One "Perfect" Day

Very truthful article.



Moreover, it is likely to be a subject of argument later on when they are bitching about being short $30 grand.

Chai--

I couldn't agree more. I'm reminded of the '50's, pre-Woman's Lib where the middle class boys went to college and the middle class girls had Beautiful Weddings.

Once again, the barbarians are at the gates.

I agree.

And am very curious what A2K peeps did for their weddings.

Ok, mushies...I'll go first.

1st marriage - Ended up buying a beige/off white monther of the bride suit, since it wasn't a big affair, he wore a suit....went to the judge with the ex, his mother, and 2 of his sisters, and got married. Went to an early supper. If I had to do it over (well, I wouldn't have gotten married to him ) I would have skipped the suit, since the entire day was a let down. Not because of how it was done, but because I ended up being married to this particular person.

2nd marriage - found some minister of I don't even know what religion that was willing to perform the ceremony on a January 1st. Wore a navy and white dress, which I subsequently wore to work quite a few times. He wore a suit. Met my sister, brother in law and their toddler at this church and got married. We had to stop the proceedings at one point to admire a bug my niece had found. Then, went to Denny's and ate breakfast. The entire day was wonderful because I ended up being married to this particular person, and still am.



I guess what irks me is this feeling by young brides that somehow everyone is just on the edge of their seats and cannot wait to go to their weddings, and will remember and talk about it for years to come.

In reality....you get invited to a wedding, you go, spend a few hours eating and dancing for a while, then go home. Within the week, no one's even thinking about it anymore.

And what about the bride and groom? She's stressed because something may go wrong to "ruin" "her" perfect day. Guess what? Something always goes wrong.

It's true I suppose what the article said. You keep hearing these marketing people telling you a wedding is "supposed" to cost $25,000, so you expect it to cost $25,000.

I wish someone would lay 25K on me right about now.

Marriage has been on my mind and you guys are the only ones who are gonna hear about that for a while. Not getting married, of course, but to even be thinking about it without being horrified.

See, your second wedding sounds lovely to me Chai. The first one too, if it weren't for that particular person. Which of course is what makes ALL the difference and meaning to it.

The nicest wedding I ever went to was two friends of mine. They found a beautiful old church in the country (no cost), got a minister, had a few folks out there.
She bought a new dress that was simple and beautiful, and he bought a suit and new boots.
That was about all.
Her big family cooked the feast, everyone ate and drank and had fun, and then they left the next day for a short honeymoon.

They bought a house with the money they 'should' have used for a wedding.

You're right. No one thinks of those big weddings other than for the day, except maybe to comment on what a waste it is or how nuts the bride was!
And they are sooo stressful. I don't get it.

Old Wedding Ritual (which I followed faithfully for both marriages):

Give yourself one last look-see in the mirror.

Step away from the mirror and turn around.

Take off one shoe--and put it back on--to remind yourself that brides are not perfect, weddings are not perfect and marriages are not perfect.

What does the shoe represent, Noddy?

Stuh--

The Reality of Chaos--and the fact that the most beautiful bride is subject to the Vagaries of Fate.

I didn't have a big wedding either time. I'm with the rest of you. I can't imagine spending that much on one day.

First time: I married after two years of college. I was 19. The guy was 24 in chronological terms, but younger than me in many ways. I'd never had a bad relationship before, so I was sure I could "fix" this one. At any rate, we invited 50 or so to the ceremony plus reception at my parents' house. There was a gorgeous formal staircase and a stone fireplace that suited the occasion. My sister (an accomplished musician even at that age) played the piano. My parents paid for the flowers, cake and rented glasses, plates, etc. for the reception in their formal dining room. I made my dress of ivory and gold brocade with an ivory satin jacket. The Jerk bought a new golden-brown suit. No attendants. It was 1974. Alternative weddings were "in." Our huge, fluffy orange tomcat ruled the festivities parading around in a cream colored tie with a gold tie tack. The biggest expense my parents incurred was repairing their A/C the day before the wedding. It was July...100+ degrees...so they would have had to do it wedding or no wedding. After the ceremony, we left for California where he had 10 weeks of job training. We went to Disneyland the weekend we arrived and called it a honeymoon.

Five years later, the dress was ceremoniously placed on the top of a large pile of garbage in a dumpster. I was into high drama and symbolic gestures those days.

Second time: It was 1983. I was 28, Hubby was 30. It was a second marriage for both of us, and we had firm ideas on how we wanted to spend our money. We invited my brother, my sister and a couple we knew. The six of us went to a quaint little wedding chapel here in town. Wedding: 30 minutes, $50 including Polaroid photo. The chapel was a classic early '20s bungalow, painted pink and white. I bought a new white linen suit and peach silk jacquard blouse. Hubby bought a new light gray suit. I wore a single gardenia, he wore a white rose. We had a centerpiece made of gardenias and white roses for the wedding dinner, which was held at a great restaurant. A special cake with peach-colored fondant icing and peach-colored champagne were served. We were there for about 2 hours. Dinner: 2 hours, $250. For the honeymoon, we went all out. We went to the Caribbean for two weeks...a one-week cruise along with a week's stay in Barbados. Honeymoon: 14 days, $6,000 and worth every penny.

Yes..but my question is, how does taking your show off symbolize that

Wow Eva, that sounds absolutley super.

See, really nice but not out of hand.

I'm not sure of all the particulars, but I think I like this idea of what they're calling "destination weddings". If you were planning on a honeymoon anyway, it kills 2 birds with one stone.

That way, you don't feel obligated to invite a lot of people and go through all that expense, but close friends and family might be there if they really wanted to. If I was going to do something like that today, I think I'd budget for plane tickets for maybe 10 plane tickets (outside of parents and the bride and groom and ask my guests if they'd mind just paying for a hotel room for that night in lieu of gifts. Then just dinner at a nice restaurant.

My weddings were the inverse of Eva's, although the chronology was about the same in terms of dates and ages.

First wedding -- June, 1975. I was 19 he was 24 (in years only). There were five of us present, including the Justice of the Peace. Dinner for four at the local Holiday Inn followed by one night at the hotel. I went back to work the following Monday. Divorced 12 years later. Total cost -- not much.

Second wedding -- May, 1989. I was 33 he was 28. We rented a small estate home that has been gifted to a nearby forest preserve and may be reserved for such events. There were 75 guests, a string quartet that played from before the ceremony through the end of the catered dinner, an open bar, a DJ, flowers, cake, and a photographer. Our honeymoon was 7 nights at the Golden Lemon Resort on St. Kitts. Total cost -- about $8000, spent mostly for the honeymoon. MIL paid for the flowers as her wedding gift to us. Mr B and I paid the rest.

Stuh--

In this tradition, a symbol doesn't "mean", it is. Read Cinderella if you need footnotes.

So you're saying the shoe represents Cinderella's shoe, and taking it off symbolizes reverting to one's true self, in recognition that the transformation into a beautiful princess for one night is only superficial. Why didn't you just say so?

Why didn't I say so? Because it is screamingly obvious.

I've been thinking about this too, it's the time of year for it I guess...

I've been involved (directly or peripherally) in two major destination weddings, which were very different from each other. The first was entirely financed by the bride's mother -- she had a lot of money but was nouveau riche and wanted to catapult herself into Society. So she arranged this whole wedding at a castle (a real castle, ancient but with renovated rooms) in England, peacocks strutting around, you get the idea. The wedding party was put up in the castle (E.G. was in the wedding party, I was a tagalong). Airfare was paid for. For everyone. Some 200 people, I forget. (Is that right? I think that's right. It was a while ago.)

So, almost all of those guests were the Society types that mom-of-the-bride wanted to impress. Then there was this small contingent of younger people, members of the wedding party and their spouses, kind of clinging together for sanity amidst the spectacle.

The bride wasn't the impetus though, she was just going along with what her mom wanted. She wasn't against it enough to veto the idea, but she would have been fine with something more modest.

The whole thing was amazing. At that scale it wasn't just the wedding, of course. Started with a dinner in London, then chartered buses out to the castle, then activities at the castle and in the countryside, then the actual wedding, then the reception... it was at least 3 days total.

It was actually a really fun experience, though, especially from within the protective "can you buh-LEEVE this???" embrace of the wedding party folks (we all bonded pretty quickly). Plus, I mean, free trip to England to stay in a castle!

E.G. recently got back from the other, another destination wedding, this time in Hawaii. WAY elaborate. This time it emanated from the couple themselves, and so was more personal and nicer that way, but still, the expense! Oy! This time guests weren't flown in -- they had to pay airfare and hotel, about 80 of them I think. Again it was a whole slate of activities, including a whole day of rehearsal (!) for the very elaborate wedding. The bride is a professional dancer and the wedding party had to participate in this big dance, there were speeches from a bunch of people, and everything was in two languages, and two religions, and just whoa!!

The whole thing had to have cost big, big bucks. Not just all of that stuff but like the favors were these custom-made crystal paperweights that had figures of the bride and groom in it -- not, like, a generic bride and groom, but THEM. (Recognizably.)

On the one hand it sounds like it was an amazing experience for everyone involved, and what a way to kick off a marriage, you know? I was trying to figure out if it would bother me if they can afford it and want to do it. (They're both pretty established, early 40's). It's the going into debt part that really, really bothers me.

Our wedding (mine and E.G.'s) was much smaller than most but wasn't tiny. We were poor as heck and cut corners all over the place -- I made my dress out of two kinds of (ivory) silk that were on sale for 90% off, I candied my own pansies for the wedding cake, I made the invitations, etc., etc. A justice of the peace officiated, got married in a park building (a gorgeous one). The guests were important though, there were a bit over 100 of them and that was one of the best parts of the day for me, looking out over all of those loved faces beaming at me, the juxtapositions. Got a great photo of all four of our grandmas (sozlet's 4 great-grandmothers) together, shortly before two of them died. Etc., etc.

It was crazy, especially all the preparation, but it was a lot of fun.

I was 25, E.G. was 27.

heh....going to that wedding in England would've been the biggest trip I've ever made, not even considering the wedding.

If someone's got the bucks to toss around, like that girl's mother, or if they are already established, the the Hawaii couple, that different.

It didn't put either into debt, and the 2nd one seems within reason for 2 people who have good careers and have the money already.

That said, I personally don't have any use for all these gifts that go to guests and the bridal party. Crystal paperweights? That's silly.

I don't know if it's a tradition in all places, but I can remember when I was a little girl and going to relatives weddings, a custom the bride went through.

After the dinner, when the dancing started, the bride had a special satin drawstring purse/pouch she would carry with her while dancing with everyone and visiting tables.



Uncles, Aunts, cousins would all slip envelopes into the bag while dancing with her or while giving her a hug and kiss when she came around to your table. I really don't remember brides being registered anywhere. Again, that's all very nice, but if I'm going to get a gift, I'd prefer cash.

Sounds very familiar, JPB!

When I met you last year in Chicago, I had the definite impression that if we lived in the same town, we would be good friends. Now I know why. Similar life experiences lead to similar viewpoints.

No doubt in my mind, Eva.