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Stunning news: US flag withdrawn: "After Causing 143 Million Deaths"

 
 
dlowan
 
Reply Thu 15 Apr, 2010 04:42 am
[quote]NEWS
U.S. Flag Recalled After Causing 143 Million Deaths
APRIL 13, 2010


Flags affected by the recall range from halftime-show extravaganza models to the smallest lapel pins.

WASHINGTON"Citing a series of fatal malfunctions dating back to 1777, flag manufacturer Annin & Company announced Monday that it would be recalling all makes and models of its popular American flag from both foreign and domestic markets.

Representatives from the nation's leading flag producer claimed that as many as 143 million deaths in the past two centuries can be attributed directly to the faulty U.S. models, which have been utilized extensively since the 18th century in sectors as diverse as government, the military, and public education.

"It has come to our attention that, due to the inherent risks and hazards it poses, the American flag is simply unfit for general use," said Annin & Company president Ronald Burman, who confirmed that the number of flag-related deaths had noticeably spiked since 2003. "I would like to strongly urge all U.S. citizens: If you have an American flag hanging in your home or place of business, please discontinue using it immediately.....

,,,,,Millions of U.S. flag"related injuries and fatalities have been reported over a 230-year period in locations as far flung as Europe, Cuba, Korea, Gettysburg, PA, the Philippines, and Iraq. In addition, the company found that U.S. flag exports to Vietnam during the late 1960s and early 1970s resulted in hundreds of thousands of deaths, a clear sign that there was something seriously wrong with its product.......

...Despite fears about the flag's safety"especially when improperly used or manipulated in ways not originally intended"sales continued unabated over the years, potentially putting billions of unsuspecting people in danger....

.....We'll try to make adjustments soon and come up with something that benefits everybody rather than hurting them."

Added Burman, "In the interim, I would recommend that all Americans switch to the Canadian flag, which seems to be working just fine."
"[/quote]



Full article here: http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-flag-recalled-after-causing-143-million-deaths,17248/




I think the Australian flag has caused its fair share of horrors and we should follow suit immediately...I mean Gallipoli alone was proof! Although, I suppose there is some argument that it is the little Union Jack in the corner that is causing the problem?

What about you? Do you think your country's flag needs to be withdrawn?








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Type: Discussion • Score: 4 • Views: 4,865 • Replies: 12
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dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Apr, 2010 04:45 am
Perhaps redrawn rather than withdrawn.

I suspect you are gonna cop some flack
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Apr, 2010 04:50 am
Flags don't kill people. People kill people. They will have to pry my flag out of my cold dead hands, if they want mine back. I have flown it on the front of my house for years, with no injuries whatever.
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Apr, 2010 04:51 am
Razz
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Apr, 2010 06:00 am
@dadpad,
Lol! perhaps.
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Apr, 2010 06:05 am


While digesting Reader's Digest
In the back of a dirty book store,
A plastic flag, with gum on the back,
Fell out on the floor.
Well, I picked it up and I ran outside
Slapped it on my window shield,
And if I could see old Betsy Ross
I'd tell her how good I feel.

But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
They're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.
Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.

Well, I went to the bank this morning
And the cashier he said to me,
"If you join the Christmas club
We'll give you ten of them flags for free."
Well, I didn't mess around a bit
I took him up on what he said.
And I stuck them stickers all over my car
And one on my wife's forehead.

But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
They're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.
Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.

Well, I got my window shield so filled
With flags I couldn't see.
So, I ran the car upside a curb
And right into a tree.
By the time they got a doctor down
I was already dead.
And I'll never understand why the man
Standing in the Pearly Gates said...

But your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
We're already overcrowded
From your dirty little war.
Now Jesus don't like killin'
No matter what the reason's for,
And your flag decal won't get you
Into Heaven any more.
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Apr, 2010 06:11 am
@dlowan,
dlowan wrote:

Lol! perhaps.



It'll be funny if I do. I imagine a few knee-jerkers are going to break their own noses on this one.
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Apr, 2010 06:12 am
@djjd62,
Aw.....you're kidding?
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jun, 2010 02:57 am
Pfft, Ghengis Khan killed more than 35million people, all by himself. And he was just using his horse (err I mean, riding...wait...no), and sword. And he may have taken a few with his lance too...

Poor horse.
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jun, 2010 08:05 am
@vikorr,
Did he have a flag?
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jun, 2010 08:24 pm
@dlowan,
Maybe one that he used to shine his boots with - I don't really know. Maybe their moustaches were their flags - who could miss those?
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jun, 2010 09:10 pm
@vikorr,
vikorr wrote:

Maybe one that he used to shine his boots with - I don't really know. Maybe their moustaches were their flags - who could miss those?


I think they had battle pennants.

Those bastards! They killed Europe!
0 Replies
 
JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2012 07:37 am
@edgarblythe,
Quote:
Flags don't kill people. People kill people.


It's all those dirty little pieces of cloth that have incited the rank stupidity within large numbers of people to kill others, Ed.

You should take it down, use it as a doormat, or a rag to wash your car or cut it into strips to make a toilet bowl cleaner.
0 Replies
 
 

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