GIRL COOTIES

*shakes head*

I don't have the heart to tell ya...

Come on, Buddy . . . ya can't leave me hangin' like that ! ! !

are those boobies i see?

Oh man . . . you guys are killin' me here . . . oh, the cruelty ! ! !

If you could taste lipstick, then yes.

He had those before the glass incident.

Let's just say that tomorrow, you'll be sipping chamomile tea, and it won't even seem strange to you...


Somewhere down the road, you'll be doing a little light dusting, and the sunflowers on your apron will remind you of Joni Mitchell.


Fear the cootie.

When all is said and done, Set, you'll wish you'd washed the dishes.

Re: GIRL COOTIES


The real test will come after the 48 hour incubation period. If you find yourself drawn to looking at sales flyers from Bed, Bath & Beyond or Linens 'n Things get thee to an ER stat!

Oh! I forgot to tell you that I borrowed you toothbrush.














Okay, okay. And I licked your phone.

I would say that next time you might want to check the cabinet for another clean glass but unfortunately there is no antidote now.

I am sure that you will be missed.

CdK is right . . . right as rain . . . you wimmins is just plain evil . . .

You are about to experience a wondrous transformation.

I watched while Setanta washed a glass for me.

He scowled, but he washed it.

And he didn't spit in it.

I was watching.

~~~

I've been trying to get him to wear one of the frilly aprons for at least six years. If this doesn't work, I don't know what will.

Does he look particularly good in frills?

I think I have to wait til after midnight to find out if the whole cootie thing works.



~~~~



He hasn't asked to see the flyers yet.

I'll help save ya But you have to WANT to get better.

Immediatly go to a your shed. Sprinkle yourself in fresh sawdust and get under your car. Drain the sump. Ensure you spill some on your hands.

Refill with new oil purchased from a hardware store.

Re-enter the domicile and immediately but politely request the lady of the house get you a beer, open drapes with oil stained hands. Yell "hurry up with that beer" to your bride. Plonk down in front of TV, using the remote change the chanel from whatever she was watching to any (or all) of the following Motor sport, bass fishing, fishing (other), football, baseball, Porn. do not repeat DO NOT select Gilmour Girls or mcleods daughters. this will undo all our perviouse good work.

This should be enough to cure you of girl cooties.

Stanta In order to assess your cootinesss, I am here posting a quiz for you. Now its a bit of a problem that you are a furriner and certain sections may not apply (eg question 5) but I'm sure you will get the picture.

By the way it may help to support you in this dire time of need to download THE CODE OF CODUCT.

Appendix B (of THE CODE)

Blokeness Quotient:

It is a given that a bloke knows he is a bloke. Anyone who doubts his own blokeness is, by definition, not a bloke. He may be a chap, a fellow etc, and he may be a perfectly decent example of one of those species but he's not a bloke.
However, there are degrees of blokeness. Measured tightly within very fine margins, it is possible to determine the degree of a bloke's blokeness.
To that end, the following scientifically-designed quiz will help any bloke to measure his own blokeness quotient.
It is recommended that a bloke takes the quiz alone and in private. Upon achieving a successful result, it is permissible for a bloke to give voice to a muted yell of triumph followed by a celebratory blokely drink. In circumstances of a less than successful result ……well, that's not going to happen, is it?
The Blokeness Quotient Quiz:

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.
You decide to:

a. Present it to the Prime Minister.
b. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
c. Take it apart.


2. As you grow older, what is it about your lost youth that you miss the most?

a. Innocence.
b. Idealism.
c. Those little fart machines made out of cardboard, metal washers & elastic bands.


3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
b. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.)
c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.


4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

a. A cat.
b. A dog.
c. A dog that eats cats.


5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy - you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers - when suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, she tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
c. That you cannot believe Mick Malthouse burst into tears at the end of the Grand Final in 2003.

6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her. How do you tell her?

a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
c. Tell her what?


7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school.
Your first question to her is:

a. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
b. "They're in school already?"
c. "There are three of them?"


8. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

a. He was being tested.
b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
c. He refused to ask directions.


9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

a. Democracy.
b. Religion.
c. Beer.


Give yourself points for each answer as follows:-

a = 1, b = 2, c = 3.


Ratings:-

24 - 27 points: Maaate!
15 - 23 points: You need to take a long hard look at yourself, son!
9 - 14 points: Poofter!