Blood Letting Blues or a Crisis in Self-Esteem Management

Hi guys.

I'm ashamed and embarrassed and didn't want to start a new thread for this ... tepid concern of mine. But I'm flummoxed and frustrated and don't really know what to do.

Today was a strange anticlimactic day. I had an appointment for donating platelets this afternoon. Left early so I could get a decent sized lunch in preparation for my platelet donation. Got a healthy chicken dinner with a salad sans salad dressing for lunch.

I was feeling positive ... okay ... I was trying to remain on the positive side of things. The 3 out of the last 4 attempts at donating platelets have come to an abject failure. After each failed attempt, I was told these things happen and that I shouldn't worry. For some reason, my veins couldn't hold up to the donating process so I was kind of gun shy and anxious about today's appointment.

I should have known better when I arrived early to my appointment (I made online and received an email confirmation) the receptionist told me she didn't have me in her official appointment sheets. I should have taken this as an ominous sign.

Nevertheless, she took my information and let me fill out the prerequisite blood donor form. I then went to get my blood donor mini-interview/minicheckup everyone gets before donations.

Another oddity... when the nurse was checking my iron levels ... I noticed an odd error message on the machine. The nurse filled out the paperwork out and then sent me back to the room where the platelet machines were set up.

So far, I was getting into a better mood per each stage passed despite the oddities of this particular appointment.

The nurse who did my intake interview then came in and sent the present nurse who started to get the donation process started away on a break perhaps. She did her usual routine and checked both my arms to see which arm had the best veins. And then found a vein in my left arm.

When she stuck the needle in my left arm, it seemingly hurt more then usual (perhaps the most it ever hurt since I started donating blood and platelets 6 years ago).

The machine started doing its usual draw then return dance and it seemed fine for ... I don't know 5 to 10 minutes... then the worst failure I have ever seen ... the bloody needle pops out of my arm <<<sigh>>> <<<sigh>>> and that is the end of my platelet session as they couldn't restart another session because ... heck I don't understand no do I care.

The one true thing in which I believe gives me a sense of self worth and pride is my donating platelets (I already know I have a low sense of esteem). I have failed (or something or someone else... whatever) has failed the last 4 out of the last 5 times.

I don't know what to make of this recent history of epic donation failures. Should I give up on the whole platelet donations?!

I don't even know what to tag this thread. It isn't just a thread on blood and/or platelet donations.

Heck titling it Blood Letting Blues seems a bit too self dismissive and an oversimplification of the actual problem. Would Blood Letting Blues or a Crisis in Self Esteem Management seem too melodramatic?

I really like my job. I really like my friends at work. I don't really find myself of any particular value and what value I did hold on for myself just blew away with an unexpected summer wind and into the East River.

Two good things came out of today... the chicken dinner special at the Silver Star Diner was nice. And I did see the Steve Carrel/Paul Rudd film Dinner For Schmucks because my platelet appointment ended an hour and a half earlier then expected.