can the middle school retain my child

I don't understand your question.

Do you want him to be held back?

What will be "horrible" for your son is if he feels overwhelmed in the classroom by material he can't understand or do.

You ought to be working to get him where he is comfortable, academically.

Change schools if possible. then no one will know.

PS - held back one daughter (now 35 and makes a very good living) and one grandaughter - best thing we did. Yes, they both balked at first, but made friends and continued on to be successful in school.

I think you will find that if you refuse to allow the school to hold your son back, they will capitulate, but you should consider whether or not it will be good for him in the long run.

If, for whatever reason, your son has not absorbed the lessons taught to him in this grade he will have difficulty in the next - especially in Math.

There is a stigma attached to being "left back," but not so severe as it was in the past and 10 years from now, no one will car one whit.

What is best for his self-esteem: Struggling to keep up with the other kids and constantly failing, or being able to compete with his peers and succeed albeit knowing he was "left back?"

Think about what is best for him, not for you.

I need your help...you all sound very wise and I as a father am struggling. Soi please help...trust me my feelings won't be hurt. My son jacked around in middle school this year. He pulled most subjects out but Math. He spends summers with me because he lives 2000 miles away. His teachers told me it was not ability, but motivation. I do not want to give up my summer because he couldn't get it together. I had warned him of this in April that I would not do this since it wasn't ability. He will be retained if he doesn't go to summer school and the summer schools here are packed and have said NO. I need advice. My email is [email protected].