. After 6 months and a dozen doctors, one finally told me, "We never see this form of cancer in non-smokers." Hubby had smoked since he was 15. He quit the day he found out he had cancer, and he has never had one since. He can't. They told him it was no longer "a risk factor" for him. The toxins would be going right over the site of the cancer that was removed.

As for me, I've never smoked. The hormones that kick in during pregnancy are the same ones that promote thyroid growths, so that's why they're so common during and immediately after pregnancy. But almost all are benign. Mine was too, but microscopic cancers cells were an unexpected lab finding. I suppose I was lucky I had the benign growth, or they wouldn't have found the cancer until it was likely too late. But I sure didn't FEEL lucky! I do believe all the stress I was under at that time was what made me ill.

No, I've never known anyone who got cancer and refused treatment and lived. Maybe there's somebody out there, but I've never heard of it. When the diagnosis is cancer, you do whatever you have to do to stop it. Sometimes that means you have to live with the consequences. But it's better than dying. Ask my husband, and he'd tell you it's been well worth taking pain meds to be a father and get to watch his son grow up.

The radiation caused him a lot of pain at the time, but none later. It was the surgery that left him with permanent disfigurement and pain. He is very stoic about it. He knows it's the cost of being alive.

His aunt has refused treatment, and now they've even let her stop taking maintenance meds for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. She's free to enjoy eating whatever she likes, and she's loving it! She has had no pain so far, and they say she may not. But it's spreading rapidly, and she's getting weaker and weaker. She sleeps a lot these days.

One of these days, you should read something by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a specialist on death and dying. It's very, very good. She maintains that death and dying are natural parts of life, and we cheat people by withholding information about their impending death from them. She believes that by going through the natural grieving process, one comes to an eventual acceptance of one's own death that enlightens their understanding of their own life, and of life in general.

You're growing up, Gracie. And you will find that some things in life are just...hard. But life is worth it.


Rockhead
 
  6  
Reply Mon 26 Mar, 2012 08:22 pm
@GracieGirl,
and like Soz says, not all tumors can kill you. but they do need checked out...

I had most of my thyroid taken out when I was just out of high school. they found a big lump on it. huge even. but it wasn't cancerous, and I still don't need any meds to make up for losing it. and it has no relevance to my current health troubles.

life is a wild game, and you gotta play the cards as they get dealt...

I appreciate every day now after being sick enough to ponder the end.

go do something fun, gracie...
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Mar, 2012 08:30 pm
@Rockhead,
Good idea, Rocky! I'm gonna go watch some Netflix.

My fingers are tired from all that typing anyway!

Good night, All!
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  9  
Reply Mon 26 Mar, 2012 10:50 pm
@GracieGirl,
GracieGirl wrote:

You weren't scared? Your really strong Roberta! Smile I would've cried and cried and cried.

A brain tumor too? Isn't a tumor just like cancer? Did you have surgery or radiation?

Did cancer mess up your life? I mean, you're still having a hard time
and I know it must suck. Are you happy?


I don't think I'm especially strong. Just pragmatic.

The tumor I had in my brain is not officially cancer. But it's recurring. I had a treatment called a gamma knife. It's a kind of radiation. One major zap. It appears to have worked.

The side effects of radiation have made things difficult for me. Yes, I'm still having a hard time.

I don't think happy is a word I would apply to me even when I was healthy. I'm negative and kvetchy. Also a worrier. My therapist is trying to help me with these things. I'm concerned that dealing with these things will change who I am. A friend said that if I'm worried about not worrying, then I have nothing to worry about.
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Wed 28 Mar, 2012 09:33 am
@Eva,
Oh wow Eva.
0 Replies
 
GracieGirl
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Mar, 2012 09:27 pm
@Eva,
Hi Eva! Smile

Gosh, that sucks! How come your husbands cancer was worse than yours? Is it because he had the cancer longer or he smoked? Was your husband scared when he found out you had cancer too or was he just angry like you were? Stress can make people get cancer?

I'm sorry about your husband. What'd he say when you told him he had cancer? How come your husband isn't on a2k?

Is his aunt okay with dying? Isn't she scared? Did she refuse treatment because she didn't want to live with the sucky radiation stuff?

I'll read her book. I don't usually read non fiction though but I'll give it a try. Smile
I don't think she's right though. I don't wanna know when I'm gonna die. If i had cancer I wouldn't wanna know how long they think I'd have to live. It would totally SUCK to know that every day your just getting closer and closer to death. And I know deaths a natural part of life and everything but no one likes it or wants to die. I sure don't.
Eva
 
  5  
Reply Thu 29 Mar, 2012 10:48 pm
@GracieGirl,
GracieGirl wrote:

Hi Eva! Smile

Gosh, that sucks! How come your husbands cancer was worse than yours? Is it because he had the cancer longer or he smoked?

There are many different forms of cancer. His was a totally different kind that was much more dangerous than mine. It was just coincidental that both of ours happened to be in the throat.

Was your husband scared when he found out you had cancer too or was he just angry like you were? Stress can make people get cancer?

I don't know if he was scared for me at the time, but he wouldn't have told me anyway because it wouldn't have helped. When things like this happen, we are very careful what we say to each other because words are VERY IMPORTANT and can affect the other person's attitude and recovery.

And yes, high levels of stress can definitely make people ill. Happens all the time.


I'm sorry about your husband. What'd he say when you told him he had cancer?

He was in recovery after the minor surgery. I told him what they had found and what they had done, and that his doctor wanted to see him later, as soon as he was up to it. He immediately tried to get out of bed. "Let's go right now!" he said. We were at the doctor's office in less than 30 minutes. He was still in the hospital's wheelchair.

How come your husband isn't on a2k?

Because he works on his computer all day (and sometimes all evening, too) and helps others solve computer-based problems, so the LAST thing he wants to do with his free time is spend it on the computer. I just shamed him into setting up a FB page at Christmas. He never checks it. Laughing

Is his aunt okay with dying? Isn't she scared? Did she refuse treatment because she didn't want to live with the sucky radiation stuff?

His aunt is 84 years old. She's been on oxygen for several years and uses a walker. She lives alone and has no children. She has been close to a number of people who have died from cancer. She knew she had it for several months before the doctors finally diagnosed it. In other words, she knows what to expect. If treatment could have given her a reasonable chance of living for several more years, she would have done it. But the most they could do was give her a few extra months, and those would have been spent dealing with the effects of the treatment in addition to the disease. So actually, I thought it was very sensible of her to say, "No, I don't want to go through any more than I have to."

I'll read her book. I don't usually read non fiction though but I'll give it a try. Smile
I don't think she's right though. I don't wanna know when I'm gonna die. If i had cancer I wouldn't wanna know how long they think I'd have to live. It would totally SUCK to know that every day your just getting closer and closer to death. And I know deaths a natural part of life and everything but no one likes it or wants to die. I sure don't.

Gracie, I'm going to put this in bold, because it may be one of the most important things I will ever say to you:

People often know intuitively when something is wrong, and imagined horrors are ALWAYS worse than knowing the truth.

If I were dying, I think I'd want to know approximately when. That way I could make sure I did the things I still wanted to do, and I could get everything organized and set up the way I wanted it for my family. And I could make sure I had the chance to say goodbye to those who were important to me.
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Mar, 2012 12:16 am
Eva, Having to deal with cancer while your husband was dealing with cancer is a tremendous challenge. I'm glad you both got through it.

I agree about wanting to know. I think Gracie is speaking from the perspective of a young and healthy person. It's good to be those things. But when you're on in years and have been struggling with illness, you want to know. At least I do. Although I'm now more or less ok, I'm aware of what could happen. It's no longer the kind of thing that happens to somebody else. I've been giving my next of kin family things that we both treasure and that might get lost in the shuffle if he has to go through my stuff. It makes him uncomfortable, but it makes me very comfortable. He's adjusting.
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  3  
Reply Fri 30 Mar, 2012 05:54 am
@GracieGirl,
Quote:
They told you you were gonna die in 4-6 years? What'd you do after you heard that? I'm glad your okay now Phoenix and that your cancers gone and the doctors were wrong.


What the doctor said was, "The course of the disease is 4-6 years". I walked out of his office, and told my husband that if I could hang in for over 6 years, everything would be o.k. Then it finally hit me what the doctor meant.

I cried, on and off for a couple of years. I also learned all I could about the disease. I went to a cancer support group, which led me to a therapy group for people with life threatening illness. I did a lot of meditating, which really helped.

The bone marrow transplant did not hurt. It was like a transfusion. What did hurt was the harvesting. Bone marrow is extracted out of a hipbone. It is done under sedation, but the bone is mighty sore for some time afterwards.
Roberta
 
  3  
Reply Fri 30 Mar, 2012 02:22 pm
Back to kvetching.

Back from the supermarket. That little errand cost me $138. Shocked Drunk Thud.

What did I buy? Nothing special. Holy doody!

Plus I tipped the delivery guy.

Rethud.


tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Mar, 2012 02:37 pm
@Roberta,
How many lobsters did you buy Roberta?!
Roberta
 
  3  
Reply Fri 30 Mar, 2012 04:06 pm
@tsarstepan,
Lobsters!!!!! I wish. I bought chicken, turkey, fillet of sole, and herring. Also a quarter pound of ham and a frozen meal. Paper stuff. Cookies. Soda and milk. Some veggies. And one luxury item: marinated mushrooms.

Actually I don't wish I had bought lobsters. Lobster is my favorite food in the entire world of eating. But I don't think I could throw one in the pot. Next thing you know, Larry's on a leash and we're strolling down Lexington Avenue.
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Mar, 2012 08:55 pm
@Roberta,
Lobster is one of my very favorites too! But I have no qualms about dropping them in the pot. They are such ugly looking things, like giant bugs. As far as I am concerned, the only good lobster is a cooked one.
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Mar, 2012 08:59 pm
@Eva,
I can live without hearing that scream...

and I can't do butter any longer. now there's something to kvetch aboot...

what is an appropriate substitute for drawn butter?
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Mar, 2012 10:33 pm
@Rockhead,
I've never heard one scream. I think that's a myth.

I suppose you could use some of that spray-on butter substitute, Rocky, but that seems downright sacrilegous when it comes to lobster.
Letty
 
  1  
Reply Sat 31 Mar, 2012 03:44 am
@Eva,
Actually, Eva, it's the steam escaping from the steamed lobster that is the scream, not the lobster itself.

Lobster tails with real butter and lemon. YUM!
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Sat 31 Mar, 2012 06:53 am
@Eva,
True, but I would rather have the beast already on my plate, unmoving, with a side of melted butter.
0 Replies
 
GracieGirl
 
  1  
Reply Sat 31 Mar, 2012 03:26 pm
@Roberta,
Whoops! Embarrassed

Can we still talk about cancer or would you rather I just Pm'ed you? Didnt mean to take over your thread. Embarrassed Smile
Roberta
 
  3  
Reply Sat 31 Mar, 2012 03:30 pm
@GracieGirl,
Kiddo, we can talk about cancer here. Or you can PM me. I need a place to kvetch. $139 at the supermarket is kvetch-worthy. What can I tell ya?
 

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