Three Men

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Came into the store last night.

No, they were not a priest, a rabbi and a hippie and this is not the set up for a joke.

The first stood about 5'6" inches, was chubby and was drenched in a powerful, sickeningly sweet perfume. His shirt was designed to be worn open: it had no buttons. It plunged to the waist, exposing his chest and tummy. I wondered whether it was off the rack or tailor made. He bought something that cost $14.18 and paid for it with quarters, which he counted and stacked in piles of four while his scent dizzyingly waved over me.

Later, a man I have seen before came in. He is also about 5'6" and is heavily tatooed. I've never seen him in a shirt, just a leather vest. He always smells, but not of perfume. In fact, his scent remained in the air for the rest of the evening. He is very fit. He is a Gulf War veteran, still trying to cope with having killed humans. His son, who looks to be 30 and is a sculptor, is generally a customer of the other branch of the business.

Last night, this man was chatty. He spoke of his work with rescuing abused animals. The stories of horses and dogs that were hurt by human anger were horrific. He then brought in two little dogs that he identified as chihuahuas that he claimed to have rescued off a floating door in the flood following Katrina when he lived in New Orleans. The little dogs were obviously affectionate toward the man and launched into their tricks.

The appearance of the third man was unremarkable. He was about my age and I could not tell you how he was dressed, other than his shirt was a light colored print and that his hair seemed brushed up in front. He bought a growler. I told him the price as I always do because the shelf tag does not include deposit or the relatively new sales tax.

He sighed. Then he said, "Do you know what two things this state ought to do?" I was expecting a suggestion for budget cutting, a usual follow up to a statement like that but before I could say what, he said, "Shoot the governor and then shoot the legislature."

I made no eye contact but gave him his change as he muttered about the ridiculous price of his beer.

What had he hoped to accomplish? Was he serious? Well, yes, I suspect he was. Was he seeking agreement?

While the other two men were stranger than many of the customers, including a very damaged Vietnam veteran who was less stable last night than usual, the final man frightened me. I would not have said a word to him . . . ever.

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@plainoldme,

Where do you work? A convenience store?
You were so wise to say nothing to the last guy who has killing on his mind. However, anyone can snap at any time, if put in the wrong frame of mind.
You sure see some dilly's. Neutral

Do you know any priest, rabbi and hippie jokes Question

1 Reply

@Philis,

I work at a liquor store.

I stopped making eye contact with the last man immediately. I don't know whether he had already been drinking or not but I did not want to know. I also didn't want to keep him there under any circumstances.

Actually, my son used to bring home priest, rabbi and hippie jokes when he was in high school. Apparently, at that time, hippies had become folk archetypes! I don't remember his jokes . . . fortunately!

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People watching is so facinating. You are in an even deeper level. That liquor store setting is one which draws a variety of characters, for sure.

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@sullyfish6,

It really does. There are a few hard core alcoholics . . . including an elderly woman who did not have her blouse buttoned yesterday . . . there are people who are interested in wine and will look through racks for an hour or so, just trying to find something interesting or to compare prices. There is a nervous woman who may be slightly retarded and who has some slight physical disabilities, who purchases beer for her husband and is always nervous about how it is packaged.

1 Reply

@plainoldme,

You can really get insights into peoples lives working convenience and liquor. Some very sad. Like the woman who has to buy beer for her husband.........you wonder-does her husband make her, is he lazy? does he want to hide himself due to the amount of beer he consumes?

1 Reply

@Philis,

Philis wrote:

Like the woman who has to buy beer for her husband.........you wonder-does her husband make her, is he lazy? does he want to hide himself due to the amount of beer he consumes?

Or she could just be the BEST WIFE EVER!

1 Reply

In my mind, the following Denizens of A2K are portrayed by these personalities

A2K Cast of Characters Symbolic Representation:

Bear: Michael Gross
Squinney: Jamie Lee Curtis
Chai2: Julia Duffy
Osso: Angela Lansbury
Plain: Phyllis Diller

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@OmSigDAVID,

Michael Gross is way too gay to be Bear...

since we're playing this game, I see you as Charley Heston, dave...

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I'd never heard of "a priest, a rabbi, and a hippie" jokes, so being an aging one, I googled it. Google's auto-complete thingy offered me "A priest, a rabbi and a duck..", "A priest, a rabbi and a shaman..", "A priest, a rabbi and a whale..." "A priest, a rabbi and an atheist..." and "A priest, a nun and their son...". The only "A priest, a rabbi and a hippie..." link was a bust, so I still have no idea what they were, and I still would like to know.

Actually I like "A termite walks into a pub and asks, 'Is the bartender here?'"

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@Rockhead,

Rockhead wrote:

Michael Gross is way too gay to be Bear...

This is the first that I have heard of that allegation. I do not attribute that to Bear.

Rockhead wrote:

since we're playing this game, I see you as Charley Heston, dave...

U r too kind, Rocky.

David

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Funny, I see David as Mr. Spock, but without Spock's sense of humor.

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@Rockhead,

Its not ez to prove a negative,
but this is some evidence bearing upon that point from Wikipedia, qua Michael Gross:

Personal life
Gross has been married to casting director Elza Bergeron
since June 2, 1984, and they have two children.

Gross is a passionate railfan with an extensive collection of railroad antiques. He is an amateur railroad historian, photographer, modeller, and part-owner in a working railroad, the Santa Fe Southern Railway, a former branch line of the Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railway which operates between Lamy and Santa Fe, New Mexico.[3] He is also the spokesman for the World's Greatest Hobby campaign sponsored by the Model Railroad Industry Association that promotes the hobby of model railroading. He has also been a spokesperson for Operation Lifesaver, a campaign promoting safety at railroad grade crossings.[4] Beginning in 2009, Gross is the "celebrity spokesman" for the B&O Railroad Museum in Baltimore, Maryland.[5]

Coincidentally, Gross and his Family Ties co-star Meredith Baxter (who played his wife Elyse Keaton),
were born on the same date, June 21, 1947.

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@MontereyJack,

MontereyJack wrote:

Funny, I see David as Mr. Spock, but without Spock's sense of humor.

Thank u, Jack.

David

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@OmSigDAVID,

David, Michael Gross is too uptight and urbane-acting to play Bipolar Bear. Michael Gross always plays the slightly OCD acting rich guy with an evil secret in his tv movies and on Law and Order. Apparently Bipolar Bear is a free-spirited, head-banging rocker. Michael Gross?! No.

I also don't see Osso as Angela Lansbury. Angela Lansbury isn't quirky enough to play Osso. Angela Lansbury's thinking and method of communication are too linear and practical and Osso's is more free-ranging and creative.

Chai reminds me Kathy Bates (that's a compliment) - very straightforward and she- Kathy Bates- even does a good Texas accent.

And POM is much more intellectual (at least as she writes) than Phyllis Diller.

I don't know any priest, rabbi, or hippie jokes either - but I met a hippie who told me a funny priest joke this week-end.

This guy was handsome - beautiful teeth and smile and he was wearing cargo shorts and flip-flops - longish, thick chestnut color hair.
I was talking to my friend Pia and he heard my American accent, asked, 'Are you American or Canadian?' and when I answered, 'American' he sat down next to me and proceeded to tell me (in a thickly slurred voice- he was very drunk) that he'd lived in a van in Hawaii for a while doing nothing but beachcombing and surfing.
I said, 'That sounds like a pretty nice life...' He said, 'You think so? Most people think it's irresponsible - me being a vagrant and all.' I said, 'Well, I wouldn't mind living in a van on a beach in Hawaii - I wouldn't even call it being a vagrant.' He said, 'Well, I was a vagrant - in fact, I'm still a vagrant - but I'm a very well-mannered and educated vagrant.'
Then he told me this joke:
Question: 'What did the priest call the new low-calorie communion wafers?'
Answer: 'I can't believe they're not Jesus'.

If he was a vagrant, he was a very handsome and funny vagrant- although sad to say with a pretty obvious drinking problem.

3 Replies

@aidan,

aidan wrote:

David, Michael Gross is too uptight and urbane-acting to play Bipolar Bear. Michael Gross always plays the slightly OCD acting rich guy with an evil secret in his tv movies and on Law and Order.

Not in his role on Family Ties.

aidan wrote:

Apparently Bipolar Bear is a free-spirited, head-banging rocker. Michael Gross?! No.

He played the head of a public TV studio.

aidan wrote:

I also don't see Osso as Angela Lansbury. Angela Lansbury isn't quirky enough to play Osso. Angela Lansbury's thinking and method of communication are too linear and practical and Osso's is more free-ranging and creative.

I think Osso is or was an architect.
Thay can be linear n practical.

aidan wrote:

Chai reminds me Kathy Bates (that's a compliment) - very straightforward and she- Kathy Bates-
even does a good Texas accent.

Chai sounds like Julia Duffy.

aidan wrote:

And POM is much more intellectual (at least as she writes) than Phyllis Diller.

I think she just memorized some fanatical leftist propaganda.

aidan wrote:

I don't know any priest, rabbi, or hippie jokes either - but I met a hippie who told me a funny priest joke this week-end.

This guy was handsome - beautiful teeth and smile and he was wearing cargo shorts and flip-flops - longish, thick chestnut color hair.
I was talking to my friend Pia and he heard my American accent, asked, 'Are you American or Canadian?' and when I answered, 'American' he sat down next to me and proceeded to tell me (in a thickly slurred voice- he was very drunk) that he'd lived in a van in Hawaii for a while doing nothing but beachcombing and surfing.
I said, 'That sounds like a pretty nice life...' He said, 'You think so? Most people think it's irresponsible - me being a vagrant and all.' I said, 'Well, I wouldn't mind living in a van on a beach in Hawaii - I wouldn't even call it being a vagrant.' He said, 'Well, I was a vagrant - in fact, I'm still a vagrant - but I'm a very well-mannered and educated vagrant.'
Then he told me this joke:
Question: 'What did the priest call the new low-calorie communion wafers?'
Answer: 'I can't believe they're not Jesus'.

If he was a vagrant, he was a very handsome and funny vagrant- although sad to say with a pretty obvious drinking problem.

I guess he has enuf time for it.

David

2 Replies

@OmSigDAVID,

Quote:

Not in his role on Family Ties.

Yeah, but even on that show he was suburban. I think he even drove a Volvo station wagon in that show.

Quote:

I think Osso is or was an architect.
Thay can be linear n practical.

Yeah, but Angela Lansbury is like your all-business, practical, problem-solving icon...she seems nice and everything, but not very much fun. Osso seems to communicate more of a sense of wonder and discovery as opposed to facts...I don't know - I guess I just think of Angela Lansbury as Jessica from Murder she wrote. I know she played a pretty evil character in the Manchurian Candidate. Maybe I should watch that again to be reminded that there can be other facets of her.

Quote:

Chai sounds like Julia Duffy.

I don't know who Julia Duffy is - or wait - is she the wife from that Bob Newhart show where he played the innkeeper in Vermont- I didn't watch it very often- but I remember there was some blonde lady who was on a lot of stuff in the eighties - I don't remember how she sounded though.

Quote:

I guess he has enuf time for it.

Yeah for that and for good oral hygeine. He has beautiful teeth.

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Julia Duffy wasn't Newhart's wife but the spoiled rich girl flibbertigibet.

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@aidan,

Great story, Aidan.. I wish that guy well.

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@OmSigDAVID,

aidan wrote:

I also don't see Osso as Angela Lansbury. Angela Lansbury isn't quirky enough to play Osso. Angela Lansbury's thinking and method of communication are too linear and practical and Osso's is more free-ranging and creative.

OmSigDAVID wrote:

I think Osso is or was an architect.
Thay can be linear n practical.

I was a landscape architect, which is a field of many endeavors, most of them having to do with urban planning, site planning, or garden planning. It's a mix of technical knowledge and creative play..
before all that I was a research and clinical lab tech, not too bad at it, but bored - I liked the design field much better: I had much more control of projects and there was much more play involved in the work.

So, I have a linear and practical side, but I tend to avoid it at nearly all costs.

aidan wrote:

Chai reminds me Kathy Bates (that's a compliment) - very straightforward and she- Kathy Bates-
even does a good Texas accent.

That's very funny, I never would have thought of it.

0 Replies

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