Right Guard, too. That stuff just seeps straight into the pores.
And stays there.
We've been left dangling. Was your complete Cast of Characters fired? Were you fired?
Your reading public needs updates.
Ah, thank you for the reminder.
Back to our story, already in progress ...
Actually we had a few not so pleasant episodes but they were outside of work. Three people (I won't name names, not even the fake names) lost a loved one in the span of only a few weeks. Hence there were a lot of absences and as a result I was doing someone else's work there for a while, and now I am again as that person is now out sick.
The Slacker was one of those who were untouched by tragedy. This meant, of course, that The Slacker took time off. For what? Um, I dunno. Sympathy mourning, I suppose. Black is a rather fetching color. Tres chic.
Today, The Snorter regaled us with tales of how wonderful salad really is. Of how the day is not complete unless it's begun with a gym visit and the middle of it is graced with a salad and then the night -- who knows? Maybe the night involves TV and mah jongg. I do know that wine is often involved.
Since I'm losing weight I kind of look forward to, kind of dread, them figuring out that I'm actually doing that. Canadian #1 knows because that person is my friend (and is fighting a similar battle), and I'm pretty sure BC's Finest suspects, too. But at over 27 lbs. lost it's only a matter of time before The Map or someone else (who am I kidding? It'll be The Map) proclaims to everyone in that ZIP code that I am losing weight.
Now, I know they'll try to be supportive, but I've seen it happen to High Maintenance during a weight loss bout and during the numerous attempts to convince The Smoker to quit smoking -- the meddling is well-intentioned but damned annoying. For The Smoker, it stresses out The Smoker enough so that The Smoker, well, smokes even more. This is despite The Map trying to convince The Smoker to try some sort of weird fake cigarettes in order to be weaned off smoking the real thing. The Smoker, of course, upon hearing this wonderful news, ran downstairs to -- what else? -- have a smoke.
Perhaps I'll wear muumuus for the next two years or until my contract is up, whichever comes first.
Tomorrow: another action-packed day of doing someone else's job.
The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Some of those paving blocks are laid by nibby-nosed well-wishers.
True that. Can I pave the road to hell with the bones of my enemies?
Grind up the bones and use them to fertilize the primroses growing to either side of the path.
Well-gnawed bones will trip you up, every time.
Countdown, T minus three
This is my last week. My gig was cancelled due to budgetary restrictions. Read: the CEO needs to keep that extra Lear Jet. For emergencies, yanno. I've known about this for almost a week already.
Don't worry, my agency is looking for something for me or at least is supposed to. Read: I'm looking. I'll be retained for a week, maybe even as much as a month, after Friday, as the agency continues looking. But the bottom line for them is the bottom line, too. As in, if I don't bring in billings, they won't hold me for long.
The reaction amidst the group has been interesting. O'B told me, and was kind and offered a reference and to open doors if I needed them opened. The Map was so flustered (and it was The Map who originally told me) that initially I didn't know that the decision had been made and thought that it was still up in the air. For The Map, it was all about how The Map would cope.
The Snorter got to tell Canadian #2 as C #2 was also excessed. C #2 has been on interviews via the agency, but I have not, even though my skill set is better. Good for C #2, but the upshot of it is, you guessed it, I'm not relying on the agency to do diddly for me.
High Maintenance is in charge of the farewell lunch, which was originally set for Friday but was moved to Thursday because The Map and The Fashion Victim were unable to attend. High Maintenance got upset that the plans were changed, and had a short spat with The Victim because The Victim's out of office information wasn't up to date. High Maintenance also expressed the hope that I'd eat some cake. Well, I've been watching my weight for over three months. I'm not about to sabotage it now. So I said thanks but no thanks, please make sure to order a salad.
The Victim was about the only person who said it was sad that we were being excessed. Oh yeah, The Smoker said something similar, although it took The Smoker three days to say that. The Slacker said I am a good neighbor and would miss the fact that I'm quiet, since everyone else can't shaddap. True, that.
In the meantime, Canadian #1 and Nice Guy With Good Database Skills (aka my work fitness buddy) suspect that they're next. Resumes are being worked on openly. Phone calls are being made openly. Networking takes up many a conversation, on their end and, of course, my own.
Amusingly enough, I am busier now than I've been for months. I make phone calls, write letters, read postings, reply to them, keep everything up to date, organize my notes and then do it all again the next day. It's exhausting, but presumably it'll pay off.
In the meantime, the initial buzz has died down and everyone is back to work as more or less per usual. Just about everything I have there has been cleaned out, and I am emotionally detaching myself.
Onward to outer space.
Some new employer out there will be very lucky to get you. I hope you hear of something soon (or not so soon if you're looking forward to a well-earned break). While, of course, I hope you will land on your feet in a more sane environment than the one you are leaving, I will miss your harrowing-but-laugh-out-loud-amusing dispatches from your current loony bin.
I'm sure there'll be another fine cast of characters wherever I land.
Aack, Jes, but with fortune, this could be a good thing.
I'll be looking forward to the new show's cast.
I think it'll be a good thing, too. I was getting particularly bored for the last month or so before they told me I was being let go. I had an inkling it was going to happen, so the resume was ready to rock and roll before they even told me.
I'll probably start a new topic when I get to wherever I get. Son of Dispatches or something like that.
In the meantime, today is my (and C #2's) farewell lunch.
Final Day plus Penultimate Day
I'm exhausted. The last couple of days have blended together so seamlessly that about the only way I can tell which day is which is by checking the fancy-shmancy extra section of the New York Times. You know, Tuesday is Science, etc. Friday is artsy stuff and there's artsy stuff in the paper so Bob's your Uncle; it's Friday.
I had only four hours left to bill. Could leave earlier, could leave later, whatever. My only commitment was a 9 AM phone screen for a job I don't want, through my agency.
Well, 9 AM comes. And goes. And the dude never calls (in fact, I checked email about 15 minutes ago and it's still a mystery as to why he bugged out. I hope he's okay). In the meantime, I start making phone calls. And I end up getting a different phone screen, for something a lot better.
The Map is out; we said our goodbyes the previous day and the Map said I'd be missed and could they please send me the trivia questions? The Fashion Victim also said farewell yesterday as the Victim had to go to a funeral.
So today was a blizzard of phone calls while I packed my stuff and in general dealt with all of the stuff that usually goes on, when it comes to a last day. People wished me well. There were hugs. There were promises of support. Business cards flew around like so many white hummingbirds. I wrote haikus and posted them to my friends, who told me my Geek hand remains strong.
I Need a Stamp asked for a stamp.
Nice Luddite with Sick Cat thanked me for finding "A Child's Garden of Verses" online.
O'B hugged me and told me to call if I ever needed anything.
The Snorter told me that Canadian #2 and I are wonderful, but then tried to have a hugely long conversation with me as I was running out the door to meet a recruiter.
High Maintenance thanked me for all the little extra things I did.
Nice Guy Who Knows Data said I'd be missed.
Nice Guy Who Taught Me Stuff told me to never stop being odd.
The Frighteningly Thin Smoker told me I'm looking good.
BC's Finest said I'd be caught on the flip side.
The Slacker was nowhere to be found.
Canadian #1 was out sick but sent regards.
The Deer Caught in the Headlights was out on maternity leave but sent regards.
And The Map sent an email that made me cry a little.
Nice Guy Who Taught Me Stuff sounds interesting...
(Shouldn't you be taking a break? Doesn't A2K have substitute hamsters for days like this?)
Rights to the next book are up for dibs...
Get some rest, Boss.
Wow, I'm (almost) going to miss these people. No, let me rephrase. I will miss your stories about them.
(How was the Last Lunch?)
I think the ones I'll miss are The Map, Nice Guy Who Knows Data, Nice Guy Who Taught Me Stuff, BC's Finest and the Canadians (eh?).
That could be a singing group: BC's Finest and the Canadians. With their hit single, "Don't Put the Back Bacon in My Toque, eh?!"
The lunch went okay. There was pizza, sandwiches, salad and cake. I avoided the first and last items and just had the grilled chicken and lettuce out of a sandwich. I actually think it was a major league undereating day. Weird, that was so not what I was expecting.
The Map thanked both of us and ribbed C #1 about now being stuck with my reports. Then I said something, that we (C #2 and me) had fun, learned a lot and made friends, and isn't that what it's all about? C #2 said something about everyone being like family (I guess the word dysfunctional
was implied), then we ate.
My last act as an employee was to, heh, clear the empty coffee cups out of The Map's cube and toss them in the trash. I fear that when we next see each other, The Map will be barely visible above the piles of old Dunkin' Donuts cups.
Dispatches II will be coming in a few weeks. Yes, I will be starting a new job.
Congratulations! I'm not sure what I hope for you jespah -- that the dispatches will be equally amusing or that the milieu will be less ...er... "interesting".