Your Prayersand/or thoughts on this Thanksgiving

Thought I would send a note to let everyone know how our family is doing.

Tadhg's visitation and funeral were a good experience for us. We received the condolences of many friends and family members. And then we heard Father Barta talk about how our suffering was for a greater good. Tadhg brought us all together even though he spoke without words.

We have received and continue to receive the support of everyone that Tadhg touched. We have heard from many others who have also lost a child. We have put the monetary gifts we have received into a Tadhg Kilgore memorial fund. We plan on using this fund to pay his medical expenses (which should not be much since we have very good private insurance and Tadhg was also covered under Medicaid), to make charitable contributions to the Iowa Children's Hospital and to raise awareness for organ donation.

We had a restful vacation in La Crosse, WI. We stayed at a hotel that had an overlook of the Mississippi River. It was a peaceful view. Much of the top layer of the river was frozen and there were a few bald eagles on the river.

I went to graduate school in La Crosse, so we visit our old haunts; the apple store in La Crest, MN; The Pearl coffee shop, the Cajun Café, the food co-op and we took Julia to the Children's Museum, which she loved. We ordered room service both mornings we were at the hotel. Julia said she liked the "apartment" more than our house. The hotel was fairly empty, so we got the pool and whirlpool to ourselves. It was a nice place to be anonymous for a few days.

When came home from La Crosse, Paul returned to teaching the next day since there was only 2 days left in the semester and he wanted to see his students before the semester change (he has all 1 semester long classes right now). The students and staff at Senior High School have been overwhelmingly supportive of our family. Paul told me that one of the swimmers even made a speech about Tadhg before a swim meet that they dedicated to him. The woodworking instructor, Mike Jensen, engraved Tadhg's story, "The Poet," in a beautiful wood plaque for our home. Tadhg really touched everyone at Dubuque Senior High.

I stay home and take care of Julia. Julia and I are beginning to return to our usual routine of playing with friends, learning to swim, reading books and taking care of our home and pets.

Soon after we returned from vacation we caught colds. Since our immune systems are stressed, the colds turned into various forms of infections. Julia is close to completely recovered from her double-ear infection (she's never had an ear infection before). I found out this week that I have a sinus and tonsil infection. And after I forced Paul to go to the doctor, he was put on antibiotics for a lung infection. I think he had gotten comfortable with not breathing out of his nose and having wheezy lungs, which he's had since the fall. So we are now all well on our way to good health.

We feel that we are dealing well after losing Tadhg. Our faith gave us hope that Tadhg would receive a heart and recover, but we were also aware of how sick he was. We watched him struggle to near death several times and recover. Unfortunately, Tadhg used some of his reserves each time he had a low blood pressure, high heart rate, or an infection. In the end he died peacefully, with no more strength for another recovery. Of course we miss him terribly, but we are happy for the time we spent with him. We sincerely were able to have quality "family time" with him in his hospital room. He held our fingers and looked at us while we sat by him or washed his hair. We watch the miracle of his growth and development in his hospital bed, despite all of the life support he was on and his open chest wound. He got to know his family and we are happy for the three months we got to spend with him.

Julia seems to be doing well after losing Tadhg. At first, she had a lot of questions about why we weren't going back to the hospital and why we were giving away his stuffed animals. We have always told her the truth about Tadhg. She knew that he was very sick. And we told her that he had died and was in heaven where we wouldn't be able to see him for a long time. She struggled with understanding that Tadhg was no longer at the hospital, but she now uses the past tense about Tadhg being at the hospital. We are glad that she was able to bond with him and we will try to help her remember the time she had with her brother.

We have no regrets about the decisions we made for Tadhg's health care. We decided early on that we would do everything possible to help him survive. If he hadn't had his surgery, he would not have lived longer than 2 weeks. The surgery repaired his heart enough to give him a few more months of life. We really believe that everyone's combined prayers and hopeful thoughts kept Tadhg and the rest of our family strong.

We gained much even though we lost Tadhg. Tadhg taught his doctors that a child is able to survive with an open chest wound for nearly 3 months. This had never been experienced at the Iowa Children's hospital. His autopsy will show his surgeons why his surgery was not successful and they will use that information when choosing surgery or heart transplant for babies with Tadhg's form of hypoplastic left heart syndrome in the future.

He taught his family how much they are cared for by their family and friends. And that love can endure beyond death. He taught us to enjoy the current moments in our lives rather than living for the future. He filled us with life.

Tadhg taught us all how important organ donation is. I always felt and still believe that Tadhg did not receive a heart because there was no one willing to donate, not because there was not a heart available. The odds of an acceptable donor heart not being available in the entire United States for 2 and ½ months does not seem likely to me. We know that there was only four babies Tadhg's size on the National Heart Transplant List during the time he was listed for a heart. We know that Tadhg was likely at the top of the National Heart Transplant List. This information was gathered from the one call that Tadhg's heart transplant coordinator received. In November, Dr. Edens, received a call for a donor heart that was available in a Cincinnati hospital. The heart was determined not acceptable by all 4 of these babies' doctors because it came from a baby that died from an infection. The infection would likely have been transferred to the heart recipient. Under immunosuppressant drugs that a heart recipient receives, any infection could be fatal immediately after a heart transplant surgery. It is possible that Tadhg missed a call for a donor heart during the time that he was taken off the heart transplant list temporarily due to an infection.

Organ donation is one of the most unselfish gifts that can be given. It is the gift of life and hope. Please continue to tell Tadhg's story in the hopes that other people will consider becoming organ donors (www.donatelife.net).

Organ donation is one of the most unselfish gifts that can be given. It is the gift of life and hope. Please continue to tell Tadhg's story in the hopes that other people will consider becoming organ donors (www.donatelife.net).