YER JUST STOOPID AND I BET YER A CATHLIC!
First you get down on your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, yeah!
Do whatever steps you want, if
You have cleared them with the Pontiff.
Everybody say his own
Kyrie eleison,
Doin' the Vatican Rag.
Get in line in that processional,
Step into that small confessional,
There, the guy who's got religion'll
Tell you if your sin's original.
If it is, try playin' it safer,
Drink the wine and chew the wafer,
Two, four, six, eight,
Time to transubstantiate!
So get down upon your knees,
Fiddle with your rosaries,
Bow your head with great respect,
And genuflect, genuflect, yeah!
Make a cross on your abdomen,
When in Rome do like a Roman,
Ave Maria,
Gee it's good to see ya,
Gettin' ecstatic an'
Sorta dramatic an'
Doin' the Vatican Rag!
-- Thom Lehrer
There's this Catholic boy livin' in a little village in County Antrim, and the family's awfully poor, so he writes a letter to God . . .
Dear God
We are very poor and me mither has a hard time feedin us an all, so i was wonderin if you could help us out wit ten pound.
Tanks very much
Yer boy, Patrick Francis Magilacudy
Well, he's not all that bright, and he puts the letter in the slot at the post office without a stamp. One of the boys there opens it and reads it, and although he finds it hilarious, still, he thinks it would do no harm to help the poor devils out. So he takes the letter around to the Orange Lodge, and urges his fellow members to contribute. They're not exactly thrilled with the idea, Magilacudy being a Paddy and all, but everyone throws in a bob or two, and the postal worker makes up the difference, and they send him a letter from the Orange Lodge with a five pound note in it.
The next week, the postal worker sees another letter from Paddy, with no stamp, so he opens it and reads:
Dear God
Tanks very much for the five pounds, and sure it came in handy. But next time, Your Honor, please don't send by the Orange Lodge, the bloody thieves did us out of five pounds.
Sister Margaret Immaculata and Sister Bernadette Enigma were both regretting their vows a little one evening, so they decide to sneak out of the convent. They wait for dark, and then they flit across the lawn, as quiet as mice. Then they scale the wall, drop to the ditch beside the road, and hurry off toward the town.
Sister Margaret Immaculata says:
Oooo, Sister, this is so exciting . . . i feel like a bloody great paratrooper!
Well, Sister, and so do i . . . but where are we goin' to find one?
This Paddy and this Prod are both sneakin' 'round Belfast one night, each with a pistol in his hand, and they round a corner at the same time, whip out their guns, and shoot each other dead on the spot.
They're translated to the Pearly Gates, where Peter is less than enthused to welcome them . . .
You know, i've just about had with you Irishmen blasting one another to Kingdom Come, and then showing up here expecting to be admitted, no questions asked. Well, that changes today. You don't get in unless and until you display at least a modicum of comprehension of the religion you profess. Have a seat over there.
So they both sit down, and St. Peter calls the Prod up, and says:
Well, now, my devout Christian, explain to me the mystery of Easter.
Well, being a Prod and all, of course he doesn't have a clue, so ZAP ! ! ! . . . in a cloud of foul-smelling brimstone, he's whisked straight to Hell.
So St. Peter calls the Paddy up and puts the same question to him . . . he's seen what happened to the Prod, and he's sweating bullets now . . .
Well now . . . t'ey took our Lord Jaysus Christ, an' t'ey hung 'im on a cross, and t'en t'ey took him down, and laid him in t'e tomb . . .
Yes, Paddy, go on . . .
An' t'en . . . an t'en . . . he went straight to Hell, and after t'ree days, he arose again from t'e dead . . .
Yes . . . go on Paddy, the mystery of Easter?
An' . . . an' . . . an' t'en . . . now correct me if i'm wrong, but if he sees his shadow . . .
I am starting to feel evil myself. One of my great-grandfathers had a brother who became a Roman Catholic bishop in Germany during the 1800's. This bishop is the only one of my ancestors who died wealthy. He left a college scholarship fund for all male descendants who agreed to study for the priesthood. I admit I was tempted, but I did not take up on this offer.
@Green Witch,
well WELL the CATHOLIC SCHOOL GEZZZZZZZZ who gives a crap about writeing when you can see and understand like i sead you can point out the floors in the spelling NOW LOOK WITH YOUR EYES AND HART catholic preastes have malested school kids the bishops have been caught takeing part in satanic rituals thay use images of heven and christ read your bible do not worship images of gods any boath in heven or on earth and what do thay do hay can you see thay pray to mary not god or through jesus oh god help them fake people tricking christians to follow the catholic chirch the pope weres satan are u a joke he is a fake he has a bullet proof case to protect him one fake person well fake people ............cant you see read and look for your self you will see dont be fooled thay need money thay get it from followers........ you can give a million dollers for all to see yet i can give 1doller in secret and i will be more than you onely in gods eyes LOL SO KEEP ON GOING THE CATHOLIC CHIRCH IS THE ONE DONT READ THE BIBLE THE BIBLE IS NOT REAL DONT TALK THROUGH JESUS TO GOD DO WHAT THY WILT SHALL BE THE LAW AND THE WHOLE OF THE LAW THAY ARE AS GODS SO FOLLOW THEM THAY HAVE MONEY THAY HAVE RAPED THAY HAVE KILLED THAY HAVE WORSHIPED FAKE IMAGES OF GOD AND GODS OH CARVED IMAGES TO BUT THAY ARE RIGHT POINT OUT MY FLOORS BUT DONT POINT OUT THE FLOORS OF THE CATHOLIC CHIRCH BEACUSE THAY ARE THE ONE
i dont care if my spelling is not to good i dont care i cant still poast a topic and you all can reply as you have done and i can read and resurch what i am going to follow my mother was christian greek orthodox well she can see it is not the way just beacuse her mother was orthodox it dident meen it was right
you go to the orthodox chirch and kiss imagess of saints and godly like figures carved images of jesus and saints did she read her bible oh yes she did and you cant do as a chirch like the catholic one or orthodox IT IS EVIL YES IT IS i worship the father of jesus christ through jesus name no carved image or man made picture only god jesus and holy spirit no more no less
PLEASE RESURCH READ BIBLE LISTEN TO YOUR SPIRIT AND ASK JESUS TO SHOW YOU THE TRUETH NOT A MAN JUST GOD oh then who is your god the pope rosery beads a painting a carved image.....................mary............or do you need to see a god or a pinting what is it .....................the bible WHO ARE YOU TO ASK FOR PROOF OF ME GOD WHO ARE YOU FOR ME TO PROOVE MY SELF WHO ARE YOU FOR ME TO SHOW MY SELF it goes something like that beasuse i had asked and prayed tonce and i fell a sleep and i woke up to a black figure in my room so i fell a sleep and awoke in the morning opend my bible to a page and the first thing i read was who are you to ask me to show my self who are you to ask for a sighn it sead something like that anyways...
ok keep on going on about my spelling green witch is that what you are
You don't really think that anyone here takes you seriously, or that anyone here is going to be motivated to share your superstitions as a result of your weird rants, do you?
@Setanta,
SO you DONT BELEVE IN GODS WRITEN WORD OR GOD IS THAT WHAT YOUR SAYING IS IT any ways why are you in my discussion replying to my poasts well if it is nothing you would not say a word you would leave
@tHe CrUsHeR,
MOS OF US HERE HAVE A BRANE AND NO THAT CHRISTINS STUFF IS A CROCK. SURRY YEW THKN OTHER WISE.
GOODBYE. ENJOY YER CHERCH LIFE
@tHe CrUsHeR,
Get a grip, clown. Any member here has a right to comment on any thread they see, including your hilarious bullshit. So nothing obliges me to leave.
In the first place, your response contains a gross logical fallacy. You are implying that if i don't agree with your personal interpretation of scripture, that i don't "beleve in gods writen word." The only reasonable inference from that is that you are the only one who truly understands the meaning and implications of scripture. There are, literally, hundreds of millions, and probably more than a billion Christians out there who won't agree at all that your personal interpretation of scripture is the only correct one.
Beyond that, however, it is certainly the case that i have no good reason to assume that scripture, written by men, and poorly educated, largely ignorant men, thousands of years ago is actually "the word of god." Whether or not i did, i certainly would never assume that a marginally articulate, hateful person such as yourself would have the true inside word on what god wants.
@Setanta,
hang on cowboy i belive in god i do NOT follow any religon i am not going to belive in something without reserching it i am not a follower i do not do as a person would like i will try my hardest to seak the trueth ooops but you can say you are back again to look at my next poast.....you can do what you like why do people have to interpret a scripture when god is in there life thay can ask him to show them right from wrong or would he not show them ???????? i am truely sorry Setenta we dont agree hatefull i am not i just see the wrong in catholic chirch [ look one human to another if u read your manual to your car you loved your car you knew just about every think there is to know about it
and i had the same but it was not your year model plus your model was the special one and i came a long trying to convince you mine was better when all i have got is the basic model that i had tryed to make it like yours or even the same you would be verry fustrated beacuse you had reserch and loved your car that much you would know all the ins and outs you could point out what i have added to it to make it better and you know my car is full of crap beacuse
you know in your hart there were three models and yours was the best model]]
so yhats what it is like i dident know how to put it so i just used cars sorry if u got confused.............................................................
jesus ******* christ.
Can you use a little bit of basic sentence structure?
Not only is your spelling atrocious , but you type one big run on sentence that no one can understand.
Some people here will give you a well educated easy going deep debate.. but you have to prove first that you are capable of participating.
Since no one can read what you have to say, everyone is going to take you for the teenage text you use.
Periods are your friend. So is losing the phonetic spelling.
In fact, i wasn't confused. There is no doubt in my mind that you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Even if you could buy a vowel and produce a lucid thought--you are completely incapable of communicating it in a coherent manner.
@Setanta,
OK sir what might you like to here i will talk. As i am a man with no schooling i may have taught my self to spell read and wright i will stop and think and look at my Post SIR. I know what i have seen and researched on the catholic Church and it is not a very promising Church . i cant post all that is on my mind and i stuff up what i maybe trying to say but i will take my time and not text as if the world is going to end so you can see what i am saying so it is more easy to the eye that you may under stand and read what i post so sir is that a lot better for you this post that i have taken my time for all to read and under stand me a little more so now you do know i did not go to school and i taught my self basically everything i know at least you know now . How selfish of me ok sir
i must be on my way till next time
@tHe CrUsHeR,
No, really, it's not better.
It's unfortunate that you didn't finish school but there are other folks here, I am sure, without a high school diploma that can write and spell better than you. At least, know how to use a period.
What Set has been trying to say is that with the way you present yourself, you won't get a ounce of debate because no one wants to argue with someone who seemingly has no education on the subject.
I know!
Look at Bella!
Deaf and Dumb.
