Knowing people's upbringing and relationship with their parents

I believe that knowing where a person comes from, the environment, the day-to-day, offers incredible insight into that person's character and just what makes them tick.

I got along extremely well with both of my parents.

Never resented my mother for anything except making me afraid of things like being out alone at night and thunderstorms, which I overcame many years ago living on my own.

I had one half-sister who I never lived with. Two brothers I grew up with. Naturally I was closer to them.

Family gatherings were always a joy and I've been trying to recreate those times (without success) ever since I moved away and both of my parents have passed on.

I've always considered my childhood, even with the turmoil of an alcoholic father, a reasonably happy one. I was loved.

A person's relationship with family defines their morality; but you do not get it with a handful of questions, if at all... If people are smart they play that connection close to their chest... The more moral a person is, the more they love home and hearth and family the more they can be used... I try to send, and perhaps send to well the message to not fck with me...And that I would give up all the good things in life and life as well for justice... And maybe I would...

It can be, but one shouldn't assume anything. A person could have no relationship with his or her family and that could make that person feel that family is the MOST important thing - one often really strives for and values what they've never had. This is true of my mother - she was raised in an orphanage, so when she got out, she determined that what she wanted most in the world was a family and that's where she put all her efforts.
Another person in the same situation, might have grown accustomed to their independence and lack of binding ties to anyone or anything and so never sees the need for family- or never be able to fit it comfortably into their concept of themselves. I know several people like that.
I think it's all individual.


Very well. They were the perfect set of parents for me. My father was serious and disciplined and exacting though always kind - he didn't have a mean bone in his body.
My mother is soft and nurturing, loves silliness and fun. I could and did relate to both of them in different ways and their separate strengths and personalities covered all the bases in terms of what I needed in order to grow and mature in an environment of acceptance and love.

I don't. I think she's the strongest woman I've ever known. She came from nothing with nothing but she never let that stop her. She's just one of those lucky people who has a sunny disposition and believes in other people and herself- to the point the sadness, poverty, and abuse in her background never even seem to figure.
I don't know how she does it.
When I think of my mother - I think 'love'. She embodies love to me.
And she's a hell of a lot of fun. The other word I think of when I think of her is 'laughter'.
And 'example' (for me as a woman, as a mother, and as a person in general).


I was closer in age - we have the same interests. I'm closest to my youngest sister - we just clicked as soon as we could understand each other's speech. We laugh at the same things, we appreciate each other's strengths. We look at each other with kind eyes, an understanding or recognition that happens sometimes between one person and another. She's my best friend. When I think about losing people in my life, I think it will be hardest for me to lose her.
My older sister is great - she's a rock - I think she's smart, competent, kind, strong - but we're not best friends, although I know she'd do anything for me as I would for her. Our relationship is one of mutual caring and respect, but doesn't include as much laughter and identification.

My other younger sister is a rigid, judgmental, fundamentalist Christian and we have trouble communicating-but I try my hardest to remember her good points and love her.

My older brother is a conservative, materialistic, smooth-talking, business man so I don't have much in common with him - although I do try to love him too.

I was and would have stayed very close to my youngest brother. We got each other - but he died.


I enjoy them for the most part. When/if any conflict starts - my modus operandi is to withdraw - I'll just get one of the dogs and take him for a walk or go take a nap or suddenly remember a friend I haven't seen in a while and need to call.
But that only happens when my judgmental sister is around and starts her game of ' let's compare and contrast the morals of everyone in the room'.
I can handle my brother's stuff - he is a polite person and knows how to communicate without intentionally offending.

I love gatherings with my mother and other two sisters and their families without reservation.

URL: http://able2know.org/topic/161849-1#post-4362381

Why stop at parental relationships? I think understanding a person's attitude towards family is a composite of not just their own relationship with their biological family but also in their relationships with others. Our "other mothers" so to speak. I think my image of family is largely influenced by my upbringing, but also by relationships I've had outside of it.

In learning how to communicate frustration, I feel this was a lesson I learned from an old supervisor of mine. One whom I feel took a very motherly role with me. I think that my attitude and patience when deal with others and their frustrations is more influenced by her than by either of my parents.

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I don´t know how to answer that question as the majority of people I know today I don´t know their family background close enough or not at all or very little. My old friends from my hometown is something else. There I can to a certain degree see how family life influenced them.

I got along very well with my father and the relatives living in our family.
As I grew up without a mother I can hardly recent her.
I have no brothers and sisters. I have cousins with whom I spent a lot of time. I got along with them both male and female.

I miss family gatherings very much. I grew up in a Danish family and noone can celebrate family gathering with family and friends like the Danes. It is not only nostalgy when I say so, but I have had it confirmed by non Danes who have taken part in Danish gatherings - it is something very special.

If any of you have read the story of my adoption family experience, you know it was difficult. That's why I'm enjoying your stories about your good and nourishing families. Thanks for sharing them with us.

BBB