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Thu 14 Nov, 2002 10:11 am
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
Intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman, who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside
them in the police line, shouting "Please Come out and give yourself
up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, where
the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man in the lineup to repeat the words "Give me all your money or I'll
shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!".
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb
and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his
hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. AND THE GRAND FINALE.................
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour
east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having
problems. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand
new 22 ft going properly.
It was very sluggish in almost every
maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of
trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone
there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed
everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the
outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So,
one of the marina guys jumped into the water to check underneath, he
came up choking on water, because he was laughing so hard. NOW
REMEMBER. THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in
place, was the trailer...
Okay, I'd wouldn't believe most of these things except that
1) I know Modesto, CA;
2) I know the CA high desert;
and 3) I once knew a guy (the boyfriend of the unbelievably trashy folks in the apartment next door to my maybe-a-little-trashy-at-the-time girlfriend) who robbed a Foster's Freeze with a plunger. First of all, the plunger-in-the-jacket gambit has got to be a little dicey. Second, the Foster's Freeze was about two blocks away from the apartment, he was a regular customer, and he made no effort to disguise himself. Third, WHO THE HELL ROBS A FOSTER'S FREEZE? "Gimme everything in the soft serve machine..."
Good list there, Firebird.
<snicker> These are great!
Excellent fun Phoenix.I laughed out loud at 3 and 4.
The guy worked the counter!!!!Fantastic.
I have one from Copenhagen:
A guy robs a post office.Police are called.They find him almost immediately in the bar across the street buying drinks for everybody.
Read this;
www.darwinawards.com they got even more of the same, categorized in Confirmed, Non-Confirmed, and Urban Myths.
I like the one about the guy who wanted rob a gun-shop... First he had to pass a policecar, then he came into the shop, where two policeofficers were having their break, and three other customers, trying out new guns, plus an armed gunshop-owner behind the counter!
bigdice67- I love the Darwin Awards.
I have a friend who is a police officer in Indianapolis,and I know this happened.
After my friend got off duty,she joined some other officers at a local bar to have a beer and unwind.The bar was full of off duty cops.
Two guys walked in and ordered a couple of beers.After drinking them,they proceeded to try to rob the bar.
There were 20 off duty cops in the bar.Wanna bet they didnt get very far?
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