Starbucks Joi De Insidious Global Corporate Empire Vivre!

Joi De Insidious Global Corporate Empire Vivre!
Mark Morford 9/26/03

Starbucks said it plans to open its first retail location in France early next year, hoping to find its place in a country known for corner bistros and cafes and hoping no one hurls small piles of slug feces into the faces of slime-ass Starbucks executives as they walk down the street for being such ruthless cancer-like corporate brand whores.

"It is with the utmost respect and admiration for the cafe society in France that we announce our entry into the market," Starbucks chairman and noted toenail fetishist Howard Schultz said in a statement, before being pelted with small stones and stale baguettes and karmic fireballs of sighing disgust and ennui.

"Historically, French cafes have served as the 'third place' to authors, philosophers and artists," he said, adding that he believed Starbucks "will fit well into the French cafe tradition," and that "yes I know I'm going straight to hell for invading every goddamn nook and corner of the globe with my insidious little oversaturated lifestyle brand, especially in cool international places where it's not in the slightest bit wanted or needed or asked for or cared about and in fact will only serve to annoy the living hell out of the locals and subtly embarrass thoughtful Americans who care about such things," he did not add. "But you know, screw you."

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2003/09/25/financial0927EDT0039.DTL&nl=fix