My Neighbour Plan 2007

Giant sunflowers AND corn in rows behind 'em, to hold 'em up when the flowers get heavy.

The sunflowers I got are ones where the stalks are very strong and won't need support. I did a bit of research on them before I got them from Vesseys and I can't wait to get them planted.

These grow to be 10ft tall with the flowers being a ft across

Did you even consider my idea of using a catapult to throw huge amounts of horse manure into their yard and onto their windows?


Joe(you could just toss the stuff yourself. You know, late at night)Nation

I gave it some serious thought Joe, but he's got a gun, is quite on the tipsy side most of the time, so I didn't want to take any chances.

It was a great suggestion though and if it weren't for the bullets and the booze factor, I'd be all over your idea.

I can honestly say that I've never met two people in my life who screamed for as much attention as these two do.

By hearing me talk, you'd think our houses are attached together, but I couldn't even hit their house by throwing a rock from here. I can't remember once in the 7 years we've been here that they didn't come outside every time we do, unless of course when they're not home.

We bought a nice big house with 5 acres of land so that we could have some privacy and I'm not joking when I say that I felt I had more privacy when I lived in the city than I do here.

Of course I have to try to keep peace, so it'll cost me a good $3,000 for the fences I need to build to keep their noses out of my damn business! It really ticks me off that they could be so rude and I'd love the pleasure of dumping a truck load of chicken **** right on their front lawn.

And if he doesn't stop looking at my ass, I'm gonna tell him to kiss it one day!

Ok, I'll stop rambling now

Sorry, Montana, but could you fill me in? (Briefly, of course!) What have these nosey, inconsiderate neighbours done to get up your nose?
(BTW I have some, too! Perhaps I can adopt some of the strategies presented here?)

Back later ....

Ok, here's the scoop. My nosey neighbours are my moms cousin and his wife. Since we didn't really know them much when we moved here, we thought everything would be great, since their house wasn't close like they are in the city. I'd say their house is about a football field away.

As we were moving in, moms cousin and his wife (we'll call them John & Jane) came over to welcome us, which I thought was very nice and all that.

Then Jane started showing up at the door daily and during those visits she asked all kinds of personal questions that are totally none of her business. Before we moved here, my mother and I had never even met Jane and I had never met John and here she is all up in our business.
I like my privacy very much, so I have a huge problem with this, but I keep my mouth shut for the sake of not embarrassing my mother.

Anyway, my mother and I can't even go sit on the front porch, work in the yard, have company outside, etc without them coming to see what we're doing.

If I'm digging a new garden outside, I won't be out there 5 minutes before Jane either comes over to see what I'm doing or she simply yells to me across the 2 yards.
Something posses them to come outside everytime we go outside, so they can see what we're doing.

I could go on and on, but it's long and boring, even for me.

John has mowed his lawn every day this week in the same spot closest to where I was working so he could continue to look at my ass, which I tend to keep in their direction after I got tired of him looking down my shirt when I was bent over weeding in my garden.

Yes, John is my mothers cousin and is about 6 years older than my mother, but this is New Brunswick after all

Too bad bamboo doesn't grow so well there. It would be great.

Oh Edgar, I love bamboo and I very much wish we could grow it!

I'm just going to throw some things in here as I think about them, so maybe it'll be a way to help me vent.

Jane will see a car or cars in our driveway, she comes over to see who's here.

If I'm cooking on the BBQ, she wants to know what I'm cooking.

Working in my garden, she needs to know what I'm planting this years then tells me to come over and see her flowers. Hello!!!!! I was obviously working in my vegetable garden, mindind my own business on a tiny chunk of our 5 whole acres of land <if I don't laugh, I'll cry>

we were feeding a few stray cats along with another neighbour and Jane complained because the cats were shitting in OUR yard and THEIR dog was coming on OUR property to eat the cat ****, all the while their dog had been using our property as one of it's favorite pissing/shitting spots

I continue to keep my mouth shut because of stupid family ****, and at the same time I continue to brew.

Hmm. This calls for a little extra creativity. You need an idea that is repulsive AND cheap.

Okay, if you want a few good laughs too, you could always "out-crazy" them.

If they show up on your doorstep five times a day, start showing up at their door 15 times a day. Park your car in their driveway and leave it there. When they ask you to move it so they can leave, apologize and agree to do it, but tell them you've misplaced your keys.

If they ask what you're doing, tell them you've started doing inhalants and you need a place to store a few cases of aerosol cans...like their garage or storage building...because your place is full.

If they ask nosy questions, ask them about their sex lives. (Note: Only do this when the couple is together.) Tell them the reason you're interested is because you haven't had sex since you found out you're HIV positive, so at least you can enjoy it vicariously.

They're related?! Hot damn! Tell them you have some sort of inherited disease. Tell them your mom is in denial.

Tell them that since you can't find work, and you love animals, that you've decided to start your own business. Tell them you're going to start an animal sanctuary on your property for unwanted exotic pets. Say you're starting with snakes 'cause boa constrictors are quiet and they need lots of room to roam.

Need more ideas? Just ask....

uhoh..... and the bad side of rurality is evident in M's neighbors.

I like the sunflower idea!

Eva, I nearly fell of my chair laughing out loud!!! You're a hoot!

Thanks so much for the laugh. I really needed that

Yeah, mom and I laugh about it and talk about how thrilled we're going to be as the plants get higher and higher

So, when are you going to tell them about the exotic animal sanctuary?

Hey, here's an even better one. Guaranteed to drive them batty.
Tell them outrageous stories...but tell John and Jane different versions.

Oh, the exotic animal sanctuary That one made me laugh the loudest


If I tell them stories, they're going to tell everyone else and then everyone will think we're crazy
Personally, I could care less what people think, but my mom would be quite embarrassed. Damn! I would actually do some of this stuff too, if were just me

No! No! You don't get it!

If they repeat the stories, you act incredulous and deny saying any of it. They'll look like idiots, especially if you told them different versions.

Oh, that's a good one



You're good!

I love those ideas...especially the story telling stuff!! But have you ever tried just being honest, going over there and very clearly letting them know that its really important to you and yours to have privacy, and that when you garden you love the quiet time, though its sweet of her to think you may like company you'd acually prefer it if they would not come over un-invited. Thats her...now when the man looks at your ass I would say "It makes me uncomfortable when you stare at me, please stop it." And walk away. Let him think about it. Because he probably won't bitch to his wife about that one...
I know it may sound difficult to do that, but there's still just the other side of the sunflowers, and there's still the yelling across the yard (!?!), and the ass ogling; in my experience honesty works on two levels. It empowers you, and scares them away.
This is spoken by a woman who has done this with a few annoying neighbors and now wouldn't mind having someone to borrow an egg from!!