Re-gifting

I forgot to say welcome, Moot, and welcome back, dròm_et_rêve.

Jes, what IS a sandwich maker? Some sort of George Foreman contraption? I read your post and laughed, how silly, two sandwich makers you didn't even ask for, then just now re-read and realized I have no idea what it could be.

I'm definitely aided in my regifting by the fact that the regifted gift-givers (if you follow) are not usually around for gift display follow-up. We have an annual gathering in Minnesota which I go to or I just send items, and I think only one of my extended family has ever been here.

I'm an occasional re-gifter. I usually hang onto stuff for a while, in case the giver shows up to see their gift in context - then - out, once I'm over my guilt. This guilt issue took me decades to get over.

Forget about 2 sandwich makers, jes. In 1972, the oldest sister of a friend of mine got 8 fondue sets for her wedding. She gave one to each of her sisters, and to her mom, and had a couple left over.

Re-gifting. I like it.

drom et reve--

Mr. Noddy comes from a large and colorful clan. The Outspoken Sister isn't nearly as bad as the Black Sheep--but he's 1200 miles away and I have only a 60 mile buffer zone for her. One of her favorite topics of discourse is "Tranquilizers I have Known".

Back to addressing Christmas cards--I've reached Mr. Noddy's clan in the address file--all 54 of them.

Three years ago, we got tthree woks from friends, who already had one (each) - fortunately,we got 'normal' presents as well.

Two of these woks are still in the cellar - I'm wondering, where the third might be ...

Well, we not only got 2 sandwich makers (neither of which was even brand-name George Foreman; both very small and odd), but we also received 3 sets of towels and some 20 Champagne flutes. Mr. Jespah and I rarely entertain and we hardly ever drink Champagne, so the flutes were, well, nice, but not necessary. Still, we saved them, figuring on breakage. But we're now married over 11 1/2 years and still none of those dang flutes has broken. Perhaps we should start tossing them into the fireplace?

As for the many towels, the first thing I wondered was: are my family and friends trying to tell me something? But they've (the towels, uh, not the family, um, you know what I mean) proven to be quite useful. So it was a good thing to keep the towels, even though they do crowd the linen closet.

The thing that struck me about all of this was the fact that we were registered, which is supposed to prevent all of the duplications. It's supposed to, if friends and family (a) bother to check the list and (b) bother to inform the place where the registry is that the item has been purchased (you don't need to buy it from there). But, nooooo. Instead, chaos reigned, offending my overly anal Virgo soul to no end.

Eh, I got over it. :-D

8 fondue sets. Gawd.

If I don't like a present, I might give it to somebody who admired it, but I don't re-gift. Whatever we can't use goes to charity if it can't be returned. However, I buy used books all the time and shop in thrift and antique stores, so something old and lightly used does not offend me.

A few years ago while doing my duty as the Book Sale Chair for my local library, I found a donated book with Einstein's signature inside. It was a hand-made book of Japanese poetry given to him by a Japanese admirer. Einstein had then signed it over (with affection) to a colleague's daughter. Her son mistakenly donated it to us. We gave it back, of course, (a story in itself trying to find the owner) and had quite a chuckle over Einstein the Re-Gifter.

Mr.P has always said the best gifts are consumables. I've come to believe this is true, except for the very closest family members and for wedding presents (where they receive either money or something that won't break). I would never, ever give someone a household appliance.

There is a very tacky side of this, too. My mother kept a closet of all the unwanted gifts she'd received for the last umpteen years, then, on the arrival of guests, she'd rummage in there (within view of the guest/s) & present them with the most inappropriate (unwrapped) "gift" .... A shirt that was 3 times too small, a sixe 18 nightdress, a huge bar of chocolate(usually for a dieter), some ridiculous weight loss gadget she'd given up on herself ..... It, er ... made one feel very special.

Jespah--

Re: Plethora of flutes.

Consider celebrating the last day of each month of 2004 with a deathless-immortal toast. Then toss the flute in the fireplace so it will never be used for a lesser occasion.

There ya go.

MsOlga, that ain't right. Re-gifting can most definitely be done tackily, I think the question is just if it can be done UN-tackily. I think so. Hope so.

I'm given a little pause by the fact I wouldn't want the recipients to know it was a re-gift. Usually, that's a handy ethical yardstick -- if you need to hide the truth, the truth probably isn't something you should be doing.

Hmmm...

In the case of the caftans from Liberia, I told my cousins that they were an earlier gift to me. They understood my circumstances. On thrift shop items, which are not strictly regifts of course... a surprising number of my friends with a wide range of incomes ferret about for treasures in antique and thrift shops. Frankly, we are soooo old. We have had decades of shopping at department stores and big box stores notched on our bandoliers... much of that is pretty boring for us.

Also, in the design world anyway, the weathered look, something of a patina, is in, or was for a while. Perhaps fifteen years ago, I got really tired of trying to have a new looking wallet, car, etc. or even liking everything looking just out of the box. That change in my view might have coincided with my first trip to italy, where people prize good clothes but often keep that expensive coat, for example, for years.

A past colleague of mine used to hold occasional re-gifting parties. She had a cupboard full of never used/never dreamed of gifts. Then she'd invite friends and family over for a Sunday afternoon party - asking them to bring along at least one re-gift, and the promise to leave her house with at least one re-gift. She put everything out on display in a spare bedroom - and the rummaging was on - in the company of a glass or two of wine. She warned people in advance not to be offended, one of their past gifts to her might be in the room. Those she suspected would be offended, were, of course, not invited. She got rid of a lot of craft kits - she kept asking us who in the world ever thought she'd do needlepoint, or knit a sweater. Those of us who craft were pleased to be invited to the re-gifting party. I scored some pretty decent knitting yarn one year.

At my current work, we've had a couple of silent auctions as fund-raisers for a local Sick Kids hospitals - tables full of re-gifts. There was nearly a war over some flavoured olive oil last year. Good news for the hospital - as well as the person who got that oil out of their house.

Yep, a lot of re-gifts are going to my silent auction fundraiser. Probably about five. (Glass chess set, brand-new, etc.)

On the other hand, some of the items in my "re-gift" box are things that I bought for MYSELF and then thought better of. You'd think I'd know my OWN tastes.

The "white elephant" thing I mentioned before is a lot like the party you just described. Everyone brings an item that they just have around the house -- no going out and buying it allowed -- wraps it up, and brings it. Then everyone randomly selects a wrapped gift, and opens it. Once opened, bartering commences. It's pretty fun.

Mr. P's family has a similar tradition called "The Game." Aunts, uncles, cousins and all provide wrapped presents which are put in the center of the room. Then a huge set of dice is rolled, in turn. Sevens or elevens get to pick a "fresh" present, while doubles allow you to choose from one that has been chosen and is unwrapped. Many of these presents are probably old gifts, though there are all sorts of white elephants as well as something good like chocolate. It is hilarious to see which odd present ends up changing hands over and over and how the various participants try to hide a "good" gift. It's a great way for multi-generations to have fun together.

I save my re-gifts for those infuriating people who come by at the last minute with a gift...even though we have never exchanged gifts before. I don't care how much you like me...no gifts unless we've agreed to exchange them beforehand! If you surprise me at the last minute, you might just get that year-old tin of Danish butter cookies I keep wrapped in the closet.

I have change my tune on this one. I think regifting and giving things from ones home is all a good thing. It's the thought that counts. It is truely a sign of sickness that one is presured into buying something new and expensive in order for that gift to be worthy. Discusting. Before my mother died she gave certain things to people who admired them or liked them. My mothers old baking pan never went into such good hands that Marion Dexter.

While living in Toronto I witness alot of people who were in that funny circuit of getting lots of stuff for free and then spreading the goods with some friends.

It's such a bad sign that things must be new and expensive and indeed that is what we all crave but as you get older one realises, that yes indeed the quality og the time is lost on avarice and possesion greed.

Algis, yes, I know what you mean. I think I would ideally make all of my gifts -- and about 75% of them this year will be -- if I had the time and the knowledge that the recipients would value them. Usually I give one thing I made and one new thing, to balance things out a bit.

For example, my 5-year-old niece's gifts this year will be a princess dress-up set (crown and poofy skirt) that I sewed from a vintage (but clean) silk sari, burgundy with gold embroidery, and a Pottery Barn teddy bear, brand-new, from the re-gift box. (Was way on sale, has a little voice recorder thing in it, thought it would be cute to give to my mom with the sozlet's voice saying something, couldn't make it work, realized duh that's probably why it was way on sale, can just take that out and it's still a cute little fuzzy bear.)

Hey, I never posted the pictures of the stuff I made last year, which I'd said I would do. I'll see if I can find them and get them scanned.

Regifting parties and 'the Game'... now those are interesting ideas. The only problem is that one could end up exchanging an unwanted gift for... another unwanted gift! You never end up getting rid of anything, but at least you have a choice of re-gift/ have fun.

As for the whole fiasco, I think people make too big a deal of Christmas, and everyone would do well to relax for one day. Nonetheless, 'relax' and 'family' aren't often compatible words.