You should be working for a women's journal Mathos.
Nothing like a bit of that to get a guy nest building with the DIY and having his life's wages squandered on fripperies and gee-gaws which would be advertised alongside your articles looking all pretty and domesticated and accompanied by surveys on the once a month 8 minute rewards which set in shortly after the romantic wedding and honeymoon (£25,000) are done and dusted.
They catch monkeys by pricking up their attention to a juicy nut in a jar attached to a chain with a wrecking ball fastened on the end.
And wasps just can't stop themselves when a nearly empty strawberry jam-jar is craftily placed in the vicinity of their sense receptors.
Eight minutes once a month?
You have got serious premature ejaculation problems sunshine!
In my book a quicky is something I get down to on Saturday afternoon between 1 and 6.
Then I feel I've rushed it.
Well, the one-to-quarter-of-six spent muttering, "Stiffen up, damn it!" might be better spent.
I took my figure Mathos from my memory of a recent scientific survey.
I think we English were 8 and the Yanks were 7 minutes. I did some boasting about it on the philosophy channel at the time. I don't remember anybody being above 12.
The once a month after the flush of novelty wears off, as alas it often does, was from another survey a few years ago. I should imagine it's a bit more spaced out by now. They usually get an extra if their team has won which is why the teams that win have the biggest crowds. It puffs up the pride you know. And maybe 3 minutes.
Ladies don't like losers and if you are associated with a team that loses some of it rubs off. Why do you think they are so fanatical? It's a trick to get a few extra a year.
Obviously you are an exception and are to be commended for it. A few more like you and the average might creep up to 8.1 minutes and that would make us all feel a lot better.
Your on with your talking bollocks again oink!
If a mature man is unable to condition himself to go non stop for a good 30 minutes he has a problem. If he don't know what to do to make it last hours, he is a sad sap.
Women need thrilling you gobbin, not tormenting with an 8 minute flutter like a little sparrow!