Sisters - Subtitled "No, I didn't have a Merry Christmas."

dlowan, what wonderful and rich memories you have of your sister.

Hi Swimpy. I am so sorry to hear about your sister. No, I never had a sister, only a brother. I wish that I had had one though!

(((((HUGS)))))

Thank you everyone for posting here. I can't answer you all right now, but I will be back to spend some time. I can't tell you how soothing it is to read your stories of your relationships. Deb, I promise I will tell you all about her.

Hugs to everyone.

Swimpy, I'm very sorry to hear that...

I have one sister, three years older than me. She's my only sibling. Obviously as kids we'd fight, and during the teenage years we weren't all that close, but got along. Now we get along great, but I don't see her very often, she lives an hour away and is doing her residency(she's a doc), so she works alot of hours. But she's a great person, and just got married to a likeable guy.

I never had a sister, Swimpy, although I can sympathize.

I am very sorry about your loss, Swimpy. Please accept my sincere condolences for your sister. I hope you will tell us something about her, too, when you're up to it. This is a nice way to remember your sister, I think. Reading about everyone else's sisters has been a fine way to spend this morning. I wish Deb's big sister were mine -- she sounds wonderful. The thread reminds me how lucky I am to be on good relations with my siblings. My family constellation is:

my older sister
me
our brother
the twin sisters.

I have a special relationship with each one and we are, I'm told, a maelstrom of chaos when we're together. Everybody wants to talk and show off things, do something and listen, all at the same time, even our kids. Apparently, it is daunting to most, though some of our friends can join into the fray and be welcomed, ignored, admired and loved in equal amounts. There are a couple of rifts between certain family members, and we had our share of knockdown, dragout fights when we were younger, but I am on good terms with everyone.... terms that are getting better as we all recognize that life is fleeting.

How well that point is driven home, Swimpy, by your loss. I think it is important to make the most of it, including celebrating our families. Life is too short... it is easy to be caught up in the mundane and not reach out, even to those we love.

I saw all but one of my sisters on Christmas Eve. One of the twins returned late from a ski-trip and cancelled her plans to come over at the last minute -- atypical for her, it is usually her sister who pulls that trick! LOL I'm going to make a special effort to see that skier this weekend. I'm sure I'll be giving her extra hugs and thinking how lucky I am. When she was a baby, I took care of her and her twin a lot. I was ten years older and the perfect age for being a mother's helper.

Our family became close, I think, because our mother died too young, at 57. That'll be twenty-one years ago in January. The oldest sister worked hard over the years to keep up together, especially through big social events for the family. One of the favorites was the Spring Group Birthday Party --it has ten cakes (four of the siblings are born then, so are four cousins & a couple of spousal units). Each recipient, even the youngest, was asked to pick whatever kind of cake they wanted -- their heart's desire. Then she'd bake and bake and bake. The cakes looked beautiful and whatever was left was, of course, taken home by the birthday boy or girl. That sister is a successful lawyer, so it always struck the rest of us not-such-high-achievers as funny that she'd delight in the "home arts," but she does. We don't do that anymore. She moved further away and it is hard for all of us to make the time to visit. We did spend the night at her house in November and she drove here for Christmas, and we talk on the phone once a week or so.

My two younger sisters are often discussed as a pair... "the Twins" but they are very different, one tall & blonde, the other small & dark. Both are extremely creative and talented. One is a writer and gardener, the other is a caterer and designer. They are the only others besides me to have children. It has brought the three of us closer, of course, as we arranged for the cousins to get together. I love my nieces and nephews as well as I love my own kids. They are adorable and I'm so thankful that these sisters decided to become mothers. We also talk on the phone and see each other a little more frequently.

I also have three sisters-in-law. I am not so close to the sisters-in-law who live in the midwest and south, though we have very cordial relations, but my brother's wife has become like a fifth sister in our family group. She is another high-achiever who also hasn't had kids (much to our disappointment) but she loved our mother very much before she died and is as much a part of the family as any of us. We have a special sharing relationship because she and my brother and Mr. P and I bought out the rest of the sibs to keep our family home intact. It is a place that had two houses on it, one big, one small. My brother and sister-n-law will be great neighbors, too. I wish we lived in that small house full-time, but it is our plan to retire there. We spent Christmas Day at the big house. It felt good, as always, to be in the house where we grew up. Here's a story about them... my sister-in-law was mock-annoyed at my brother and kept making faces at him and rolling her eyes and teasing him because he subscribes to the Charlie Brown Christmas tree ideal. He had the most scraggly, thread-bare, scrawny plant that ever called itself a fir tree. It was lightly decorated (it couldn't handle much!) and looked just perfect in their otherwise very fine house.

Swimp, Hi.

I have two sisters, both very much alive and often ornery. I'm the baby in my family. Blessings to all of you here. I know what it is to be down and out at the holiday season.

Oh Swimpy, I'm so sorry to read of your loss.

I have no biological sisters. I have 2 sisters-in-law and a bunch of sorority sisters. I guess I always wanted that bond.

My sisters-in-law and I are all geographically remote, so we don't interact much. I guess I'm closer to D. (my brother's wife) than A. (my husband's sister), but probably more because D. is in the U.S. and is mother to our nephew, the wonder child. A., on the other hand, lives in Italy with her husband so we rarely see them.

My sorority sisters are mainly remote (a few of them live in Mass.) and fade in and out of my life - out more as we've all gotten older. Used to be, we'd all write frequently, but then kids, marriages, grad school, jobs and just life itself intervened and made us all more distant, unfortunately. I was hoping I'd hear from one or more this holiday season, but so far I haven't heard from any of them. Hmm, I wonder if the bond is finally broken. Too bad if it is, but it's not like I didn't see it coming, I guess.

Condolences from Mr. J. and me, to you and your family.

Dear Swimpy,
How sad to hear of you losing your sister.... and during the holidays even yet! I hope you can really come to BASK in the memories that were pleasant, and all the beauty you always saw in her.

I am one of FOUR sisters, and I moved here in 2001, to live with two of them. And our baby sister is only 10 minutes away by car.
I often thought, because I was the oldest... it would be easier for me, because they would likely have to bear 'LOSING' me... and have to find a way to go on without me. Then one day, I realized what a selfish thought that was!

Grief is very weighty to bear anytime, but especially hard during holidays, when families are laughing, and making merry- and often visiting each other from distances.
We were enjoying a crowded dinner
and wonderful Thanksgiving, when news reached us that my daughters husband had committed suicide. He was an MS patient, but I think he still had some good years left. No one really knows what causes a person to give up.
Things have gone downhill from there, Swimpy. I know what you mean when you say you did not have a Merry Christmas.

I love you Swimpy. You are a good lady. I hope the Lord blesses you real good. Lou

theolady, I am so sorry! What more can I say, except please know my prayers are with you and your family!

Something good has come from reading about Swimpy's sister's death ... I am realizing more and more how I need to be nice to my sister because I feel she won't be with us very long. Then again, she could very well outlive me!

I will be as nice as I can be from now on, whether or not the possibilities because she is really a good person, controlling, but good, deep down!

Dear Swimpy,

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I have neither sisters nor brothers. My mother died the same day as your sister. She had outlived her younger sister and baby brother. I remember the relationship she had with each of them. A closeness brought of years living under the same roof with her sister. She and her sister had some of the worst arguments I've ever seen. But they remained close afterwards. My mother had a maternal feeling toward her brother. No fights. In fact, he could do no wrong.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother's death, Roberta. My thoughts are with you.

I promise to come back and post to each of you that shared with me. There are so many thigs to deal with right now. I have learned a few things. I need to have a will and I need to tell people what I want at teh end of my life.

Dear Swimpy

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It must be terribly hard getting through this. My thoughts are with you.

Love,
Olga

Swimpy, I have no sisters so I can't imagine what it's like to try to work through the loss of one. Wishing you strength, and the knowledge that many people love you.


My mother is one of seven sisters. When Setanta and I visited the hamburgers over Christmas, the dogs were squabbling. My mother started laughing and said it reminded her of being with her sisters. Their father had a rule that if he caught them arguing/fighting, they had to kiss and make up - with him as a witness. The worst torture for a bunch of little girls - kissing and making up. She said she learned a lesson from that. Don't fight in front of your father.

Hold on to your hot pepper charm and know that we're hugging you.

I'm so sorry, Swimpy. There's no good time for something like this, I know. At least families are more likely to be around each other during the holidays, so I hope you've been able to spend extra time with those that are left.

I'm the oldest of three siblings...two girls then a boy. My sister and I do the best we can to get along, but there are old rivalries and issues we may never get past. Fortunately, we live a couple thousand miles apart, so when we do see each other, both of us are determined to make the time pleasant.

Now that we are middle-aged and both of our parents are gone, it is especially nice to talk to someone who shares your childhood memories. It can be very strained at times, but we're the only ones left that remember certain things...and certain people. We've been sharing a lot of old family photos and stories during the past few years for precisely this reason. They don't mean anything to anyone else.

My sister came to visit a month or two ago, and we hung a large bunch of framed family photos up my stairway wall. We did it together. I got the nicest card from her before Christmas saying she really appreciated seeing all those familiar faces again and was happy to know there was someone else who valued those memories enough to hang the pictures in a prominent place.

Swimpy, you have my deepest sympathies.

I am the oldest of eight, four boys and four girls. Although we are now scattered over the globe my sisters form a close even exclusive group, which has caused some problems for the sister-in law's as they often feel they are excluded (it is unintentional). We, as a family, are very close, and though we are all still young and healthy and do not anticipate such an event, the death of any one would be traumatic for all of us.

Swimpy. I am so sorry.


A memory of mine - when I was seventeen and it was early evening on Christmas eve, my father went out for a walk. We lived in Los Angeles, and it is often balmy or at least not really cold there some days in the winter. He took a long time and I finally opened the front door to go see if he was anywhere around. He was lying on the front step barely conscious.

He lived. It turned out to be a bleeding ulcer, and he was immensely anemic, virtually hemorraging. I cannot describe how stunned I was.

Anyway, love and hugs to you.

My husband lost his younger brother to a fire a few weeks ago. We buried him on Dec. 20. Hubby seems to be doing okay but every now and then I look up and see him staring into space.

aww wow I'm so sorry Swimpy...


I have one little sister, she is 7 years younger then me. I take her to the mall with my friends because she is 7 and really looks up to all my friends and they like her alot too. We don't usually fight, except when she tries t wear my clothes... I mean, she shops in the kiddie department i shop in the teen area--our clothes aren't the same size! So she drags them on the floor and spills things on my jeans and such.... She is always cheerful and always makes me feel better when I am sad... I really love my sister.

Swimpy

I wish I could tell you a wonderful, true story about my sister & I, but sadly, it has not been a good relationship, for many reasons. I'm envious, amazed & fascinated when I see siblings that obviously care for each other ... even functional families, for that matter.
I'm sorry for the loss you must be feeling now, but heartened by the fact that your relationship with each other was such a good & close one.

Love,
Olga