The mystery bone.

Shot one of the handsome and devilish neighbor playing horseshoes in his back yard with one of the other single men.

A female voice calls over the fence, "oh Max, does this bone belong to you?"

Max raises one eyebrow at his friend, takes a quick look down at his pants, (devilish grin to friend) and calls back, "I just checked! I'm not missing my bone!"

Friend cracks up.

Next scene.

Lauren enters through charming gate that separates the two yards. Unaware of the reaction of the two single men she exclaims; "I found it in my garage. I was just measuring it and it's about 6 inches long.!"

The guys look a little worried. Single guy two calls "nope. It's definately not Max's bone! (laughtrack) Max quickly whispers, "it's not as if you know" Neighbor whispers back "your ex told me everything!"

One of the single men should be a closet gay

He(Peter--jokes to follow) tells Lauren the truth but swears her to secrecy because he's the music director at the nearby church of some unspecified Christian sect.
"I realized I was hot for Jesus, but not in the usual way."

They share observations about men and he is her safe date.
====
Episode Two "Who's Flat?"

The buxom ex-of bachelor two (Ben- he's Jewish, dark curly hair and built)(she's a whiney control freak and the only Jewish American Princess to be called heavy chested in 4000 years. ("Maybe my Polish grandmother was Russian.") arrives with the two kids. She's late. And husband races off with the kiddos in his car leaving her standing at the curb in front of his house looking at the deflated tire on her BMW.

She goes next door to Laren's, stepping by another dog bone on the porch, it's a running gag.

Lauren opens the door.
Ex-wife (Rachel) "I'm flat."
Long beat for sight gag to sink in.


Both women go out to the car to fix the tire.(Rachel is no longer on Ben's AAA policy)

A couple of bachelors arrive, neither has changed a tire. They pretend they know how.

Hilarity ensues.

Joe(The men have to be kind of dorky. It's for American TV)Nation

It seems to lack a hook. you know that something thats different but not too different.

I could go for the scenario but in a spongebob squarepants animated series kind of way. or perhaps japanese anime.

I know.

They are all astronauts.

We can do some stuff in space.

Joe(and the bone floats through like in 2001)Nation

We'll call the show

Everyone loves Boomer

or everybody loves BONER

which can become bachelor #1 (formerly known as Max)'s nickname!

I don't want it animated. I want it with hunky men and overweight women!

Astronauts! How adorablely retro!

Joe, don't forget to write in the tomboy psychic - my other neighbor you thought would make a good TV show.

I think Lauren should be a cookbook writer. The bachelors on my block love home cooked food.

Yes a cookbook writer. There could be lots of delivering of new recipes to the batchelors as tastings! There could be a long hair in the casserole. There could be the exploding souffle scene. There could be smudges of food on her face and noone tells her! She invites her publisher over ( she secretly has a crush on him) and the boys spy on them

Just one astronaut. The other is a mechanic with a crush on Lauren. She flirts with him to get car work done.

He's intimidated by the astronaut, who turns out to be mechanically inept.



Episode Three, "Blast Off"

Lauren's having trouble with her oven and enlists Dave-the-astronaut to help.

Various close encounters ensue, with obvious sexual tension.

Eventually Dave manages light the oven, and an explosion launches a pot through the front door.

Ben comes to the rescue and prevent the house from burning down.

The house is damaged... where will Lauren stay?!?!?

Dave asks Ben to collude so that Lauren will stay with Dave. Ben replies, "I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that...."

that Drewdad is so hot right now!

You crack me up. I wonder how many seasons we could go before someone gets the 2001 connection.

Wait a minute I'm getting lost:

personae dramatis

Lauren ________ Cookbook Writer

Peter _________ Church Music Director

Bachelor #1
Boomer ______ Former NFL Kicker Father of two
Sarah ........ Thirteen going on Thirty
Leo............nine years old either a genius or a dunce when he wants to be
Ex-Wife Claire...........wonderful woman when not drugged up

Bachelor #2
Mechanic

Episode 4 "Through a Bone Darkly" (Halloween episode)

Lauren notices a pile of bones by the front door while putting up Halloween decorations, thinks nothing of them. Lightning strikes, the bones reassemble into a skeleton (composed mostly of dog bones, throw in a few Milk Bones [TM] for product placement).

Lauren screams, drops her fake webbing and staple gun. Half the block comes to the rescue as the skeleton starts running down the street, gets caught in a sheet, then it's a ghostly skeleton running down the street. Peter tosses a pumpkin to Lauren, "It's a squash, you could do something with it!" (insert Peter Peter pumpkin eater joke here)

Ben yells "It's the Great Pumpkin!" while the squash is launched from a hastily constructed catapult. The skeleton explodes and Lauren wakes up, it seems to have been a dream, but she sees a Jack o' Lantern on her night stand with a dog bone in its grin. She screams. Fade to black.

We are not allowed to do dream sequences until after the fourth season.

We could make a psychotic episode brought on by some bad mushrooms.

The ex-wives would appear as the three witches of MacBeth.

The kicker ex would give birth to a football.

Joe(I'm going to make a martini)Nation

Need token Hispanic so we dont alienate that demographic. Possibly also a disabled person... a gun nut disabled person.

That would have been bachelor #6, Mark, but he moved away. A non-hispanic, disabled, gun owner. Pretty close.

If we're going to have 2001 jokes embedded in the plot you should have someone named Daisy Poole.

This makes spamku look like a perfectly normal hobby...

And speaking of spamku, who're you going to name "Virile Estonia"?

Well uhhhh.... here on the bachelor block we have er..... spam slams.

That's it! Spam slam night!

During a spam slam we drink saki and read our spam as poetry.

And uhhhh we name ourselves spam names.

Like, maybe for my turn I would say:

A poem by Thaw T. Recompenses

inflatable appetizer
Time Buddy
Can This Be What You Wanted
Thank you for taking the time to articulate your misgivings, as much more ...
chuck increase

Then I would gulp some saki, take a bow and turn over the "stage" to Daisy Poole.

Good clean fun!

Episode Five "Studs"

Ben, Dave, and Peter begin work on repairing the damage to Lauren's house, beginning with re-framing a damaged wall. Naturally, they find a lost bone behind the stove.

Lots of sight gags of Peter getting flustered around the guys, and lots of throwaway double entendres.

"Where do you need this tool?" "Let me grab that for you." "Is that tight enough?" "Better look under the bottom...." "You need to really beat on it!"

Lauren comes to check on the progress, and naturally the testosterone ramps up.

Ben and Dave finally place the wall, straining and slightly bent at the waist. "How does this look?"

Lauren and Peter both sigh and reply, "Looks great!" Lauren looks at Peter and comes to The Realization.



I'm drawing a blank on a 2001 reference though...