Hooking Up

@Elmud,

Yeah, and video games and baggy pants! Damn kids!

@Theages,

The broarder social dynamic's changed

Sink or swim

@gone,

Courtship perished along with concern for the other person involved in "hooking up".

Welcome to the culture of egotism and narcissism.

1 Reply

@Didymos Thomas,

Didymos Thomas;71829 wrote:

Courtship perished along with concern for the other person involved in "hooking up".

Welcome to the culture of egotism and narcissism.

Naw. It didn't perish. Just on stand by for awhile.

1 Reply

@Elmud,

Elmud;71831 wrote:

Naw. It didn't perish. Just on stand by for awhile.

High aspirations there...will it make a comeback like the 70s?

:whoa-dude:

0 Replies

@Elmud,

Elmud, do you remember when we were children. "Hooking up" was a phrase that was use when two dogs hooked up in the mating ritural and the solution was to "throw some water" on them to shock the hell out of them. I think that situation applies here.

William

1 Reply

@William,

William;71840 wrote:

Elmud, do you remember when we were children. "Hooking up" was a phrase that was use when two dogs hooked up in the mating ritural and the solution was to "throw some water" on them to shock the hell out of them. I think that situation applies here.

William

Well, i do remember that but, i was not really applying that situation to the phrase. I think thats a bit vulgar. I just think that something that is one of the most precious and valuable things that exists, is cheapened by the phrase. Thats all.

1 Reply

@Elmud,

Oh, no worries, Elmud -- One can court someone they're hooking up with. It's easy, I do it all the time.

Want the details?

1 Reply

@Zetherin,

Zetherin;71849 wrote:

Oh, no worries, Elmud -- One can court someone they're hooking up with. It's easy, I do it all the time.

Want the details?

I am glad you have the opportunity to do it all the time Zeth. I tried it once, didn't work. I find that the word courting and the words hooking up to have two different meanings. But, thats just my perspective. Just a respect kind of thing.

1 Reply

@Elmud,

Elmud;71848 wrote:

Well, i do remember that but, i was not really applying that situation to the phrase. I think thats a bit vulgar. I just think that something that is one of the most precious and valuable things that exists, is cheapened by the phrase. Thats all.

Yes, Elmud it is a "bit vulgar". It is sad that I can even make that comparison. If you would please give me another comparison that is less vulgar, and I will adopt it. Considering the repercussions of "hooking up" and the Std's that are now in the world, perhaps you can help me here and justify the mentality that urges us to "hook up".

Thank you,
William

1 Reply

@William,

William;71891 wrote:

Yes, Elmud it is a "bit vulgar". It is sad that I can even make that comparison. If you would please give me another comparison that is less vulgar, and I will adopt it. Considering the repercussions of "hooking up" and the Std's that are now in the world, perhaps you can help me here and justify the mentality that urges us to "hook up".

Thank you,
William

I don't know. Perhaps I have watched too many old movies like Meet me in St. Louis with Judy garland.

0 Replies

@Elmud,

Elmud;71883 wrote:

I am glad you have the opportunity to do it all the time Zeth. I tried it once, didn't work. I find that the word courting and the words hooking up to have two different meanings. But, thats just my perspective. Just a respect kind of thing.

But you have to realize that many females of my generation are fine with the term "hooking up". They don't feel disrespected. If one did feel disrespected, I'd be more than happy to not mutter such words to said person.

"Dating", where I'm from, is a combination of "courting" and "hooking up". You court her while you take her out for a fine meal while enjoying her company, and then hook up with her when you get back. Many people, at least my age, would call this dating.

But if you mean that your generation was more conservative, that's a possibility.

0 Replies

@Elmud,

Elmud;70974 wrote:

Whatever happened to a thing called courtship? Does that not exist anymore? Hooking up. Just doesn't sound right to me.

There was just a long feature about this on NPR in which they interviewed a sociologist who has studied this.

Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships : NPR

There were a few things I found very interesting about it:

First, many people (including women) feel they are emotionally ready to "hook up" long before they're emotionally ready to be personally intimate. And this makes perfect sense -- they reveal more, they make themselves more vulnerable, and they set themselves up for crises and disappointment more with personal intimacy.

Second, people are marrying later and later and later. The average age is something like 28 now, compared with 22 or 23 a couple generations ago. This is in large part because of the length of education. And people have decided that waiting until they're married (or at least having their marriage-anticipatory long term relationships) is way too far into their adulthood to start being sexual.

And I've seen it both ways -- I have no moral problem with the concept, I mean people can do what they want as long as a good faith effort is put forth to avoid hurting people (physically or emotionally). I had a stretch for a few years in my mid-20s when I wanted deep within myself to get married, but I enjoyed hooking up a whole lot more than the dating-dumping-dating-dumping cycle. I wouldn't go back to it, but at the time it was right, it worked, it filled the relationship needs I had, and it wasn't only physical -- there was fun and sharing in the physicality even though there wasn't a whole lot of other substance to the relationships.

1 Reply

@Aedes,

Aedes;71920 wrote:

There was just a long feature about this on NPR in which they interviewed a sociologist who has studied this.

Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships : NPR

There were a few things I found very interesting about it:

First, many people (including women) feel they are emotionally ready to "hook up" long before they're emotionally ready to be personally intimate. And this makes perfect sense -- they reveal more, they make themselves more vulnerable, and they set themselves up for crises and disappointment more with personal intimacy.

Second, people are marrying later and later and later. The average age is something like 28 now, compared with 22 or 23 a couple generations ago. This is in large part because of the length of education. And people have decided that waiting until they're married (or at least having their marriage-anticipatory long term relationships) is way too far into their adulthood to start being sexual.

And I've seen it both ways -- I have no moral problem with the concept, I mean people can do what they want as long as a good faith effort is put forth to avoid hurting people (physically or emotionally). I had a stretch for a few years in my mid-20s when I wanted deep within myself to get married, but I enjoyed hooking up a whole lot more than the dating-dumping-dating-dumping cycle. I wouldn't go back to it, but at the time it was right, it worked, it filled the relationship needs I had, and it wasn't only physical -- there was fun and sharing in the physicality even though there wasn't a whole lot of other substance to the relationships.

Substance is a good word.

0 Replies

@Elmud,

Elmud;70974 wrote:

Short thread here. I cannot stand this phrase. Whatever happened to a thing called courtship? Does that not exist anymore? Hooking up. Just doesn't sound right to me.

Hi Elmud.
Isn't 'courtship', after all, a dishonesty? A "this is me (but on my 'best' behavior), come buy it", when it really isn't 'me'? Generally for the purpose of, ultimately, 'hooking up'? What a horror having to 'get married' (and all it entails) just to have some sex? All the dishonesty and gameplaying involved? Perhaps food for another thread?
Some years ago, one of my kids came home from school with a spelling correction on his paper (back when they weren't too lazy to correct spelling resulting in what one often sees here...). He wrote 'socks', in reference to those foot snoods worn under the shoes, and the teacher 'corrected' him that the current spelling is "sox"! Next day, of course, i was in school asking for an explanation. She hauled out a new dictionary and, lo and behold, did I learn a great lesson. Both spellings were correct!
Language is a 'living' morphing evolving creature, and if we 'attach' to the comfort of what we learned and comfortably have used year after year, eventually, we either (uncomfortably) accept (relinquish our attachments) the changes, or ossify (petrify).
I vainly looked down my nose at the advertising community defining our language with trite sound-bytes and cute bumperstickerish phrases, but it is all part of the beast.
Hence the meaning of Oliver Wendel Holmes's;
"A word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanged; it is the skin of a living thought and may vary greatly in color and content according to the circumstances and time in which it is used."

Times change, always uncomfortable, but often a 'positive' (evolutionary) thing results.
I understand what you are saying here, and I hear my own voice, but, if we don't, like the willow, bend with the weight, we will, like the mighty oak, break under it!
Peace

1 Reply

@nameless,

nameless;71978 wrote:

Hi Elmud.
Isn't 'courtship', after all, a dishonesty?

At seventeen, it did not seem dishonest to me. No, no dishonesty at all. Was a natural thing. There wasn't a thought about sex. there really wasn't. Holding hands, maybe a kiss at the end of the night. No, there were no ulterior motives there. Wasn't enough for her I suppose, but, i kind of liked courting .

2 Replies

@Elmud,

Elmud;71989 wrote:

At seventeen, it did not seem dishonest to me. No, no dishonesty at all. Was a natural thing. There wasn't a thought about sex. there really wasn't. Holding hands, maybe a kiss at the end of the night. No, there were no ulterior motives there. Wasn't enough for her I suppose, but, i kind of liked courting .

hi elmud-
i think this is one of the things that has changed because of the changing roles of males and females over time. i dont believe it was due to the feminist movement, which i lived through and observed, but due to the fact that during world war two women were left at home to run the country-that is when they went out into the work place and found that they could manage a lot more than they realized, and became unsatisfied with their lot. they didnt want to go back to the kitchen when the men came back from battle (those that did and could still work).

the problem with the practice of courtship, which i also remember-how many books did i read about it so i would know what it was all about!-is that it was something that the male did to the female-leaving her in a position to passively either accept or reject his advances. she doesnt want this any more, and actually that is a good thing for everybody as i see it. since it is no longer the case that the man works and has money while the woman doesnt, it is no longer sensible for him to pay for dinner, the movie tickets, or whatever it is people do these days. the man does not have to feel he must 'perform' some courtship ritual so that he wins out over other 'suitors' and gets a prize. today it is more of a composite decision who will become a couple and when and for what purpose or pleasure.

it was too one-sided in the old days;the man had all the power and all the responsibility for initiating contact-women had to wait until they were asked to dance. today either one may ask and either one may accept or refuse and i think it must cause a lot less anxiety than it did in my day when there was a script to learn and rules not to break.

and aedes i know what you mean about the current generation, only one of my son's friends has a permanent lady, whom he may or may not have married, and they are in the 30 year old range. i think they are still trying to make up their minds what they want to do with the world we left them-we
wanted them to be free to choose their own way, and they are taking their time in making the decision. at least that is what i see as a possibility for the reason for their apparent hesitation to leave home, get married, or choose any goals. they cant do any worse than we did.

0 Replies

@Elmud,

Elmud;71989 wrote:

At seventeen, it did not seem dishonest to me. No, no dishonesty at all. Was a natural thing. There wasn't a thought about sex. there really wasn't. Holding hands, maybe a kiss at the end of the night. No, there were no ulterior motives there. Wasn't enough for her I suppose, but, i kind of liked courting .

Perhaps i was a bit more jaded, seeing what was going on in the 'roaring 60s'..
I have observed 'courtship rituals' in some different cultures, and that that they seem to add a great deal of 'depth' to life, a 'richness', if honestly performed/pursued. What a wonderful set of memories for those who remain together for extended periods of time!
I am quite 'ritually' challenged (no rituals in my life), but I can empathically enjoy the feelings and emotions of those who practice them.
When an old 'richness' disappears, it seems that there is new richness in life to be yet discovered/uncovered. Perhaps it is the loss of one form of beauty, such as a 'human mating dance', that allows us to enjoy other beauties, new dances?
Sweet!
*__-

1 Reply

@Elmud,

I see no problem with what Consenting Adults want to get up too. It's not for us to make a judgement whether it is degrading, as for a type of behaviour to be degrading someone has to feel degraded by it, you may feel they are degrading themselves but if they still hold themselves in high self esteem it would be wrong to say they are degrading themselves. If people wish to engage in it and take the proper precautions. I see no grounds on why anyone should take a negative view of it. There's something positive to be said of both courtship and hooking up.

1 Reply

Hooking Up

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know