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Guys, please give your comment on the poem

 
 
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2010 09:35 pm
Drunken in the Shadow of Flowers

By Docofsoul

(Attributed to Li Qingzhao)


Light mist joins heavy cloud,
The day fills me with sorrow;
Turned ashes in the gold stove,
The camphol now has gone.

Again the Double Ninth Festival,
The gauze bednet hung like veil.
I slept securely with jade pillow,
Until midnight it turned icy chill.

Drinking at eastern fence unto dusk,
Yellow daisy quietly breathes scents,
Till at last dreamily full of my sleeves.

Who will say no? My soul's tipsy.
As western wind rolls up curtains.
More emaciated than yellow flowers,
Who will lament? The young lady.












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laughoutlood
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2010 10:22 pm
@oristarA,
Truly shi.
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Oct, 2010 11:49 pm
@laughoutlood,
Do you want Roberta bop you with her cane again, "ya big lug?"

http://able2know.org/topic/162161-3#post-4371347
laughoutlood
 
  1  
Reply Wed 6 Oct, 2010 08:03 pm
@oristarA,
Li Qingzhao's poetry was originally published in seven volumes of shi (traditional poetry) and prose, plus six volumes of ci (lyrics composed to be set to existing popular music). About 50 ci (tz'u in the old spelling) and 17 shi survive. Also extant are three complete prose works:

Hou hsu,

http://home.infionline.net/~ddisse/liquinzh.html

I'd probably add a fourth line to the third stanza.

Would you care to analyse the original for those of us who don't read Chinese dialects?
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Oct, 2010 06:19 am
@laughoutlood,
People with the backgroud of Chinese culture may shed tears when reading the peom. It has been very clear in the context of tradition of China.

Please read it as it is, mate.

Why not add that fourth line to the third stanza? I hope you will take a try.
0 Replies
 
laughoutlood
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Oct, 2010 10:29 pm
@oristarA,
docofsoul , what a thoroughly apt alternate sobriquet oristar

apologies for the changes given i dont have access to the original shi

The morning mist greets heavy cloud
On days so filled with sorrow
That ashes left on golden stoves
Wish camphols scent tomorrow.

Moot festivals of double 9
Hang as portents on the veil
Like clinging jaded pillow talk
To some midnight icy rail.




oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Nov, 2010 12:32 am
@laughoutlood,

Quote:

The morning mist greets heavy cloud
On days so filled with sorrow
That ashes left on golden stoves
Wish camphols scent tomorrow.


Cool! I like it.

I only regret that you are not familiar with Chinese culture.


laughoutlood
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Nov, 2010 12:02 am
@oristarA,
Quote:
I only regret that you are not familiar with Chinese culture.


Perhaps you would be kind enough to share more of your culture with A2K.
0 Replies
 
 

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