Allah Loves Evil Curvaceous Infidel Bitch Barbie

Mark Morford's Daily Fix 9/12/03
== Allah Loves Evil Curvaceous Infidel Bitch Barbie ==

Saudi Arabia's religious police have declared Barbie dolls a threat to morality, complaining that the revealing clothes of the "Jewish" toy -- already banned in the kingdom -- are offensive to Islam, not to mention to every sentient girl anywhere who gives a damn for true beauty and intelligence and who ever wants to have a genuine orgasm in her entire life and not some squealing Jessica Simpson-like frigid little quiver.

The Committee for the Propagation of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, as the religious police are officially known, and isn't that just the greatest goddamn department you've ever heard, and you can bet Ashcroft is looking at that title and sighing longingly, lists the dolls on a section of its Web site devoted to items deemed offensive to the conservative Saudi interpretation of Islam.

"Jewish Barbie dolls, with their revealing clothes and shameful postures, accessories and tools are a symbol of decadence to the perverted West. Let us beware of her dangers and be careful," said a message posted on the site.

The site also listed roughly 14,456,223 other items that were considered offensive to Islam, including but not limited to ice cube trays, oversized sweatshirts with giant glittery kittens on them, Styrofoam, fresh-squeezed lemonade, socialism-based fiscal infrastructures that insufficiently delineate economic fulfillment channels, Nutella, Angelina Jolie's lips, Ralph Lauren "gentle winter eggshell" interior latex paint, GE 60-watt soft white light bulbs, Spain, and Maria Shriver's creepy-ass demonic eyebrows.

"Death to infidel gum-snapping SUV bitch Barbie!" cried Abdul Ali Shiran Mballah, Minister of Torching Totally Degrading American Crap Along With Much Evil But Not Cool 'Buttman' DVDs. "All hail Oppressed Sexually Stifled Burka Barbie!

Praise Allah! Kill me now!"

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2003/09/10/international1248EDT0633.DTL&nl=fix