Local expressions and what they mean

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That's what it means! The question might be: "Where's my pen?" and the answer was invariably: " Is my face red?" which was a sort of short hand for
" Well, it's not up my ass! (How should I know?) ". Very common in Britain and Ireland but not used much these days. I mean I haven't heard anyone saying it in years. Although there was an old black and white British movie on TV years ago where one of the characters actually says : " Is my face red?". I wondered for years what it was supposed to mean. Like you, I think it does sound a bit strange. The leap from asking a person where someone or something is to getting an answer implying the possibility that the person or thing asked about was not up the rear end of the person asked, does seem weird.....If you follow my meaning.

I could eat the crutch out of a low flying duck - I'm very hungry
Flat out like a lizard drinking. I'm very busy OR I have nothing to do (depends on the context).
Off like a bucket of prawns in the hot sun. - Smelly, rotten.
I'm off like a brides nightie. - I'm leaving immediatly

One i noticed here on A2K
I couldnt care less/ I could care less. I think there was a thread about that one.

Shaking like a dog shitting a peach seed...scared.

Don't know **** from Shinola...a dumbass.

Don't know your ass from a hole in the ground...same as above.

Grinnin' like a possum...big smile, usually because s/he'd done something bad and got away with it.

Northern ( MA )
Don't know your ass from your elbow (stupid/confused)
Off like a prom dress (leaving quickly)
Bang a U-y (make a u-turn)

Southern ( GA ) - man, I wish I remembered more from Georgia!
Fi'in (fixing) to leave (about ready to go)
Do what, now? (Who? What? Where? When?)

A lady of a certain age. (An old bat).

She's past her sell by date. (ditto).

Mutton dressed up as lamb. (ditto).

Busier than a pair of jumper cables at a (insert group name to be insulted) funeral.

Tighter than Dick's hatband. ('tight' could be either drunk or stingy)

Yes, but it comes from a longer expression, from early modern English: I swear to the Lord. The Lord becoming "they law."