Sisters - Subtitled "No, I didn't have a Merry Christmas."

Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 08:56 pm
I don't want to rain on anyone's Christmas so, if you don't want to be brought down, leave this thread now.

My sister died this Christmas Eve. I'm not asking for your sympathy, but I do have a request. Do you have one or more sisters? Please post something about your sister(s). Whether you have a great relationship or not, I'd like to hear about her. My sister and I did not always get along, but we loved each other. Going to the mall tonight to buy an appropriate funeral outfit made me think about all the times we went shopping together. I also thought about the times, when we were teenagers, doing each other's hair, borrowing each other's clothes, talking about boys. Sisters share a special bond.

Please share.
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 09:02 pm
Wow. Umm.. Well, I have 7 sisters but the brother/sister thing is different I think.

((((hugs)))) to you anyway there Swimpy. My condolences.
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 09:08 pm
Swimpy I am so sorry.

I have 2 sisters. We don't always get along either. Especially my 2 sisters with eachother. My oldest sister is the only one with kids in our family - a 4 y.o. and a newborn. She and my mother have had a uncomfortably bad relationship for years that has gotten worse since the kids were born. But this season, before xmas, at dinner she looked at her daughter and said, "You have a really fun family don't you?" Makes me tear up now thinking about it. She never seems satisfied with anything (including most of us), and that was a good thing to hear.

Thanks for letting me share that Swimpy. My heart aches for you.
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 09:09 pm
Ohhhhh no. Swimpy. I'm so sorry.

The thought of losing either of my sisters is just too too hard to imagine.

My sister, L. is really and truly my best friend. We try to meet up once a year or so - just the two of us. I talked to her on Christmas and we talked about how we didn't get to do that last year - mostly because Little Mo killed my leisure time but there were other reasons too....

Our trips started about 15 years ago when we went to spend a week in Puerto Villarta. We had so much fun that we swore we would do it every year. Mostly we stick closer to home - San Diego, New Orleans, Vegas (a few times in Vegas). Missing our trip this year was so hard.

My other sister, S., and I have a true love hate relationship. Talking about her would fill a book! At one point in our lives - our early 20s - we were inseperable though. We had so much fun and how we ever avoided serious trouble I'll never figure out.

I can't imagine life without either of them.

It makes my heart hurt just to think about it.

It makes my heart hurt for you.

Rest easy, Swimpy's sister.

Rest easy, Swimpy.
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 09:16 pm
I'm sorry for your loss.

I do not have any sisters, but always wanted one.
I lost a brother a couple a years ago and he was just as dear to me as any sister would be. He was my best friend.
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 09:16 pm
Swimpy, I am so sorry for your loss!

I have 5 sisters, and we all get along fabulously long distance, but when we're together, watch out, we could tear each other's hair out.

The one that bothers me the most is my older sister Doreen. She is controlling, argumentative, a "born-again Christian" destined to convert the world.

Each time we speak on the phone, I resolve not to get mad at her, and almost never keep my promise. She has a way of pushing my buttons, she has always had that effect on me. Granted, since we "matured" it's a little better, but she still has a way of making my hair stand up!

Lately, I've been thinking I should be nice to her, because I don't think she's going to live very long ... and I'm going to feel very guilty if she dies before I do. I hope she lives a long, long life, but if not I don't know how I will ever forgive myself for being so nasty to her.

I do love her, but man, she drives me nuts!
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 09:17 pm
My condolences, Swimpy, on the loss of your sister.

I had a sister. She was about fifeteen years older than I and died from acute alcoholism in 1988. She was extremely intelligent, had a head for mathematics, and confessed to me her resentment for the day that I was born, being forced then to share our father.
She was a very, very unhappy woman and there was nothing any of us could do to help her.
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 09:28 pm
eoe, I'm so sorry!

Sometimes, there's nothing you can do, but love someone from afar!
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 09:42 pm
Fishin, 7 sisters!?! Are you the only son? I had three sisters and four brothers. I've never been that close to any of my brothers, but my sisters and I are like a sub-family. Thanks for the hug, bud.

Littlek, I think just about every family has someone like that who is never satisfied with their life. My late sister was a lttle bit that way.

Misti, Yes, sisters are very good at pushing buttons aren't they? Funny how you forget all of that after they're gone.

Boomer, I think my sister was like S. We were inseperable when we were young, too. Things became strained later. We were able to mend the old wounds when she was in the hospital, though. I'm very gratefuyl for that.

eoe, I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I know how hard it is to watch someone you love make bad choices that have a lasting effect on their own lives and the lives of those who love them.
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 10:07 pm
My family numbered twelve children: five girls, seven boys. We three oldest boys had the remaining nine for half siblings. The youngest, Lucinda, died at the crawling stage in 1956. She was accorded a pauper's grave. The remaining four sisters fight like animals. They live at least a few states apart. Some don't even communicate with each other. I once got so disgusted I quit talking to any of them for about five years. Then I sought them out, one at a time, told them what I was feeling, and we were friends again. But they still fight among themselves.
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 10:09 pm
Swimpy, I am so very sorry.

My younger sister is my only sibling. Growing up, my father drilled it into our heads that 'you're all each other has'. Then the teen-age years hit and we absolutely hated each other.

Until my son was born. After six years of not speaking to each other at all, she was the first person I saw after coming out of anesthesia. We agreed at that moment to agree to disagree and not fight anymore.

Fifteen years later, I can honestly say that my sister is my best friend. We live too far away from each other, but the distance doesn't change our closeness.

Being a sister is a great gift.

Be easy of heart, my friend. You can adopt me as your sister if you want.
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 10:09 pm
The only time my sister and I weren't quarreling was when we were fighting - till I left home. The relationship gets better all the time, though let me tell you, that is one strong headed woman.

Sorry for your loss. The only way I can see to avoid it myself is to get out ahead of her - like I haven't made her enough problems already.
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 10:23 pm
My sister and I were never really close. She was several years older than I and we weren't raised together in the same house (my fathers' daughter from a previous marriage) but it hurt to see her torture herself and allow the ugliness she saw in everything to eat her up so.
Swimpy, knowing that everything was cool between the two of you when your sister passed away is the blanket you wrap yourself up in when you think about her and begin to miss her. How happy you must be, even in your grief, to have that.
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Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 10:44 pm

I don't have a sister (or a brother), and haven't minded. Have been going through the wringer deciding whether the sozlet will have/ will be a sister. Will read this with interest.
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Walter Hinteler
Reply Fri 26 Dec, 2003 11:10 pm
Swimpy, assuring you my deepest sympathy.

(Hope, you could phone with your son overhere.)

I've a sisetr, three years younger.
We had the usual quarrels as childs, became close friends when studying. (She went to college in a city close to my university. Hadh a 'rough' time there and needed sometimes "the older brother".)

However, after her marriage -although my wife and I were witnesses and the oldest is my godchild- we didn't do very well.
And since a couple of years, we just talk only about the most important - which means, not at all.
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Reply Sat 27 Dec, 2003 01:13 am
Aw Swimpy, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine your pain.
I'm at my sisters now, sharing a pizza and a game of trivial pursuit. I always win, but she's a good sport.
My sister and I have only just recently begun a relationship. She and I are the bookends in a family of five. She and I, in many respects were at either end of the generation, different music, friends and influences. My life took me a million places and I always seemed too busy to be a part of her life. Thankfully, we are now close and have so much in common. We live in the same neighbourhood, our children play together and we enjoy our time together.
I'm glad our relationship has matured. I happy we are friends. I would miss her terribly if I lost her.

Swimpy you are in my thoughts.
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Reply Sat 27 Dec, 2003 01:39 am
Crying or Very sad I share your pain, my sister,mother, and niece all died around the same time, just a year or two apart. mother died with lung cancer,[smoking]sister-bone cancer a year later, niece ran over by 3 different vehicles. It was a very sad 4 years. If you would like to talk about your loss or just some one to listen, my shoulder is yours.


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Reply Sat 27 Dec, 2003 02:04 am
Swimpy - I am so sorry..... I hope her death was peaceful and free of pain.

I think you know I had a sister, who died when she was 10, (of cystic fibrosis) and I was eight?

It is odd, because a dear friend, who lost a daughter when she was six and a half, was speaking to his son, (who was 8 at the time of the death) about her. The son - who is now in his twenties - was saying that he feels no sadness, because he can barely remember his sister.

I, on the other hand, remember Susan, my sister, exceptionally well. We were very close - I think in many ways she was more of a mother to me than my mother, who was shattered at the news that Susan had a terminal illness (which she received when she was in hospital after my birth) was able to do. I suspect she went into a severe depression - and walked through the motions of caring for her new babe, while emotionally immersed in dealing with the care of and grief abut her first - as was very natural.

Anyway, Susan was wise in the way that many dying children are. She was a very girly girl - and I not so - she was naturally obedient and sweet - I not so - despite this, and the fact that she was almost never in trouble, and I very frequently so (!) we loved each other very much - and she soothed and cared for me. My first memory is of her changing my nappies after I refused to allow the baby-sitter to do so - the first photo of me as a tiny babe is with her hovering anxiously over me, with a fearful and angry face, protecting me with her body, because she thought the photographer was a doctor, and she was doubtless a child used to doctors inflicting pain and distressing procedures!

We shared a love of animals - and the attentions of our black cat, who used to delight in hiding under one of our beds, and slashing our ankles as we got in at night. She taught me to leap from afar!

I can also remember her shielding me from the angry, fear-inspired, beatings of my mother if I hurt her (Susan) accidentally in playing rough games.

We NEVER told on each other - it was a sacred rule - and this was inconvenient at times - as when I was going to give her a good night kiss (I went to bed half an hour earlier and the kiss was a parental rule) and I was able to see her, as I kissed my parents, working up a mouthful of spit to leave on my cheek! I guess she wasn't ALWAYS sweet and good!

We both loved reading, and loved making up stories and plays together, which were acted out by us and our friends.

She adored ballet, which was a totally closed book to me, not being the tutu sort.

We shared a room for a long time, and talked to each other long into the nights. When she was given her own bedroom, next door, we developed a complex code of knocks on the wall to communicate with each other.

When she was ill, as she was frequently, I was not supposed to see her, since I might have germs which she would not be able to resist. We both found this separation difficult, as we did not really understand it, and I would sneak in, no matter how often I was punished for it, and we would often be found in bed together, asleep! I think my mother gave up, in the end.

I remember her last illness very vividly - and how I was able to give her a tiny orphan kitten to care for (only a few days old, with firmly closed eyes) because people brought me such things, since I was known to care for them. I can also recall the ambulance which carried her away - my last glimpse, since little children were not, then, permitted to visit other children in the children's hospital! (A barbarous practice, long gone, of course.)

Obviously, after so many years, the grief has largely passed - but not always - and I think losing such a motherlike sister has had a big impact on my sense of safety and confidence in the world - more so, probably, than it would have had if my mother had been more able to care.

I hope you had a good relationship with your sister, Swimpy, and many happy memories?

Can you bear to tell us a little about her?
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Reply Sat 27 Dec, 2003 02:19 am
I have 2 sisters, and a brother living,I LOVE them 'very' much and fear the thought of loosing them.one was painfuL enough. I am closer to the ones that are still with me. we are very close,I live in .o., sisters live in Mississippi,brother in WEST VA. DON'T see each other much, but call every day to say [I LOVE YOU ]. But loved my deceased sister a lot also,and she love us. on her death bed she cryed like a baby, beause she didn't want to die,and i have to live with that picture for the rest of my life.[very painful]. But we learn to cope as time goes by, belive me it gets easier not that we forget,but we learn to live with good memories of our loved ones, and cherish those moments. And even find humor in some of our,not so good time.


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Reply Sat 27 Dec, 2003 07:11 am
You have my deepest sympathies. I don't have any sisters, but I know what I feel for my family and can only imagine your pain.
I lost my father when I was 21 and my heart hurts for you.
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