Dispatches from the Front

Jes--

Your analysis of the stamp situation is going to force me to re-evaluate my dogged admiration for all the letter writers who are published in my local newspaper.

I often fault these people on logic, grammar and political persuasion, but give them full credit for assembling a pen (or pencil), paper, an envelope and a stamp.

Perhaps 33% of these people borrow stamps?

Perhaps I'm being too harsh on I Need a Stamp -- maybe INAS is simply collecting stamps and envelopes for the folks who write letters to the editor. Democracy in action!

Dammit, why do I hate America?

Jes, I save your rants for my Monday Morning get going you lazy b**tard first cuppa sessions. You never fail to lighten my weekload.

Day Whatever

Stuffing is the great equalizer.

That, and a near-universal dislike of the continuing onslaught of Christmas music. My department has both united and divided, if that makes any sense.

The divisions came over stuffing. People guard their own recipes jealously. At Canadian One's place, the stuffing had a cracker base. In the Snorter's it contained sausage. Where we went, there were chestnuts in the stuffing. I'm sure some adventuresome soul added cranberries to theirs. We all find each others' stuffing to be weird and none too appetizing, and no one's too polite to say so.

The unity came over the deluge of Christmas music. This morning, RP and I awoke to the sounds of Feliz Navidad. Now, it's not a horrible song, plus you gotta give Jose Feliciano props for his success. But, oof, it was not how I wanted to start my day, particularly when it's not even December yet. We have been switching to heavier and heavier metal stations in order to try to keep a step ahead of the Christmas music. I fear that we'll run out of options and end up switching to rap and then to gangster rap as we hear far too many renditions of Run-DMC's Christmas in Hollis.



Word.

But back to work. The year is ending, the quarter is ending, perhaps the universe is ending, and that means that my existence has turned into one large game of "hurry up and wait".

Now, I don't mind working. In fact, I kind of like to work hard. But what's happening now is that I careen from super-busy to having more or less nothing to do. I recognize that it is not their collective jobs to equalize out my work load, so I do what I can in that area. For example, the Map had a bunch of somewhat manual work to do, plus a billion other things. The Map dragged feet and tossed in a few other choice delaying tactics while I pushed for more to do. I finally ended up just taking over some work and grabbing it for myself. While the Map certainly could have done the work, the Map was busy with other things. Therefore I took what I could. It kept me busy for a couple of hours and helped out the Map. This is good but if I had not been so assertive, the Map would have kept all the work (while I was doing this stuff, the Map pulled out other things to deal with). Happy ending, more or less.

And now I'm tired. Even not working hard can wipe me out. G'night.

She said "WORD"....ROFL

We need a performance video of you doin' that song, girl...

I love it when she says Word.

And, gee, I can't imagine having nothing to do. I occasionally consider how much backlog I have. My current estimate is that if no one bothered me or sent me new piles of documents to process, it would take me six months to get caught up. Some days I handle that better than others. (Some days I freak out about it.) I've begged for competent help. I have one slacker and one part-time college student who sometimes isn't a slacker. We're not making much headway.

Christmas music... perhaps I've redesigned my life so I don't hear it (light my fi-er, light my fi-er, not withstanding.) Lord love a duck, or, as the case may be, a goose.

Jes, is there anyone named Dilbert in your office? I think the two of you would get along quite swimmingly.

BTW, this is the best thread on a2k. So glad I found it.

Too bad about the STD's. Perhaps you could transmit (without infecting) to the higher order that disabilities are seldom short term.

Oh, my. Thank ya. Dunno 'bout the STDs. Management seems adamant that, a couple of days after getting sick or injured, we all get STD.

Er, that didn't come out right. :wink:

Gads, does management even have a clue?

Day uh, what was the question again?

'Tis the season.

For what? Why, for acting even wackier than usual, of course! Argh.

Yesterday I was late because I had a dental appointment. While I like my dentist very much (and the fact that he's easy on the eyes and kinda funny helps things considerably), I am also mindful of the fact that he is going to Aruba on my molars. I had a filling replaced and so came into the office both looking and sounding like a prize fighter.

The office was mostly empty as much of the group was all in some big honkin' meeting. It was big. It was honkin'. It was ... a meeting. So I got some stuff done and then the Map and the Snorter returned and decided it would be nice if we all got together for something during the holidays.

Now, I'm not 100% against socializing and, in fact, I had actually gone out on a department thing the other evening. This is fine. But the month of December is already crowded with social stuff, plus there's non-work socializing and there's also a bunch of work stuff (lots of complex and conflicting things) and those are all due by February 1st, 2008. Hence, if I also want to get some rest time in there, plus let my budget recover a little, any additional socializing had better be something I really, really want to do or somehow important for my career. No half-measures.

Well, the Map's idea was for everyone to go ice skating at the Frog Pond. The Snorter immediately chimed in and thought it was a fabulous idea. Then the others (who by this time had also returned) had their say: The Slacker had never gone ice skating and was concerned about falling. The Fashion Victim had last gone at Age 5, when the Victim fell and was slashed in the hand by some kid's skates, and still bears the scars (see, I toldja that person was a Victim). I don't think either Canadian was asked (you'd think skating would be kinda second nature for them, eh?). High Maintenance, who's had some formative years in upstate New York, has all the skating equipment and thought it was a great idea. Then they got to me.

Fashion Victim: jes, what will you say when they ask you if you're going ice skating?
Me: Oh, I'm not going to that.
The Map: Why is everybody such a spoilsport?
Me: I value my ankles.
The Victim: I might fall.
The Slacker: I could fall.
The Map (to the Slacker and the Victim): I'll hold your hands and you won't fall! Why is everyone such a spoilsport?

The outing has been arranged, and I have received it as an Outlook meeting notice. I have not even opened it yet. There is no way in hell I am going to anything like this. Even if I were to just stand around, I would be less than pleased. I have been to the Frog Pond before and, while it is charming, it's also cold as hell over the winter months and even worse during evening hours. Getting sick, or injuring my finally happy shins, is just not something I want to be doing with my time. Since it's close to the start of Chanukah, I may end up using that as my excuse to bow out.

Sorry, I have to go light candles and spin a dreidel. So sorry.

Then there's the Yankee Swap.

This is one of the many social events at work that I've already consented to participate in. This will be my third Yankee Swap. I had one at a previous employer, one last year with this crew (and the rest of the people on our floor) and now this year. This year's Swap will be with the department only, and will include another location's people and, in fact, will be at that other location. I don't think it'll even be 20 people.

Last year, I gave a sketch pad and the Crayola 64 set of crayons (I got a tin of nice cocoa and a $5 Starbucks gift card, from the Snorter, it turns out. It was actually a rather nice gift). That was exactly what I had given in '05 and it went over very well in my last job. Last year, though, it was regifted a few times. Ah, well. This year, I bought two small photo albums (the gift limit is something like $10). But the real joy is the wrapping. I'm not much of a wrapper (or rapper, for that matter, despite the Run-DMC lyrics above), so I generally just get a gift bag, some ribbon, tissue paper and a little card you tie onto the basket. Five minutes later: instant wrapping!

This year, I decided to go all-black. The bag, the card, everything. My gift will resemble a bag-shaped piece of coal. Or a small portal to the Yankee Swap section of hell.

And that's the way I like it.

Quote: (the gift limit is something like $10).

One of my ex co-workers bought all gifts at the Dollar Store.

The Dollar Store is a great idea. Surprising what you can find.

Now back to the subject...

No naps
Day one, at least of this year

The holidays, often a time to reflect have been, for me, a time to watch the passing parade and continue to wonder wtf they're all thinking.

While it's been quiet and people have been on break or we've just all been bringing in food and stuff, they are still interesting. Almost like specimens under a microscope, I suppose. In return, I'd say they were watching me but the reality is that they probably aren't and, instead, I scarcely come up on their collective radar.

The Map has taken a day here, and a day there because of having too much vacation time and being unable to carry any more of it over. Plus the Map has been doing testing, which is nice except that I'm given absolutely none of it to do. BC's Finest said that it's his opinion that the Map just isn't used to giving people work and so I end up with nothing because the Map just can't be brought to do any sort of meaningful delegating. Then, of course, it was the holiday week and the Map kept lamenting about having a messy desk but doing next to nothing about it. Just lamenting. That's nice.

Now, a few weeks before, the Map was at the doctor's and called me from there because a certain slip with the name of the necessary blood test(s) remained on the Map's desk. So I hunted for it and hunted and then hunted some more and could not find the stupid slip. I finally found it after turning over 70,000 pieces of seemingly identical white paper and while it was nothing exciting the bottom line is that that was personal and confidential stuff and I felt weird about reading it. But the only reason why I was in said position was because the Map simply could not get even that minor thing organized. I found a nice red pocket folder and pinned it to the Map's cube wall, and in large letters wrote on it: PERSONAL. I have no idea how much that will help with the clutter problem but it can't hurt.

O'B was around for most of the holiday weeks and also did not seem to be doing anything re getting caught up. I have to give props to O'B, though, because I've been let out early (though have been able to bill for the entire expected 8 hour daily time period) for several days now. Plus we've been allowed to wear jeans. These turned out to be rather nice holiday gifts indeed as I was comfortable and got what essentially worked out to a few hundred dollars after taxes. So, thank you, O'B!

This brings me to the title of this particular post: No naps. This was from a discussion with the Snorter. Now, I don't like getting off work topics with the Snorter, as the Snorter can talk you ear off about the stupidest, most obvious stuff. I swear that the Snorter could make a long (one-sided) conversation out of nothing more than a love for cotton percale sheets on the Snorter's bed.

Just before Xmas, the Snorter revealed the existence of a cold. And the Snorter's spouse said, "You should take a nap." Well, horror of horrors!

THERE ARE NO NAPS ALLOWED IN THE SNORTER'S HOUSE.

No naps, you say? So, um, if someone hasn't slept well, they're just supposed to suck it up? Or if they get tired while driving, why pull over? That would mean that a dreaded nap could be developing. Better to just keep driving, regardless of the danger, just to be able to say that one had avoided the dreaded unspeakable nap.

Naps, for me, are a great pleasure. Relaxing, warm and refreshing. Hell, I even napped while typing this.

Happy New Years, Jespah!

Please say you will keep up your notes from the front during 2008. We are beginning to know the Map and the Snorter, et al, and find them fascinating in their owns ways. Your reporting brings it to life, even the ridiculously mundane stuff,(bedause it is so easy to identify with) and the irony of any workplace.

Have you read Thomas' description of American work ethics? Hilarious! The two of you could start a great TV show.

All the best for this year. May it be a year of happiness, even "ahpiness," filled with loved and good health.

And that goes for everyone! Cheers!!

Thank you!

Sometimes, like for the past month or so, there isn't a lot to report. But I'll keep up with it, though sometimes it'll take me a while to get together good material. Don't worry, there's plenty, I just have to get it in shape.

PS Happy New Year to you and dys, too!

Personal stuff, redux

So the Map had cholesterol checked, and it's gone up. Now, normally I would neither know nor care about such things but it was broadcast in such a huge way that I'm involved whether I want to be or not. And I don't want to be.

I figure medical stuff is private unless it somehow affects work. I ended up telling people about the dental issues I have simply because I'm missing a tooth and I have a little bridge for it, but I take the bridge out in order to eat. So I'd rather not have to sit and explain the existence of the bridge every freakin' time. I'd rather just tell them in one shot and make that the end of it. In addition, I'm having dental implant surgery in late February so they need to know about that, at least in the abstract, in order to understand that I'll be out for at least a day, perhaps two.

But as for my cholesterol, my weight, my hygeinic habits and the like, forget it! I have no desire to share such things. But I have them shared with me. Oof.

So the Map's cholesterol has gone up. And the Map complained to me. Now, the Map does have a small reason for complaint, because this person has been exercising like a maniac for months and has probably dropped a few pounds. And that was the gist of the complaint. Well, I'm sorry, I'm not the cholesterol fairy. I suggested eating fewer restaurant meals but that suggestion was met with another complaint. I give up.

Then the Snorter got involved. The Snorter never met a wacky nostrum or vitamin or herbal supplement or whatever that the Snorter could not get behind. The Snorter eats fresh, raw garlic every day, for some reason or another. That cube reeks, it's like a pizza parlor in there. RP thinks I should not even refer to it as a cube any more, and simply call it The Snorter's Ristorante.

Methinks the Snorter's raw garlic diet is preventing colds not because garlic is so wonderful but more because nobody wants to come close. The Snorter has not yet (thank God!) gotten the Map turned onto garlic. Instead, it's fish oil capsules (which the Map finds to be strange), Vitamin C, Vitamin E and who the hell knows whatever else.

A criminal who defends himself has a fool for a client, and a doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient. So what do you call it when someone who has zero training in medicine, chemistry or nutrition starts going to GNC and buying everything on the middle shelf?

Time to buy stock in GNC

And a garlic farm.