I think I will lose my dear kuvasz Kodi this week.

I think I will lose my kuvasz Kodi this week.

She has been acting poorly since New Years Eve. Since then, she has been spending most of her time under the house’s porches, coming out only for a short walk to go from one to another porch in the process of relieving herself. She came in the house last night, but for a few days now she has not come up on the front porch at all to sleep as she has daily for several years. And that she did last night might only be because she came in the back door last night and I groomed her and petted her for hours attempting to make her comfortable. When I went to bed at 5 am this morning she was sleeping under my kitchen table, but when I awoke at 8am, she had moved to her usual spot on her sleeping bag on the porch, today she was out for a little bit, even coming to the fence gate when a neighbor came by, but she went right back under the front porch afterwards.

Sometime today she moved to under the back porch, where she has been ever since. She has eaten some rice and turkey a few hours ago which I crawled under the porch to give her, but she has not moved more than a few feet since then, and she usually comes out when I call for her.

While she is alert and smiling at me, I know she is tired or in pain because of the way she carries herself. I will take her to the vet in the morning, and have already talked to the people I got her from in 1993, so many years ago it seems now. And the breeder told me (as I knew already deep inside) that Kodi is getting ready to die.

Oh geeze, even writing those words hurt so much and I am in tears now.

Kodi has been with me for 11 years, and her, her sister Aja, and I spanned together the most important years of my life. I don’t even remember what my life was like without Aja and Kodi not in it waiting for me at home. They were my family.

Unlike the new members of my dog pack, Aja and Kodi were my constant companions away from the house as well as when I was home. I took them everywhere I went, from beaches to mountains, to Bojangles for Saturday morning biscuits riding in the back of my Explorer where they won over the hearts of that little old black lady at the drive in window who always snuck in an extra biscuit for each of them.

I can remember Kodi’s first night with me, sleeping by my head and the new puppy smell she emitted. And I shall always hear her midnight barks to let the world know she was there protecting me.

Kodi is the last living attachment of my life before I moved here half dozen years ago and losing her is losing what has been a real living and tangible connection to my earlier life.

Her passing means much of me is passing too.

Kodi has been such a righteous and loving being, of beauty and grace, of gorgeous face and sweet disposition, that it seems hard to imagine any creature so alive and blessedly happy will soon be dead.

Aja and Kodi have taught me my life’s lesson: try to treat those around you each moment, as you surely will wish you had when they are gone.

Kodi has had a wonderful life, and I am proud to have been a part of it.

I just wish it wasn’t time for her to go.




Kodi as a 7 week old puppy with Aja






Kodi as a 7 year old ready for her bath…always happy!