2
   

What are some typical British items... read on I need help

 
 
Mathos
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2006 12:11 pm
You won't get blood in your pecker off veg mate!


That's why your a celibate Jesus maybe.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2006 02:24 pm
I wouldn't normally comment on that stuff mate but as it's a public thread and young people might be reading I feel it my duty to inform them that the science says quite the opposite. The fats from meat are converted in the liver to cholesterol which deposits itself when there's overload as plaque in blood vessels and restricts the blood flow.

When your giant pecker is engorged with blood where do you think it comes from? Something must be going short to the tune of a pint or two from what you have so subtly hinted at. Your brains maybe? If it is your muscles you could end up with a giant stiffo and no strength to use it for more than a minute or two seeing that they are bunged up with plaque as well.

Is that right. You're the expert and I'm on Ask An Expert.
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2006 02:50 pm
Probably takes less than 250mls to erect a phallus of gargantuan proportions, like what Mathos has...
0 Replies
 
Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2006 03:01 pm
Or two lolly sticks and a rubber band.
0 Replies
 
Mathos
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2006 03:54 pm
No wonder I hear single women grumbling,



'There are no real men'


Is it!!!!!!


Sad sap sitting on a block of stone
Way out in the corner eating all alone
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2006 04:51 pm
Is that a lightening rod, or are you just pleased to see me?

x
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2006 05:58 pm
smorgsy wrote-

Quote:
Probably takes less than 250mls to erect a phallus


I worked it out once, using an advanced chemical balance, a slide rule, a see-saw and a undereducated laboratory assistant that it was 234.5 mls. and other observations led me to think that the conscience was the only possible source. It was the only thing redundant I could think of considering the demands my musclature was screeching for.

I was unable to confirm my initial tests due to my assistant leaving for a job in a shop which paid a penny an hour more and her replacement had 16 A-levels, a professorship in the US, and wanted to try it on the Big Dipper and I am frightened of heights and G forces above or below 1.0000rec.

Tell me smorgs- how do you coax 250 (or so) mls out of a conscience without a sense of the deepest shame or is it alright if the object is not one of "gargantuan proportions" and thus ragged remnants of conscience are possibly retained.
0 Replies
 
smorgs
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Sep, 2006 11:57 pm
Quote:
Tell me smorgs- how do you coax 250 (or so) mls out of a conscience without a sense of the deepest shame or is it alright if the object is not one of "gargantuan proportions" and thus ragged remnants of conscience are possibly retained.


I'm afraid I don't know what that means...

Is it - does size matter?

Well, then no, IMO.

But I have not experimented to a large degree...being a thicko!

x
0 Replies
 
kitchenpete
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 03:48 am
As time goes by, I wonder that anyone ever thought spendi and Mathos were one and the same person. Confused

Never thought much of cricket. I lived for 6 years within 1/2 mile of Lords and never went to one match. That's how disinterested I am!

KP
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 05:25 am
kitchenpete wrote:
As time goes by, I wonder that anyone ever thought spendi and Mathos were one and the same person. Confused


indeed for as Wikkipedia tells us

Quote:
With the help of the scheming freed slave, Spendius, Matho steals the sacred veil of Carthage...


and whereas Spendius (not referring at all to the veill of Carthage) said a few posts ago

Quote:
I wouldn't normally comment on that stuff mate..


Mathos said in the preceeding post

Quote:
You won't get blood in your pecker off veg mate!


leading one to discount all suspicion whatsoever that they are one and the same person taken from characters in Gustave Flaubert's novel Salammbo http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salammb%C3%B4_(novel)

Wink
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 06:01 am
And one of the greatest pieces of literature ever created. Sometimes I think the greatest. And that's only the translation. It's a cathedral of a master word-mason.

Somebody might be forever grateful for that link and Steve may never know.

"You should never let other people get your kicks for you".

Especially not critics.

I gather Mick Frayn has a new book out. Has anybody read it yet?
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 07:00 am
Well I admit that I've not read Flauberts epic. Seriously I'm curious as to why you rate it so highly. If you would, in a few words (and I appreciate that might be difficult for you) tell us what turns you on about Salammbo. Thanks
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 12:50 pm
I'll have to try to answer Steve's impossible request with a few jottings.

Flaubert himself first of all. I knew quite a bit about him before I came to Salammbo. I had been already much impressed with Bovary which sent me into reading all around the guy. His letters in particular. And I knew how admired he was by writers I followed. And I liked how certain feminists were appalled. You should read about him as a kid watching his eminent father perform autopsies and throw bits out for dogs and other tales much too much for A2K readers.

He sweated blood to make it. "My Carthaginian girl", he called it.

When a chapter was finished he read it to two or three best mates in his study. An occasion. Much booze. He wrote for himself, for them, and for Art. No thought of money. Dressed in oriental kit. He was a noted mimic so could play the roles. Uncontrollable laughter. I read it pretending I am there in that bourgeois study.

Spendius is, of course, the hero. And a true Darwinian. -"Those who are worthy will be known by the speed of their legs and the force of their blows." (Know your cause young man.)

Drum it up on Google. It's there. Try the description of the army in The Aqueduct chapter--"The rumour of war......shadows of the walls. Try a proper foreign holiday. All's fair in love and war. It's all Christianised now oh ungrateful ones.

Fabulous language. Fabulous story. Fabulous realisation. Fabulous insights. Sentences sparkling like the treasures in the cave of King Solomon's Mines.

I could write a book about it. Easy. But for that strict Mistress Time.
0 Replies
 
Francis
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 01:22 pm
Well, not too typical British item...
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 01:35 pm
Francis- don't go away. I have a bit of French I'd like translating. I'll go find it. Back soon.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 01:43 pm
Sorry- can't find it quick. Thought I knew where it was roughly.

Francis wrote-

Quote:
Well, not too typical British item...


I was encouraging Brits to read it. We have education as well as black puddings and jellied eels.
0 Replies
 
Francis
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 01:51 pm
I encourage you to read this, Spendius:

See the button "quote" up on the right side of my post?
Click on it, it will save you the work of writing "Francis wrote"...

I also encourage the British to read not only typical British items.
0 Replies
 
Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 02:09 pm
spendius wrote:
I'll have to try to answer Steve's impossible request with a few jottings.

Flaubert himself first of all. I knew quite a bit about him before I came to Salammbo. I had been already much impressed with Bovary which sent me into reading all around the guy. His letters in particular. And I knew how admired he was by writers I followed. And I liked how certain feminists were appalled. You should read about him as a kid watching his eminent father perform autopsies and throw bits out for dogs and other tales much too much for A2K readers.

He sweated blood to make it. "My Carthaginian girl", he called it.

When a chapter was finished he read it to two or three best mates in his study. An occasion. Much booze. He wrote for himself, for them, and for Art. No thought of money. Dressed in oriental kit. He was a noted mimic so could play the roles. Uncontrollable laughter. I read it pretending I am there in that bourgeois study.

Spendius is, of course, the hero. And a true Darwinian. -"Those who are worthy will be known by the speed of their legs and the force of their blows." (Know your cause young man.)

Drum it up on Google. It's there. Try the description of the army in The Aqueduct chapter--"The rumour of war......shadows of the walls. Try a proper foreign holiday. All's fair in love and war. It's all Christianised now oh ungrateful ones.

Fabulous language. Fabulous story. Fabulous realisation. Fabulous insights. Sentences sparkling like the treasures in the cave of King Solomon's Mines.

I could write a book about it. Easy. But for that strict Mistress Time.


well thanks spendi. dont know if i ever said that before but you replied.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 02:26 pm
Francis wrote:
I encourage you to read this, Spendius:

See the button "quote" up on the right side of my post?
Click on it, it will save you the work of writing "Francis wrote"...

I also encourage the British to read not only typical British items.


The more I see of buttons the more I like them.
0 Replies
 
spendius
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 Sep, 2006 02:34 pm
spendius wrote:
Francis wrote:
I encourage you to read this, Spendius:

See the button "quote" up on the right side of my post?
Click on it, it will save you the work of writing "Francis wrote"...

I also encourage the British to read not only typical British items.


The more I see of buttons the more I like them.


Best when all undone.

Steve- I forgot to say to try to imagine the blank sheet of paper and the trips into Paris (in those days) to look for one word or phrase.
0 Replies
 
 

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