Yummmmmmm, fudge!
Eva -- I was taught to return favors too (and also to send timely thank-you notes), but not necessarily right at that moment. I think it is funny that you say everyone in the South keeps a few wrapped presents in their closet for unplanned giftings. LOL I do not spend much time in the South, never have and probably never will, but you can bet that I'll be on the lookout for wrapped presents if I do go. I must ask my sisters-in-law about this, one lives in Georgia, one live in southern Missouri (which seems very Dixie-South).
I am confused on one point. It is considered good form here on the West Coast to bring a hostess present when you're coming to someone's house for a party or dinner... the same kinds of presents as we'd talked about. In the South would that put the hostess on the defensive and she'd feel obligated to pull out a present?
It's true, I think there are bigger regional differences than we may know about. Mr.P transplanted himself from the midwest, but being a male, would have no idea of the subtleties of gifting.
I agree with piffka again, most of my west coast friends bring a little "something" when visiting, unless it is a friend you see a lot of. I have brought countless bottles of wine, or some homemade bread or a little vase + a flower, or a jar of fancy olives or....
A hostess gift is given in return for the dinner invitation, piffka. It is usually done if it's a first-time invitation...not very often among good friends. When we're invited by our good friends, we immediately ask what we should bring. They usually say wine or dessert.
Re: planning ahead for unplanned gifts...I have one friend who always keeps a whole case of wine just for this purpose...and she's already put ribbon bows on each of the bottles! LOL! A lot of people don't plan, though, and they are quite embarrassed when you give them unexpected Christmas gifts.
I think a lot of this is regional. When I visited my sister in Seattle, she told me her friends always bring a small hostess gift unless it's a potluck. It took her a while to get used to this custom when she moved up there. Now she keeps a few small gifts handy for when they are invited somewhere. Her husband, who is from Minnesota, is completely confused by this. He doesn't remember his mother ever doing hostess gifts. Is that common there?
I can't imagine to go to visit anyone, for any tiny reason, and not taking a hostess gift.
On the flip side, there's no expectation/requirement of a gift for a gift.
Must be regional/cultural.
My parents were proudly anti-"bourgeois". There were all kinds of social graces that had been drilled into them as kids that they refused as a matter of principle to pass on to me. As a kid who wanted to do the right and polite thing, that frustrated me -- I learned stuff like table settings from my grandma. There are a bunch of things like this (hostess gifts) that I gradually picked up in adulthood.
I always take a hostess gift to the house of someone I don't know very well if I am invited to dinner, but for close friends, I'm more likely to ask, "Can I bring anything?" and if the answer is "just yourself," I don't. Most of my peers seem to be the same. I dunno if we are all rude, though, or if it is just what is called for 'round here.
The hostess gift is in addition to the 'what can i bring?' question here, soz.
In uni we even took little gifts if we went over to a friend's to play scrabble. It must be the Ontario thing.
I think it is a little odd that a similar pattern would be in Ontario and the West Coast. I wonder if Ontario's habits are the same as the rest of Canada, and the Canadian habit oozed south along the west coast?
Must think about this... definitely presents are welcome though surely not ever required. West coasties are way too laid back to get fussy about that. The gifts are little bits of thoughtfulness -- could even be a magazine article or a newspaper cut-out that applies to the family. Just something to show you've been thinking of them, so it really does need to be something personal. Otherwise, after they've gone the hosts'll say "Why did they give us this?" An example... at Thanksgiving (to which we brought three items as it was a family potluck) we also brought a couple dozen roses for the hostess, since I know she loves them. They ended up needing to borrow a flashlight from my car; next time I bring them something, it will likely be a flashlight. At another friend's house, we talked about their cats and the fun of using a laser pen to play with the kitties. We'll be bringing them a laser pen, next time if I don't just mail them one. So it goes. The laser pen wouldn't even have to be brand new... the flashlight... well, it probably would be.
Piffka has it, a thoughtful process but not very formalized. Though we are closer geographically now that I moved north a few years ago, I was near the bottom of California (US) and she near the top of Washington. Somehow I doubt this all dribbled down... I think it is more that we are away from what must have been perceived over time as the main office, the more formal East. I remember when I worked at the university in LA, we were in a building a few blocks from the main campus. Much more laid back.
Our company funds a chair in leukemia research at the local Sick Kids. We had a re-gifting sale on Thursday - about $400 raised. Not bad, especially considering that we're a fairly small office (and about 20% were away writing industry exams). We're going to do it again in January or February.
and i love the little thingie i bought. someone hand-painted flowers on a little plaque and put 3 hooks on it. i've been running around the house, trying to figure out which room it's MOST perfect for. I'm thinking of hanging some girlie purses on it.
Nice idea, Beth. I particularly like that you'll do it again in a couple of months.
Your description of the plaque reminded me of something I saw at a craft show. Possibly everyone else has seen these, but they were new to me. You take a fancy saucer (y'know how everyone has a lot more saucers than cups, because the cups chip or break?) and you glue a little mirror in the indentation, then attach a hook in one of several ways and... ta da... a fancy little mirror. Hmmm, not quite a regift, but a recycle/reuse sort of idea.
hmmmmmmm
i was just wondering where i was going to find some more interesting little mirrors to put in the mirror zone
hmmmmmm
