Plant a Seed

****! That's an awful thing for anyone to witness, experience and have to respond to under pressure. I've no doubt you did your best, seed. No doubt at all.

Absolutely not fair and absolutely not your fault. Talk to your commander, Seed. You need a professional to help you deal with this.

Gene, you know you did everything you could.

It isn't fair. Anyone who said it was, was lying.

It's not fair. It's crap.

Do as Swimpy has recommended. Get help for yourself.

I'm really sorry, Seed. Really really sorry, and I can tell that you are too. It's not your fault, but I know that saying that won't make you feel it. I'll just say that if I were your friend, maybe I'd be glad that I was at least in the arms of a friend when I left this world.

I have no words. Thank goodness others above have posted the things running around in my head. You were there for your friend. If you couldn't stop the bleeding, maybe no one could have.

life isnt fair. i just wanted to state that before I wrote anything else.

I have sought out professional help. I am talking things over with him. My mind is clearer now. I wont be going back out on any missions for a while. they think its best. So i get to relax and just go to work now.

so feel me up with good news. whats going on in your worlds?

i turn 26 this month. I know im not old, but my body feels tired and weak like im 89. gah.

So talk to me my friends

Seed, I came along to A2K after you shipped out, but I have friends that think highly of you. I watch your thread, and wish you peace of mind as it can come.

Many thanks for what you do...

Rock

Have to say, Gene, that I'm glad you'll be staying close to base.

Good news? Good news is a happy new job that I'm finally starting to understand. Plus almost 70 lbs. lost since the start of the year. I'm melting!

Not to be bald about it, Gene, but that was probably a femoral artery wound, and you were the one to hold him at his time. Love to you from here, and love to your friend now gone.

You really have gone through life's fire young, Gene. You will come out ok, a strong man, fire seared. You'll have a foot ahead in the search for wisdom.

Tell us good things or bad things, we're here.

Holy Sh!t, Jes! That's amazing! Congrats.

Seed, I'm so glad to hear that you are being allowed some time to adjust to the trauma you just went through. You are in our thoughts. Just know that we are incredibly proud of you and the sacrifices you are making.

Happity happity for Jespah.

Glad you are talking things out, and no bloody goddam wonder you feel so tired now.


Good news? It's the weekend!!! It's raining!!! (That sounds odd to be good, but it's drought here, so rain is a delight.)

Thank you, ladies. Glad to be able to give Gene some good news. And yeah, hell, we're all very proud of you.

Good news? Here you go. I went to see my sister in Myrtle Beach this weekend for the first time in over 5 years. She has a beautiful pair of twin babies that I met for the first time. Family is grand and so is the beach. Warm weather, salt air, sunshine, and family -- good times. I hope you'll be having some soon, seed.

Good news? well, it'd not be big for a lot of people but Set and I and the dogs took my friend Jennifer down to the beach with us this morning. Jennifer has a marvellous interest in the tales Set has to tell. That, in and of itself, is good :wink:


A relaxing long weekend with friends has been very good. I feel like I've been to a resort spa - but I've not been more than 10 minutes from home all weekend.

So in 20 more days, just under 3 weeks I will be turning 26. Another birthday is about to come and pass. My last one was in the states, the one before that was in Iraq. Alot has happened in the last year.

I look back and I find my self reflecting upon the events that have unfolded. Man o man, is it a hell of a lot of ****.

I had the biggest depression of my life hit me. I am still feeling the aftermath of it in portions of my life. I say biggest depression, but it was really, probably my first real depression. My life up until then had been pretty ordinary, minus the trip to a war zone the year prior. So the first thing to really hit me with such intensty really knocked me on my ass and it took me a long long time to stand back up. Hence why i was gone from here for so long. I couldn't help myself, so I didnt think that anyone else could fix what was wrong. I hid myself in things like music, food, and the crack addition of world of warcraft. I cut off connections to almost everyone I cared about. I actually, found sancutary in my next door neighbor. He was the wise old man that everyone has living next to them at one point in their life. Any way he gave me some solid advice that I didnt want to listen to, but ended up listening to.

I had a daughter. An amazing child that pulls at every string that holds my heart together. She is all i ever think about. I have always wanted a child, and when she came into my life things just seemed to fall into place kind of. I have always felt a special love around my cousins and my neice, and when Avery came into the picture, that Love was compounded into magitudes I didnt know were mathmaticaly possible.

My father is slowly slipping further into deminta and I am scared to the deepest depths of my soul that he will forget who I am. My father and mines relationship is an odd one. But it is a very strong one. I can't imagine the day I lose him. I know its going to happen sooner then I want.

I have been deployed to Iraq once again. I have seen things that no one should ever have to see. This past year has been a ball of mixed up, unseen emotions. A roller coaster of things I never thought were possible and yet they still happened...

Life is funny like that.

Heres to another year...

Cheerz

...and here is wishing you a great year to come, Seed. We cannot undo
the past, but we can embrace today, and look forward to a much brighter
future. All the best to you!

So it has been my day off today. I have sat in my room, the nice comforts of the AC and watched movies.

I have chatted with friends on various messengers, and done my best to catch up on all things not Iraq. I have done a lot of thinking about things that have happened. I have come to some conclusions about things.

1. No matter how hard I tried, I could never have saved him. It was just his time. I think he knew that, and thats why he wasn't freaking out.

2. Things are so much more harder when it's personal.

3. My daughter looks just like me, and if I had been born a woman, I would have been hot.

4. That there are a lot of people on this website that I consider good friends, but until recently realized that I was considered the same to them.

5. The army has been good to me. That even though it has put me through hell, it has made me the man I am today and I am proud of that image I see reflecting back from the mirror.

6. No matter how much I try, I will always be childish. I don't know why, but it's part of me. And Im ok with that.

7. My purpose in life has shifted, from looking out for myself, to making sure my daughter has the best life I can give her.

8. That this site is full of people who are willing to bend over back wards and help me, give me advice and just be there to listen.

9. That I need to be more greatful for the things I have, and not wish for more then I need.

I think that life throws you curve balls because you curve the space around you. Meaning that you are the one that changes things, not life. The curve ball is only trying to catch up with the drastic changes you have made in life. Its up to you to hit the ball. And wither you hit a looper to center and get on base, or if you knock it out of the park, its all up to you. It's all in how you keep your eye on the ball. Because if you watch that ball and you see where it is going, there is no way you can mess things up. Its when you take your eye off that ball that things screw up.

I will make it home, I will make life give me the most I can get out of it. I will not let Iraq or anything else beat me.

I like this. You keep the promise. We want you safe back on the home turf.