Mame wrote:Shite, BPB - where were you when I needed you? What a great idea. Have you always thought so far ahead of everyone?
I'm a geenyus... it's known far and wide....
I'm surprised you don't have a Dear BPB column ... have you given it any thought? I'm sure we would all benefit from it
I thought this was about revenge you wanted to take, but were too civilized to take it! I had an insane bridesmaid. Now this particular bridesmaid had been a friend of mine for years so something caused her to go loco.
She had been going to law school and had recently finished, passed the bar, etc. When she was going to law school she was very busy and would frequently cancel our get togethers, etc because things came up regarding school. I never once complained as I understood how important and difficult this was for her.
One time (and one time only), I canceled a get together with her. I called her and begged out explaining my high recent workload and all the crap I had to do regarding my up and coming wedding. She threw a fit over the phone saying how I never had time for anyone, blah, blah. I apologized but explained how the many times she canceled while attending law school and how I understand. Her response - but law school was important to me! Obviously my future marriage should be important to me and I told her so. She went on and on and said how she didn't think she could be in the wedding, she would eat the cost of the dress, etc. and finished with I can't talk about this now.
The next morning we get a call, my future FIL was killed in an accident. We flew across country immediately - I left my mom with all the info (I had to cancel my Bachelorette weekend). When I got home I called my friends including her. Instead of asking how is your fiancé, etc., she reamed into me about not telling her the weekend was canceled. I said - That's it! I no longer want to have anything to do with you. My SIL offered to take her place; I sent the bridesmaid dress to her.
One day she arrives outside my apartment and threatens me claiming I stole her dress (now who in their right mind wants a bridesmaid dress?) She stole my glasses off my face, and spit in my face.
I was told by another lawyer that I could press assault and battery charges - this is the revenge I would have like to take (especially considering she is a lawyer). One funny thing is that a friend of mine told me about seeing her in court once. He said she was horrible and the judge was yelling at her stuff.
She sounds deranged, Linkat, not to mention insensitive and self-absorbed. Good thing you dropped her.
I have a friend who cancelled our weekly tennis games all the time. This was irritating to me because I walked to and fro to work and had to carry my racquet and balls. So one day, I asked her, "What would you say to a really good friend who kept cancelling appointments with you?" She said, "I'd just come out and tell her." So I said, "Okay, I'm telling you." And we both laughed and she stopped doing it. Nowadays, I always say "tentatively" if I'm not sure I will feel like it or be able to make it.
Okay, now for a real revenge story:
We lived in a house on a corner across from a crack house. The a'holes over there had a visitor (or buyer, who knows?) who parked his truck right in front of my house. He parked it there and when he came out, it wouldn't start. He tried it for about a really irritating hour. Finally he left... the truck sat there, week after week. This was inconvenient for us because we had two vehicles and we had to carry our grocs in from around the corner. Anyway, the thing is, I owned my home and paid the taxes and this freak was just a loser, low-life who was buying drugs. After about 3 months, I got fed up. I called the City about this vehicle and their answer was that if it had insurance, it could park anywhere it wanted. However, if I wanted it moved from in front of my house (there's a two hour limit), I would have to stay home to watch that it didn't move and then call the City. They MIGHT have someone in the area who could ticket it, and they might not. How stupid. Chalk the tires, you idiots, and ticket the thing. Additionally, it would need tons of tickets before they'd tow it. I realized this was going to be up to me.
So... one day I called a tow truck from a gas station and said my truck had broken down. I asked them to tow it to a service station about 60 miles from where I lived. I then called the service station and said my truck was coming in, it didn't start, could they fix the ignition and pay the tow truck. No problem. When I got home, the truck was gone. Yay!!
About a month later, we were lying in bed and I heard these two yahoos outside... "Where's my f'ing truck?" "It was right here, I parked it right here" "You a'hole - where is it NOW????" "I parked it right here, it was here! I'm sure it was this street." and on that conversation went. I was laughing my head off, listening to them. My husband was scared they'd blow up our house, but they finally left.
The service station would have kept the truck as collateral and they had all the insurance information in the vehicle so they wouldn't have been out of pocket.
Lesson: Don't park your broken down piece of shite in front of my house for more than a couple of days.
Mame - your story reminded me of another car parking story. I think the parking thing must have something to do with owning vs. renting. A lot of time renters don't seem to get it that you want to be able to park in front of the house you own, and don't want to look out your window and see their car.
The house across the street from me is a rent house, fortunately over the years there's never been any troublemakers, like drugs or anything. Just a group of generic single guys living together.
A while back a white car one of them owned started getting parked in front of my house, even though no one was across the street. (and there's room to park at least 2 cars in front of each house. This car was parked smack dab in the middle so I couldn't park unless I was blocking my driveway, or taking up my neighbors rightful area. BTW, the driveways another story.
It was parked there one day for an overnight into the next day time period. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, so since I was never around to see these guys, I asked my husband if he saw him come out to ask him not to park there, and park in front of his own place.
When I came home the car was gone, and I asked Mr. Tea if he'd seen the guy. "yeah, I asked him why he was parking there too."
"and
"?
"He's a musician."
Okay, so picture about 30 seconds of me looking at Mr. Tea, waiting for him to continue.
He didn't.
Finally I said
.."and
"?
Huh?
What does the fact he's a musician have to do with him parking in front of our house? Is he going to keep parking in front of our house because he's a musician?
Mr. Tea
"no, he said he wouldn't park in front of the house anymore."
Me (warming to the pending argument) "But if he's a musician, how is he not going to park in front of our house?"
No! He's not going to park there anymore!
But he's a musician!
That doesn't MATTER!
They WHY'D you TELL me?!!!
BECAUSE
.when I ASKED HIM WHY he was PARKING in front of OUR HOUSE
.he SAID he was a MUSCIAN!!!
..
Skipping forward a few months
.I saw one of the guys from across the street planting something near the curb, so I went over and introduced myself.
Hi, I'm Chai, I don't think we've met.
I'm John, I'm the one whose name is on the lease, but I'm hardly ever here
..yeah, I'm a musician.
I so much wanted to ask him what that had to do with parking in front of my house.
a picture is worth 1000 words
What, is that supposed to be some kind of opening line?
"I'm a musician" :wink:
oh yeah? where do you park your car?
wherever the hell I feel like.... I'm a musician....
I once had a cable go bad just as I was about to start a show. there was a radio shack in the shopping center next door and I came rolling in front of the store at two minutes before my showtime and their closing time and the only empty spot was the handicapped space so I pulled into it, ran in and ran out. the whole operation took about 3 minutes.
As I was jumping back into my truck some self appointed Miss thing comes to my window demanding to know why I parked in the handicapped spot. I told her because I'm a musician, a self centered prick, and I think the world revolves around me. She was still sputtering as I pulled off.
so you really do use that line...
it doesnt matter what you say... it's the confidence of your delivery.... when I'm going into a club where there's a cover charge or I want backstage at a show I just breeze past the security guy hold up my hand and go "Steve Quinney"..... never failed me in the last 40 years.....
I've met a LOT of musicians who advertise the fact early and proudly.
Him: <in some sort of cool pose, after initial smalltalk> I'm a musician.
Me: <brightly> I'm deaf.
(That said, I had two serious relationships with musicians.) (And after those two relationships, vowed to stay well away from then on...)
sozobe wrote:
Him: <in> I'm a musician.
Me: <brightly> I'm deaf.
AAAA....HA HA HA HA HA.....!
THAT is the funniest thing I ever heard you say soz...
One day when I worked at the car dealership, someone parked their car right in the driveway pulling in, then went over to the store next door...just using it as a parking spot. While they were in the store, I walked out to the car with some scotch tape and lined the inside of their wiper blades with tape. It rained later that day. Sure they worked pretty well.
I have always wanted to confront those self-centered SOBs who think they're so important they can park in handicapped spots anytime they feel like it, as though the world revolves them. You know the kind I'm talking about. It's perfectly obvious they're not handicapped at all...
....but I've always been afraid I'd run into someone like BPB.
Eva wrote:I have always wanted to confront those self-centered SOBs who think they're so important they can park in handicapped spots anytime they feel like it, as though the world revolves them. You know the kind I'm talking about. It's perfectly obvious they're not handicapped at all...
....but I've always been afraid I'd run into someone like BPB.
normally eva, I would go out of my way to NOT park in a handicapped spot.... I am a self centered prick however, and the world DOES revolve around me....
Eva wrote:I have always wanted to confront those self-centered SOBs who think they're so important they can park in handicapped spots anytime they feel like it, as though the world revolves them. You know the kind I'm talking about. It's perfectly obvious they're not handicapped at all...
....but I've always been afraid I'd run into someone like BPB.
That really tickled the kids!
I was reading about the musician parking and read it out loud to them and they SOOO understood. Bear does that all the time... He'll come out with something totally unrelated to the conversation and act like what he said makes perfect sense. In the past I just dropped it and walked away. Now I'll be able to say "oh, yeah. You're a musician." Ky just said her boyfriend does the same thing, but he's not a musician.
Maybe it's a guy thing?
In 1968, in my last days at DLI Monterey, my barracks floor came under the command of the meanest psycho son of a bitch outside of those still imprisoned at Alcatraz. He liked to give everybody a hard time. He loved gigging people for crap (which put them first on the kitchen duty list) He stopped people in the halls and made them retie their shoes. **** like that. This jackass liked to burst into your room at two in the morning and make everyone stand for inspection. He did that twice in one week and our pleas to anyone in upper command got sneered at, so...... we waited. We only had a few more weeks before we would ship out of there and maybe there would come a chance for revenge.
The Sargent, god love him, was also a drunk. A knee crawling, loud shouting, acid-filled stewball of a boozer who we found about three AM one Sunday morning loudly snoring just outside of the latrine door. In a instant, an airman who shall go nameless and blameless, ran to his room and returned with a can of menthol shaving cream. Before we could stop him he filled the Sgts outstretched hands each with a nice plump blob of fluffy cream.
Then we stood back and watched.
It took about two minutes before the Sgt wiped his eyes with one of his hands.
I thought the best part was when he got to his feet and then proceeded to crash into the concrete walls screaming at the top of his lungs something like AAAIRREEEEERGHHHH!!
Joe(we slept like babies the rest of the tour)Nation
