MST3k Lovers Assembly

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I don't think Martha Stewart needs any more air time....

Meet Roy, elementary school student. Some children learn with more ease than others. Every child learns with more ease than Roy. He wants nothing from life except to be left alone: shy, silent, whittling off pieces of his desk in hopes that he’ll eventually find one that tastes good.

But his ill-tempered, hatchet-faced teacher (we’ll call her “Howard”) will have none of that. She goes out of her way to make an example of his dimness in front of the class, in order to teach valuable lessons to the other kids. These lessons primarily consist of new and exciting ways to make fun of Roy. She especially likes comparing him to his golden-boy older brother, George. Oh, you know George? Yeah, he is great, isn’t he! Just so smart, and strong, but still humble and decent...sorry, got lost in a “George” moment. It’s hard not to when he’s so much better than Roy. Roy really is the turd in the punchbowl of that family. You have to wonder what happened in the gene pool there...I mean, uh, being different is cool!

Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill as they ponder the horrors of Individual Differences! And don’t forget a bag of rotten fruit to throw at Roy’s piano recital!

Reading: for now, it is the only way to experience the approximately four remaining books that have not been made into movies (three, after this summer's CGI heavy adaptation of Frog & Toad are Friends. Sam Worthington will play both title roles.)

So you'd better be sure that your Basic Reading Skills are not lacking! How can you be sure? We've prepared a simple test. Just identify the subject of the following sentence: "Totally grape ape, should our snorkel rubadub the two step, moon for sure." Ready? The answer was: Chester A. Arthur.

First of all, if you got that wrong, SHAME ON YOU. But there is hope (amidst the SHAME!) The hope comes in the form of Reading Growth: Basic Skills which provides several helpful strategies for mastering reading, most of which make about as much sense as our example. Also, there is a frog, but it's not played by Sam Worthington. He is, however, much more successful at masking his Australian accent.

Mike, Kevin and Bill identify the subject of this sentence as hilarity! And then feel deep SHAME because it turns out it was actually Chester A. Arthur again...