Who's Right?

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Ok, not really who's right but tell me if I am being unreasonable.

I borrowed some maternity clothes from a family member when I was pregnant. It was a Target/Wal-Mart sized bag filled with tops. No pants, shorts, skirts.

Somewhere in our last move, the clothes got lost or were donated. Well, I was asked for the clothes back and I was honest and said they were gone. The clothes were used by her, and then by me and were about 3 years old. They were Old Navy and Motherhood stuff, nothing designer or expensive.

I offered to replace them by going to some mom to mom sales and picking up gently used clothes; after all, I would be replacing used clothes. The places I live around have some really high end places and I know I could get some great deals on some nice clothes. I offered her to replaced the items or to send her $50. I apologized and all that jazz.

She came back with, "I can't believe that you would offer such a low amount. I was expecting you to offer me $200 for the clothes."

Question

$200 for one bag of used maternity shirts?

Is she nuts?

Granted I don't know that $50 would be the replacement value of the items but I did offer to replace what I could for her and she declined saying she wanted the money.

I think she just wants to go out and buy new clothes. She doesn't work outside the house so fancy new clothes is not really something she really needs.

I get her being pissed. I lost her clothes. But am I wrong for thinking that $200 is way too much for used maternity shirts? There were maybe 15 shirts in the bag. And again, all used and several years old.

Set me straight, people. Tell me like it is.

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Send her $100. Tell her that's more than they were worth, it's all you can afford, and this will have to settle the matter.

Then delete her name from your Christmas card list.

Feel free to ignore her at family gatherings.

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I just don't get people who "loan" stuff out that they'll be put out about not getting back.

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Not that you shouldn't take care of stuff that you borrow; just that I think people have unrealistic expectations.

Used clothing? Seriously?

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Unfortunately Fair Market Value and Family Harmony are in conflict.

If you can come up with the money, I'd opt for family--even if you have to part with the money in installments.

Years ago, a woman from the next apartment "lost" my party-top maternity wardrobe--both dressy outfits. She never made any effort to replace the clothing. I swallowed my annoyance and rejoiced in the coming move to a larger apartment.

I'm not a dedicated clothes horse, but many women are. I don't understand them, but I have to respect their passion.

While you didn't misplace her clothes deliberately, she doesn't have her clothes any more.

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Noddy, I totally get replacing or paying for party dresses. They are expensive, maternity or not. I get replacing things you've borrowed that have medium to high value.

But these were all tees and tanks.

I feel very conflicted on this.

We were very very close as children but we've grown apart since we moved far away from each other. In fact, I talk to her maybe once a year, if that.

I don't know. I feel like she's being totally unreasonable and rejecting any attempt (no matter how unfair or feeble) to make things right. I offered to buy some for her (used) at some sales. I live by some "rich" areas that have clothes being sold with tags on still and I know I could get her some nice stuff. But she wants to go out and buy all new clothes. I don't think I should pay for all new clothes.

I just bought a house, I have an infant who's 1st birthday is coming up and I'd like to have a nice family get together (which costs money)....I don't have $200 just lying around and even if I did, I don't feel like she has top priority over my family using it.

Maybe I'm being a bitch. But as my mom always taught me; who would I rather have mad at me? My cousin or my husband? Always side with your husband.

I guess I know what I have to do. But I wanted some feedback on my decision.

Thanks!

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Bella--

You have my sympathy--sometimes you just can't afford to cater to unreasonability.

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I'm with Eva -- go up to $100 for the sake of harmony and apologize for misplacing her stuff while reminding her of exactly what it was that you lost. Maybe she doesn't remember what was in the bag.

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My oldest has stolen over $1000 worth of clothes from her younger sister. The youngest used to get mad, now, just beats her up.

Shocked

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cjhsa wrote:

My oldest has stolen over $1000 worth of clothes from her younger sister. The youngest used to get mad, now, just beats her up.

Like daughter, like father; it's a good thing she didn't have a gun handy.

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cicerone imposter wrote:

cjhsa wrote:
My oldest has stolen over $1000 worth of clothes from her younger sister. The youngest used to get mad, now, just beats her up.

Like daughter, like father; it's a good thing she didn't have a gun handy.

My thoughts exactly. What kind of example were they set that stealing and hitting are considered acceptable behavior?

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You guys obviously don't have two teenage daughters or ever had sisters.

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cjhsa wrote:

You guys obviously don't have two teenage daughters or ever had sisters.

Not like you or yours.

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Well, I got a nasty email from her regarding my offer to give her $50 or replace the clothes. She doesn't want "resale" clothes.

She says "You should have given my clothes back as soon as you had Adriana. Or, once you found out you lost them (which I still don't understand how you lose maternity clothes, did you lose all of them, or just mine?) you should have humbly asked me how you could make right on this. You have done none of this. You, somehow, think you have the right to tell me what my generosity was worth.

So now not only am I cheap, I am also a liar and I must have loaned out her clothes or threw them away.

Good grief. Can you see how this is going?

She also says "I'll expect my clothes in the mail, or a few checks over the next few months. It's too bad that it has come to this."

I've apologized numerous times. She apparently looks past those words and focuses on the money. My apology means nothing.

I am fuming mad.

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How pregnant is she? Is it possible her hormones are making this a bigger deal than it should be?

I say get her a $100 gift card to a maternity store or Target, and send it with a card expressing how sorry you are (and nothing else) and call it a day. Never bring it up again and don't reply to her emails.

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Ok, so I did some math on the off chance that I was the one who was being totally unreasonable.

There were 15-20 shirts in the bag. As I recall, they were all old navy or motherhood.

They were all teeshirts or tanks with the exception of a few other shirts.

With NO SALE.....

The average price of a tee shirt from old navy is $12.50.
Their other shirts are $24.
At motherhood, the average price of a tee is $16.
Their other shirts are $25.

Say that there were 20 shirts all together and to be fair, since I don't remember, there were 5 of each kind. ( And I know this is not true but just to be on the safe side)

12.50 x 5 = 62.50
16 x 5 = 80
24 x 5 = 120
25 x 5 = 125

There was also a bathing suit, at at most it was $40 (it was Old Navy).

So at an absolute MAX, with no sale involved and BRAND NEW, there would be $427.50 in that bag (IF the clothes were bought TODAY, not 3 years ago).

And to be totally honest with you, I can say with certaintly there were not 10 $25 shirts in that bag.

And on top of it, would you really treat your sister this way? Would you give her demands and be completely shitty about the whole thing even if she apologized and offered to do what she could?

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FreeDuck wrote:

How pregnant is she? Is it possible her hormones are making this a bigger deal than it should be?

I say get her a $100 gift card to a maternity store or Target, and send it with a card expressing how sorry you are (and nothing else) and call it a day. Never bring it up again and don't reply to her emails.

2 months preggo.

She sure as **** ain't getting cash from me. It's a giftcard to a maternity store or nothing.

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I would send her a check for $1.00 every 3 weeks.

It would be worth the cost of a stamp.

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There is no way in hell I am sending her cash to do what she wants with it.

If she needs maternity clothes so bad, she's going to spend this money on clothes.

Maybe I am being unreasonable. But now it doesn't matter because she has repeated accused me of being dishonest and trying to cheat her. And that pisses me off.

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I've heard of sibling financial squabbles for most of my life, but this is the first one about a sister-in-law. When it comes to family or friends, I don't "lend" but give; it removes all the potential for misunderstandings.

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