1
   

I never read them

 
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 07:53 am
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
boomerang wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
Letty wrote:
quotes within quotes within quotes within quotes. Hate that as well.


I hear you, Letty


Bugs the hell out of me.


Why can't people just respond in a different manner?


But I do understand what you are saying.


****.... I'm stuck.


SHUT UP!


I wonder if we can get this thing as big as a house?

Thanks, Boomer. I needed that.
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 07:54 am
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
boomerang wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
Letty wrote:
quotes within quotes within quotes within quotes. Hate that as well.


I hear you, Letty


Bugs the hell out of me.


Why can't people just respond in a different manner?


But I do understand what you are saying.


****.... I'm stuck.


SHUT UP!


I wonder if we can get this thing as big as a house?

Thanks, Boomer. I needed that.



I screwed up on the last one. It ended up in the wrong location. I am having a great deal of fun here.
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 07:56 am
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
boomerang wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
Letty wrote:
quotes within quotes within quotes within quotes. Hate that as well.


I hear you, Letty


Bugs the hell out of me.


Why can't people just respond in a different manner?


But I do understand what you are saying.


****.... I'm stuck.


SHUT UP!


I wonder if we can get this thing as big as a house?

Thanks, Boomer. I needed that.


I'm going to keep doing this untl Letty's original statement looks like some teeny words at the far end of a tunnel.
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 07:56 am
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
boomerang wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
Letty wrote:
quotes within quotes within quotes within quotes. Hate that as well.


I hear you, Letty


Bugs the hell out of me.


Why can't people just respond in a different manner?


But I do understand what you are saying.


****.... I'm stuck.


SHUT UP!


I wonder if we can get this thing as big as a house?

Thanks, Boomer. I needed that.


I'm going to keep doing this untl Letty's original statement looks like some teeny words at the far end of a tunnel.


Am I the first to try this?
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 07:58 am
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
boomerang wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
Letty wrote:
quotes within quotes within quotes within quotes. Hate that as well.


I hear you, Letty


Bugs the hell out of me.


Why can't people just respond in a different manner?


But I do understand what you are saying.


****.... I'm stuck.


SHUT UP!


I wonder if we can get this thing as big as a house?

Thanks, Boomer. I needed that.


I'm going to keep doing this untl Letty's original statement looks like some teeny words at the far end of a tunnel.


Am I the first to try this?


I'll continue this later.
0 Replies
 
Tico
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 07:58 am
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
boomerang wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
Letty wrote:
quotes within quotes within quotes within quotes. Hate that as well.


I hear you, Letty


Bugs the hell out of me.


Why can't people just respond in a different manner?


But I do understand what you are saying.


****.... I'm stuck.


SHUT UP!


I wonder if we can get this thing as big as a house?

Thanks, Boomer. I needed that.


I'm going to keep doing this untl Letty's original statement looks like some teeny words at the far end of a tunnel.


Am I the first to try this?

no
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 07:59 am
Tico wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
boomerang wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
Letty wrote:
quotes within quotes within quotes within quotes. Hate that as well.


I hear you, Letty


Bugs the hell out of me.


Why can't people just respond in a different manner?


But I do understand what you are saying.


****.... I'm stuck.


SHUT UP!


I wonder if we can get this thing as big as a house?

Thanks, Boomer. I needed that.


I'm going to keep doing this untl Letty's original statement looks like some teeny words at the far end of a tunnel.


Am I the first to try this?





no


Please explain, tico.
0 Replies
 
Tico
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 08:04 am
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
Tico wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
boomerang wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
Letty wrote:
quotes within quotes within quotes within quotes. Hate that as well.


I hear you, Letty


Bugs the hell out of me.


Why can't people just respond in a different manner?


But I do understand what you are saying.


****.... I'm stuck.


SHUT UP!


I wonder if we can get this thing as big as a house?

Thanks, Boomer. I needed that.


I'm going to keep doing this untl Letty's original statement looks like some teeny words at the far end of a tunnel.


Am I the first to try this?





no


Please explain, tico.

I forget who it was, or which thread (maybe something in the Test Forum) but trust me, Gus, you are not original. Alas.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 08:08 am
It was Set
0 Replies
 
Letty
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 08:12 am
disestablishmentarinism. Is that the way to spell it?

I hate quotes. Tell me what you know.
0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 08:14 am
Speech recognition is the process by which an acoustic signal received by a transducive element is converted to a set of text words, numbers, or symbols by a computer. These recognized words may then be used in a variety of computer program applications for purposes such as document preparation, data entry, and command and control. Improvements to speech recognition systems provide an important way to enhance user productivity.

For example, users can control various aspects of a voice enabled system through the use of natural commands. Natural commands are spoken phrases mirroring natural human speech which can be translated into a command that is recognizable by a computer program. Voice enabled systems typically provide users with several alternative natural commands for initiating a single function. Such functionally equivalent natural commands offer users a variety of differing phrases for accomplishing the same task, thereby allowing a user to select a phrase which is preferred by that user.

Conventional speech recognition systems can use a natural command grammar to specify a list of acceptable phrases for initiating a particular function. The natural command grammar can be specified as a word list which later must be processed to translate portions of the grammar into a command which can be recognized by a voice enabled computer program. Another type of grammar can be an annotated grammar which also must be processed to determine a recognizable command. An annotated grammar, however, can contain annotations to aid in the translation processing. Still, the natural command grammar can be a Backus-Naur Form (BNF) grammar already containing specified translation rules. Thus, any natural command which can be used to access a command within a voice enabled computer program must be specified within the natural command grammar.

Oftentimes, a user can be unaware of the particular natural command form for performing a given function in the voice enabled computer program. In such cases, rather than consulting a manual, the user typically utters a series of different possible command permutations until the speech recognition system recognizes a natural command form and initiates the user desired function. The natural command form stumbled upon by the user, however, is not always the most concise manner of expressing that particular natural command. Over time, as a user continues to use a particular voice enabled system, the user likely will want to become more efficient at using the system without having to read or memorize portions of a user's manual.

SUMMARY OF THE INVENTION

The invention disclosed herein concerns a method for providing concise forms of natural commands in a voice enabled system. In particular, the invention can receive a user specified command and present the user with one or more different, but functionally equivalent, natural command forms. A natural command grammar can be accessed and processed to identify each functional equivalent natural command form of the user specified command. Notably, functional equivalents of the user specified command can include any natural command in the natural command grammar, which when translated, produces the same command which is recognizable by the voice enabled system. Once the functional equivalents are identified, the lengths of each functional equivalent can be determined. The shortest or most concise functional equivalent or equivalents can be provided to the user for future reference.

One aspect of the present invention can include a method of providing a concise form of a natural command in a speech recognition system. The method can include receiving a user specified command and identifying all functionally equivalent natural command forms of the user specified command from a natural command grammar. The length of each functionally equivalent natural command form can be determined. The method further can include presenting a selected one of the functionally equivalent natural command forms having the shortest length to the user.

If a plurality of functionally equivalent natural command forms each have the shortest and equivalent length, the presenting step can include presenting a selected plurality of functionally equivalent natural command forms to the user. Alternatively, a selected one from a plurality of functionally equivalent natural command forms can be presented to the user. In any case, if the user specified command is a natural command, the functionally equivalent natural command forms can include the received user specified natural command form.

Another embodiment of the invention can include a method of providing a concise form of a natural command in a speech recognition system. The method can include receiving a user specified command and identifying all functionally equivalent natural command forms of the user specified command from a natural command grammar. The length of each functionally equivalent natural command form can be determined. Finally, the method can include presenting a selected at least one of the functionally equivalent natural command forms having the shortest length to the user.

BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF THE DRAWINGS

There are presently shown in the drawings embodiments of which are presently preferred, it being understood, however, that the invention is not so limited to the precise arrangements and instrumentalities shown, wherein:

FIG. 1 is a schematic diagram of an exemplary computer system on which the invention can be used.

FIG. 2 is a schematic diagram depicting an exemplary architecture for speech recognition.

FIG. 3 is a flow chart illustrating an exemplary method of providing concise forms of natural commands.

DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF THE INVENTION

The invention disclosed herein concerns a method for providing concise forms of natural commands in a voice enabled system. In particular, the invention can determine one or more concise natural command forms which can be functionally equivalent to a user specified command. Notably, the user specified command need not be a speech command. Rather, the user specified command can be initiated by any means such as a keyboard or a pointer. Thus, the invention can identify the most concise or shortest natural command form or forms corresponding to a received command as specified in a natural command grammar regardless of the means used to initiate the received command.

The natural command grammar can specify all natural command forms which can be accepted by the speech recognition system. Accordingly, each natural command form which is an acceptable functional equivalent of the user specified command is also specified within the natural command grammar. A functional equivalent of the user specified command can include any natural command in the natural command grammar, which when translated, produces the same command which can be recognize by a voice enabled computer program (hereafter referred to as "program recognizable commands"). Examples of functional equivalents can include any other natural commands which when translated produce the program recognizable command "topfile". For instance, in the case of a voice enabled text processor, the natural command form "go to the top of the document" can be translated into the command "topfile" which causes the text processor to display the beginning of a document.

It should be appreciated that the program recognizable commands can be specified by a voice enabled computer program and can be published such that the voice enabled computer program can interact with a speech recognition system. Moreover, each voice enabled computer program can utilize an independent set of translation rules for correlating natural command forms to program recognizable commands. Notably, once the functional equivalent natural command forms have been identified, the lengths of each functional equivalent natural command form can be determined. The shortest functional equivalent or equivalents can be provided to the user for future reference.

FIG. 1 depicts a typical computer system 100 for use in conjunction with the present invention. The system can include a computer 105 including a central processing unit 110 (CPU), one or more memory devices 115, and associated circuitry. The memory devices 115 can be comprised of an electronic random access memory and a bulk data storage medium. The system also can include a microphone 120 operatively connected to the computer system through suitable interface circuitry 125, and an optional user interface display unit 130 such as a video data terminal operatively connected thereto. The CPU can be comprised of any suitable microprocessor or other electronic processing unit, as is well known to those skilled in the art. Speakers 135 and 140, as well as an interface device, such as mouse 145, and keyboard 150, can be provided with the system, but are not necessary for operation of the invention as described herein. The various hardware requirements for the computer system as described herein can generally be satisfied by any one of many commercially available high speed computers.

FIG. 2 is a schematic diagram 200 illustrating a typical architecture for a speech recognition system in computer 100. As shown in FIG. 2, within the memory 115 of computer system 100 can be an operating system 210 and a speech recognition engine 230. Also included can be a natural language understanding (NLU) system 240, a voice navigator program 250, and a speech text processor 260. The invention, however, is not limited in this regard and the speech recognition engine 230 can be used with any other application program which is to be voice enabled. In FIG. 2, the speech recognition engine 230, the NLU system 240, the voice navigator program 250, and the speech text processor 260 are shown as separate application programs. It should be noted however that the invention is not limited in this regard, and these various application programs can be implemented as a single, more complex application program. For example the speech recognition engine 230 can be combined with the NLU system 240 or speech text processor 260 or with any other program to be used in conjunction with the speech recognition engine 230. Also, if no other speech controlled application programs are to be operated in conjunction with the speech text processor 260 and speech recognition engine 230, the system can be modified to operate without the voice navigator program 250. The voice navigator program 250 primarily helps coordinate the operation of the speech recognition engine 230.

The NLU system 240 enables a computer to understand and extract information from human written or spoken language. The NLU system 240 can function in a complimentary manner with the speech recognition engine 230 where there exists a need to understand human language such as in the case of command and control.

NLU systems can extract relevant information contained within text and then supply this information to another computer program or system. NLU system 240 can include a natural command grammar 245 which can specify the complete list of acceptable natural language phrases corresponding to program recognizable commands. As previously mentioned, the natural command grammar can be a Backus-Naur Form grammar containing translation rules, a list of acceptable phrases which can be parsed at a later time to determine translation rules, or an annotated grammar wherein the annotations can aid a parser in determining the translation rules.

The aforementioned components can be realized in a centralized fashion within the computer system 100. Alternatively, the aforementioned components can be realized in a distributed fashion where different elements are spread across several interconnected computer systems. In any case, the components can be realized in hardware, software, or a combination of hardware and software. Any kind of computer system, or other apparatus adapted for carrying out the methods described herein is suited. The system as disclosed herein can be implemented by a programmer, using commercially available development tools for the particular operating system used.

Application program or computer program in the present context means any expression, in any language, code or notation, of a set of instructions intended to cause a system having an information processing capability to perform a particular function either directly or after either or both of the following a) conversion to another language, code, or notation; b) reproduction in a different material form.

In operation, audio signals representative of sound received in microphone 120 can be processed within computer 100 using conventional computer audio circuitry so as to be made available to the operating system 210 in digitized form. Alternatively, audio signals can be received via a computer communications network from another computer system in analog or digital format, or from another transducive device such as a telephone. The audio signals received by the computer system 100 are conventionally provided to the speech recognition engine 230 via the computer operating system 210 in order to perform speech recognition functions. As in conventional speech recognition systems, the audio signals can be processed by the speech recognition engine 230 to identify words spoken by a user into microphone 120. The NLU system 240 can analyze text representing user spoken utterances provided by the speech recognition system 230 to determine whether the text corresponds to a natural command within the natural command grammar 245. The voice navigation program 250 can coordinate the operation of the speech recognition engine 230, the NLU system 240, and the speech text processor 260 through the operating system 210.

FIG. 3 is a flow chart illustrating an exemplary method for providing concise forms of natural commands in a voice enabled system as performed by the exemplary speech recognition system of FIG. 2. The exemplary method can begin in a state where the speech recognition system is active and awaiting a user command. Notably, the user command can be a speech command, a keyboard command, a pointer command such as a mouse, touch-pad, or a stylus originated command. Regardless, of the type of command received, the invention can determine a concise functionally equivalent natural command form for the received user specified command. At step 310, a user specified command can be received.

In step 320, a translation rule can be determined for the received user specified command. If the user specified command is not a voice command, the translation of the natural command form to a program recognizable command need not be performed. Rather, the program recognizable command merely can be stored. If the user specified command is a speech command or a natural command, however, the natural command grammar can be consulted to determine the proper translation rule for the speech command. Using the translation rule, the corresponding program recognizable command can be determined. Subsequently, either the program recognizable command, or the translation rule if one is determined, or both can be stored.

Importantly, in one aspect of the invention, the program recognizable command and translation rule can be included within the natural command grammar. Alternatively, however, in a second aspect of the invention, such information can be excluded from the natural command grammar. As a result, additional parsing and processing of the grammar can be required to produce a translation rule and program recognizable command. After completion of step 320, the method can continue to step 330.

In step 330, the natural command grammar can be processed to determine functionally equivalent natural command forms for the received user specified command. In particular, the speech recognition system can process the grammar to determine each natural command phrase which yields the stored translation rule, or alternatively, the actual program recognizable command. Notably, the amount of processing can vary depending upon whether the grammar contains translation rules and program recognizable commands or additional programming must be included to parse the grammar and determine translation rules and program recognizable commands. After completion of step 330, the method can proceed to step 340.

In step 340, the length of each identified functionally equivalent natural command form can be determined. The length of a natural command form can be specified in a variety of formats, including, but not limited to, the number of characters, syllables, or words comprising the natural command form. After completion of step 340, the method can continue to step 350. In step 350, the most concise functionally equivalent natural command form can be selected for presentation to a user. Accordingly, the functionally equivalent natural command form having the shortest length, as determined by one of the aforementioned length measures, can be selected. If more than one functionally equivalent natural command form is identified as having the shortest length, wherein the lengths of the natural command forms are equivalent, the user can be presented with each one of the natural command forms.

In an alternative aspect of the invention, one of the plurality of functionally equivalent natural command forms can be presented. In that case, additional criteria can be utilized to select the single functionally equivalent natural command. For example, the most concise functionally equivalent natural command that most resembles the received natural command can be selected. This determination can be made through a comparison of the characters or syllables of the received user specified natural command and the plurality of functionally equivalent and most concise natural commands.

It should be appreciated that the method of the invention disclosed herein can be performed automatically or in response to a user request. For example, the user can access the invention through a designated command, whether a speech command or a non-speech command. In an alternative embodiment, the invention can automatically present a user with functional equivalents. In that case, the functional equivalents can be displayed in a portion of a graphical user interface (GUI) such as a status window, text box, status bar, or any other portion of a GUI. Still, the functional equivalents can be presented as audio using an audio playback system or text-to-speech technology.
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 08:14 am
antidisestablishmentarianism

within a quote within a quote within a quote etc.

I believe, too, that it was Set.
0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 08:19 am
too much floccinaucinihilipilification going on around here. I can't get no relief.
0 Replies
 
Letty
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 08:20 am
It was, Roberta. He is such a fundy wicker. Razz
0 Replies
 
Letty
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 08:23 am
Shouldn't that be anti-Dys-establishmentarianism?
0 Replies
 
Tico
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 08:25 am
Actually, there was one long post on here that I enjoyed so much that I copied it, unfortunately without attribution. I believe that it was from one of TimberlandKO's posts but that he copied it from someone else. Here it is, in all its glory:

Quote:
You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. I wager you couldn't empty a boot of excrement were the instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus.

And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have to us who think and reason? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh.

You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed , drooling meatslapper. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on.

This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half-baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective.

True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

You're an idiot. A moron of the highest order. You're so stupid it's a wonder and a pity you can remember to breath. Intelligent ideas bounce off your head as if it were coated with teflon. Creative thoughts take alternate transportation in order to avoid even being in the same state as you. If you had an original thought it would die of loneliness before the hour was out. On an intelligence scale of 1 to 10 (10 corresponding to the highest attainable IQ) you're rating is so far into negative numbers that one would need to travel into another quantum reality in order to even catch a distant glimpse of it.

Your personality is that of a rabid Chihuahua intent on destroying its own tail. Your powers of observation are akin to those of the bird that keeps slamming into the picture window trying to get that other bird it keeps seeing. You are walking, talking proof that you don't have to be sentient to survive, and that Barnum was thinking of you when he uttered his immortal phrase regarding the birth of a sucker. You are, at varying times, tedious, boring, and even occasionally earth shatteringly hilarious in your idiocy, routinely childish, moronic, pathetic, wretched, disgusting and pitiful.

You are wholly without any redeeming social grace or value. If God ever decides to give the planet an enema you'd better run like the wind because anywhere you stand is a suitable place for The Insertion. There is no animal so disgusting, so vile that it deserves comparison to you, for even the lowest, dirtiest, most parasitic member of the animal kingdom fills an ecological niche. You fill no niche. To call you a parasite would be injurious and defamatory to the thousands of honest parasitic species. You are worse than vermin, for vermin do not pretend to be what it is not. You are truly human garbage. You are a fraudulent, lying, predatory charlatan. You are of less worth than a burnt-out light bulb. You will forever live in shame.

You have nothing to say, and Godwin's Law does not apply when writing about you. You are the anti-Midas, for all that you touch becomes valueless and unusable. Mothers gather their children close when you appear. You are an aberration, a corruption, and a boil that needs to be lanced. You are a poison in need of being vomited. You are a tooth so rotten it infects the whole body. You are sperm that should have been captured in a condom and flushed down a toilet.

I don't like you. I don't like anybody who has as little respect for others as you do. Go away, you swine. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, and a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. Meaningful to no one, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts that sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I wretch at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, and the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell? Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a waste of flesh. On a good day you're a halfwit. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, study, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libellous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystrophic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, and socially-retarded.

Shut up and go away lest you achieve the physical retribution your behaviour merits.

Thank you for your kind attention to and expected cooperation in this matter.


A piece of art, that was. Very Happy
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 09:00 am
I've been looking for that one, Tico, to add to Timber's eulogy thread! Glad you found it.
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 09:25 am
Letty wrote:
Shouldn't that be anti-Dys-establishmentarianism?


Not unless you're being clever.

And what's a fundy wicker? I'm inclined to agree with you on general principle, Letty, but I'd rather know for sure, before I make a final judgment.

dys, You tease, you. Nothing gets my juices flowing like a dry-as-bones discourse on a new speech device.

BTW, Mr. Lexia, I looked up floccinaucinihilipilification, and I still don't know what you're talking about .
0 Replies
 
Chai
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 09:37 am
So does this mean no one ever reads my posts?
0 Replies
 
malek
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 May, 2007 09:38 am
Roberta wrote:


And what's a fundy wicker?


A fundy wicker is a type of witch who happens to be born on the day after faturday.
0 Replies
 
 

 
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