I agree, Cryacuz, that addicts do not benefit from our empathy. In fact, I wonder if we can empathize with an addict or alcoholic if we have never suffered those maladies ourselves. I gave up on an alcoholic friend--for my own good. I realized I was just "enabling" him, not helping him. Indeed, by rejecting his alcoholism and challanging him to do the same my interaction with him was, if not a help, at least not a toxic force.
Yes, help is available. But as you say, he must want it. And the wish has to be sincere. And I figure the longer I keep indulging him when he lies to himself, the longer it will take before a genuine wish to change his life takes hold in him. He needs to face the consequences of his situation, regardless of wether they are circumstances forced on him or results of choices and actions he made. As I see it, empathy might stand in the way of that.
Maybe it's simple. Maybe I should welcome warmly him when he's sober and reject him ruthlessly when he's not. Perhaps then he would understand that I am not judging him, I am merely taking a stand... I don't know.
Then you didn't give him up, JL. You gave him the choice, between your friendship and his alcohol. Perhaps that is the way to do it. But I fear that the hold drugs and alcohol has on those caught in it is greater than any power they have to choose...
And I can empathize with his situation, because I spent a few years stuck on getting high, with no regard for anything else but my quality time with my hashish. But most people, at least here in Europe, do not acknowledge misuse of hashish as a drug addiction, and after having endured an obsession with the substance that lead me to neglect every other aspect of my life I really cannot see why.
So I know what he's going through, because I've been through the light version, so to speak. I found a resolve to change, and so must he. But first he must acknowledge that he is miserable in his existence.
