Tue 29 Mar, 2011 08:35 am
Hi guys, I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on my situation.
You see I've not had the best of luck with men; they've either been cheaters, liars, abusive or generally just in it for sex. But just over a month ago on a night out, I met this guy and I exchanged numbers with him.
I didn't expect anything to happen seeing as I had turned down going back to his, as I thought he would just be after sex, but he did contact me and we went on a few dates and after one of them, I stayed at his, I also ended up telling him why I didn't want to have sex with him yet, and he was great about it.
But because he seemed so perfect, he stayed at mine about a week later and I ended up sleeping with him.
I now haven't heard from him for nearly two weeks, which is weird because I was in constant contact with him via texting and the likes near enough every day before hand, and given how I've had **** luck with men, I've been getting really paranoid that he was just in it for sex as well.
At the same time I don't want to go ultra sensitive and clingy on him and shout for him not getting in contact when we're not even officially a couple, because as far as I know it could be a minor reason why he hasn't.
I just really have no idea where I stand and any help or advice given will be greatly appreciated, thanks.
Hmmm, if he was just in it for sex, why not come back for more?
It sounds to me like something about the experience was not what he was looking for. Maybe it was the sex itself, maybe it was something around it (something you said after it happened, some sort of clinginess, I don't know).
I'd recommend just continuing with life, and if he contacts you, go from there.
have you contacted him? maybe he's waiting for you to say you would like to see him again.
Say you enjoyed spending time with him and would he like to do something sometime.
The thing i dont get (now that I'm older) is why people dont just communicate.
Maybe he was in it for the sex or more probably the conquest. maybe he just want into you and just didnt want to hurt your feelings.
Its ok if you had a nice weekend with a little sexy fling and thats all but sitting there stewing about it will not get you more of a relationship. you need to do something about it.
That's a good point -- I assumed you'd contacted him and he hadn't replied, but are you just waiting for him to contact you?
Also, what do you think about him? I see concern about what he thinks about you, but not much about what you think about him. (He's "perfect" because he agreed to not have sex right away, but is he nice in general? DID you enjoy spending time with him?)
Perhaps he's married or in a serious relationship? Maybe his former partner has returned. Sorry, if that is a bit harsh.
Any guess anyone makes is only a guess.
You have two choices:
1. You'll either have to sit on your hands and wait and see. When he gets in touch, you'll know the answer.
2. Call him and ask him what happened. What harm is there in the long run to doing that? You'll know quickly.
Have you tried Missing Persons?
We did speak for a couple of days after we slept together, it was after our next date that he seemed to cut off contact. I text him to see if he was busy last weekend, and his reply was that he was, as he was visiting his brother which was fair enough, but it seemed like a short answer and didn't really give me anything to reply with.
And I said he seemed perfect just because he seemed like such a nice guy and really easy to get on with.. it sounds a little naive and it probably is, but given my past history of men, he seemed so different and just really down to earth, the kind that you can have a decent conversation with.
I don't know if I'm just being stupid or not, and I'm trying to get on with my life as I normally would and see if anything comes of it instead of waiting around, but I do like him and I know I want to see more of him.
it sounds a little naive and it probably is, but given my past history of men
Thats got nothing to do with it. stop beating yourself up about past mistakes. You make mistakes and learn from them.
From what you have written here I'd say he's "just not into you". ce la vie. life is short. move on.
easy for me to say isnt it. (wry smile)
BTW I really like posting in a thread titled "am i just being used for sex again?"
especially the "again" part.
well am I? ....please.
Sorry OP. continue if you wish. I'll be good.
I text him to see if he was busy last weekend, and his reply was that he was, as he was visiting his brother which was fair enough, but it seemed like a short answer and didn't really give me anything to reply with.
You're conclsuion might not be logical. You have no idea what is going on for him so why assume that he has no interest? Maybe his brother had some emergency or problem and needed him for a bit. Perhaps there's a family emergency? Maybe he got preoccupied with something that was really involved? However, it's not logical for you to stay in the dark when he has given you nothing negative to put you off. If you let it go any longer, you could lose out.
Call him and step out of the darkness. When you call be ligfht and breezy but let him know you want to continue if you sense he's happy to hear from you.
This all might be an unwarranted emotional trauma based on no facts. After making one call, you could be free of the turmoil. Your own past is irrelevant to what is going on now.
There is not enough information here to say one way or the other.