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Fri 1 Jan, 2010 12:54 am
Today, I witnessed my mom and her best friend conversing over a couple dollars. My mom's friend offered two dollars to help pay for a soda that my mom had wanted, and my mom declined her, saying she would rather put the soda back. This went on for about 10 seconds, literally.
"No, it's okay. I have plenty of money to spare. I don't mind, it's just a couple bucks."
"No, no, I couldn't take your money! I'll just put it back."
"C'mon, let me buy it for you Cass."
"No, I'm putting it back."
(I would have just said "Thanks!" and bought the soda.)
Now, this decline of polite-ness and generosity contradicts with a lot of things. The human wants, and goals. The human's goal of survival. It doesn't even have to be somebody that you know, and this polite dance will still happen.
Two people come to an intersection, being both held up by stop signs. They will motion for each other to go for about 7 seconds before someone finally drives off.
I believe that politeness is often a way of showing off, not of love or compassion for a person. Whether being generous and showing off money, or being polite and showing off patience, the polite dance is a competitive game that people play to make them feel better about themselves.
This is one of those games that is healthy for society; However, when I see someone being polite, I only see it when other people are around. To truly judge the character of a person, you must see what they do behind closed doors.
@Quinn phil,
Quinn;116028 wrote:
I believe that politeness is often a way of showing off, not of love or compassion for a person. Whether being generous and showing off money, or being polite and showing off patience, the polite dance is a competitive game that people play to make them feel better about themselves.
This is one of those games that is healthy for society; However, when I see someone being polite, I only see it when other people are around. To truly judge the character of a person, you must see what they do behind closed doors.
Sometimes people who do it may do it to show off. But, sometimes people who do it don't intend to show off, although they are. There might be all kind of motives working in a particular instance. Or it may just be awkwardness.
@kennethamy,
kennethamy;116061 wrote:Sometimes people who do it may do it to show off. But, sometimes people who do it don't intend to show off, although they are. There might be all kind of motives working in a particular instance. Or it may just be awkwardness.
Right, right. I get what you mean. But, even if not showing off to other people, your doing so to the other person. Like when you open the door for someone. Even subconsciously, you're trying to make yourself into a better person. Being polite is a great thing, because it always makes the you feel good about yourself, and the person you're being polite to benefits as well. I think it's the people that take advantage of polite-ness that ruin our society.
@Quinn phil,
Quinn;116028 wrote:Today, I witnessed my mom and her best friend conversing over a couple dollars. My mom's friend offered two dollars to help pay for a soda that my mom had wanted, and my mom declined her, saying she would rather put the soda back. This went on for about 10 seconds, literally.
"No, it's okay. I have plenty of money to spare. I don't mind, it's just a couple bucks."
"No, no, I couldn't take your money! I'll just put it back."
"C'mon, let me buy it for you Cass."
"No, I'm putting it back."
(I would have just said "Thanks!" and bought the soda.)
Now, this decline of polite-ness and generosity contradicts with a lot of things. The human wants, and goals. The human's goal of survival. It doesn't even have to be somebody that you know, and this polite dance will still happen.
Two people come to an intersection, being both held up by stop signs. They will motion for each other to go for about 7 seconds before someone finally drives off.
I believe that politeness is often a way of showing off, not of love or compassion for a person. Whether being generous and showing off money, or being polite and showing off patience, the polite dance is a competitive game that people play to make them feel better about themselves.
This is one of those games that is healthy for society; However, when I see someone being polite, I only see it when other people are around. To truly judge the character of a person, you must see what they do behind closed doors.
I saw something like that happen at a memorial service...I just stepped in and split the difference...Some times and some people just cannot make a deal...If you have the patience and nothing better to do you can watch people do that nonsense by the hour...
Kind of like Chip and Dale in the cartoons... After you...No! After you...No!!! After you!!! I insist!!! Well, then; Shall we??? By all means, let's shall!!!
@Fido,
quick thought;
Some people dont want to be in debt to their friends.
Friends who are free can quickly become enemies who are costly.
Your mother sounds proud, whether her pride comes form a fall or ascention is hers to know and hers to own.
@sometime sun,
Quote:
I believe that politeness is often a way of showing off, not of love or compassion for a person. Whether being generous and showing off money, or being polite and showing off patience, the polite dance is a competitive game that people play to make them feel better about themselves.
I really don't think so. Being polite is one way that people show respect for each other. Some people do it show off, but you can say that of many things, and they are in the minority. That's a kind of pessimistic view you have.
I think in some cultures it is custom for the person receiving a favor to refuse three times before accepting. Basically, it acknowledges that sometimes people offer help without really wanting to. So it's courteous to give them a chance to back out.
Quote:
This is one of those games that is healthy for society; However, when I see someone being polite, I only see it when other people are around. To truly judge the character of a person, you must see what they do behind closed doors.
People aren't usually polite to trees, yes. I think how polite someone is tells you a lot about them. Surely you've met rude people, and genuinely kind people?
@Jebediah,
Jebediah;116570 wrote:I really don't think so. Being polite is one way that people show respect for each other. Some people do it show off, but you can say that of many things, and they are in the minority. That's a kind of pessimistic view you have.
I think in some cultures it is custom for the person receiving a favor to refuse three times before accepting. Basically, it acknowledges that sometimes people offer help without really wanting to. So it's courteous to give them a chance to back out.
People aren't usually polite to trees, yes. I think how polite someone is tells you a lot about them. Surely you've met rude people, and genuinely kind people?
Mhm, everything you've said is true. I was in a pessimistic place when I created this, because I was thinking of the rude people that can be polite at times.
For example, if I myself had offered my mom the couple dollars, she would have taken it. But with her friends, she wanted to seem more kind and better and richer to her. She spends every day with me, she's no need to show off or act as a good person. I've actually changed my view on the subject since I've created it, but it's true that in a lot of cases, I believe, being polite is a way of showing off.
@Quinn phil,
Quinn;116571 wrote:Mhm, everything you've said is true. I was in a pessimistic place when I created this, because I was thinking of the rude people that can be polite at times.
For example, if I myself had offered my mom the couple dollars, she would have taken it. But with her friends, she wanted to seem more kind and better and richer to her. She spends every day with me, she's no need to show off or act as a good person. I've actually changed my view on the subject since I've created it, but it's true that in a lot of cases, I believe, being polite is a way of showing off.
Being polite is certainly "showing off" your respect for other people, yes. But to say that something is showing off implies that it's selfish ego stroking. I think it would be hard to show off your manners, perhaps you could be overly chivalrous or affected in some way. But usually that ends up not actually being polite.
@Quinn phil,
I have a friend who owns a Chinese Buffet; and I have done a few odd jobs for him and never taken money...But he feeds me well, and most times I would prefer to pay; but I don't want to abuse him, and if he does not pay his debts, which are really no debts to me, because I like the guy, want him to do well, and I don't really need anything from- then he may feel dishonored, as I feel if he does not let me pay... Some times there is some back and forth, and his wife has even followed us to the car if we leave too much as a tip, which is all I can do if he won't let me pay...I'll give in; but I would rather just have him as a friend who knows he can call me if he gets hung up with some problem...I know the guy is struggling some, with the economy...His prices are reasonable which helps a lot of poorer people and old have a meal out once in a while... What do I need??? Not much, but I need an argument even less...
@Quinn phil,
There is plenty of stigma against not being polite, even in absurd situations. Many people are polite out of fear of being percieved as impolite. There are some people who are out there to help others, however, but people fighting over who pays a bill is really doing more harm than good.
@Leonard,
Leonard;116586 wrote:There is plenty of stigma against not being polite, even in absurd situations. Many people are polite out of fear of being percieved as impolite. There are some people who are out there to help others, however, but people fighting over who pays a bill is really doing more harm than good.
Exactly, that's the kind of "polite" I'm talking about. Maybe the "I wanna be polite/generous, so my couscous is clean, and so people can see me as a better, and richer person." Even when being polite to a homeless man, I think it's kind of flaunting your wealth, or maybe your generosity. Don't get me wrong, it's all a good thing, but... When they fight over paying a bill... It's totally un-needed. Damn, split it in half!
@Quinn phil,
Quick question, if I may...
Quinn;116028 wrote:I believe that politeness is often a way of showing off...
On what is this, your belief, based?
@Khethil,
Khethil;116605 wrote:Quick question, if I may...
On what is this, your belief, based?
Mainly experience. Trying to put myself in other people's shoes. Again, I realize now that there are other factors to being polite; However, I still believe that this is one of them.
@Quinn phil,
Quinn;116028 wrote:Today, I witnessed my mom and her best friend conversing over a couple dollars. My mom's friend offered two dollars to help pay for a soda that my mom had wanted, and my mom declined her, saying she would rather put the soda back. This went on for about 10 seconds, literally.
"No, it's okay. I have plenty of money to spare. I don't mind, it's just a couple bucks."
"No, no, I couldn't take your money! I'll just put it back."
"C'mon, let me buy it for you Cass."
"No, I'm putting it back."
(I would have just said "Thanks!" and bought the soda.)
Now, this decline of polite-ness and generosity contradicts with a lot of things. The human wants, and goals. The human's goal of survival. It doesn't even have to be somebody that you know, and this polite dance will still happen.
Two people come to an intersection, being both held up by stop signs. They will motion for each other to go for about 7 seconds before someone finally drives off.
I believe that politeness is often a way of showing off, not of love or compassion for a person. Whether being generous and showing off money, or being polite and showing off patience, the polite dance is a competitive game that people play to make them feel better about themselves.
This is one of those games that is healthy for society; However, when I see someone being polite, I only see it when other people are around. To truly judge the character of a person, you must see what they do behind closed doors.
Pride and selfrespect is good to a certain degree, it can take overhand to the degree of absurdity, where the person/s will rather choose death over disgrace and dishonor.
I belive it's there to naturally enforce the group think values such as ethics, morales and laws.
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