HELP! I'm thirty!

(ohmygod I can't believe you did either.<g>) I know you won't believe this, anastasia, but the best is yet to come.


<edited for spelling>

anastasia- Swimpy is absolutely right. As you get older, you become more confident, more comfortable with yourself as you are. There is less of a concern about how you appear to others. You become more secure in your own decisions, your own views of life. I know, since I have reached thirty twice already, and am working on the third time!

Really and truly Phoenix?

That is so -oo cool!
Anastasia, you will live! Most of my BESTEST friends are way past 30, and beautiful (in all ways).

Jackie- Yup- Inside this sixty something body is a mind of a 28 year old. I may grow older, but I will NEVER grow old, and I might not even grow up!

Anastasia

Some of our best friends are 23 years younger than my wife and I are.
Imagine that at your age!

I also view the plus thirty years as my best. You will not believe it, but, at sixty, I am more comfortable with me and the life I lead than at any other age.

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
Soren Kierkegaard (1813 - 1855)

The "never trust anyone over thirty", sentiment of the '60's with a very unfortunate half-life, was coined by drug dealers--who are probably dead by now.

M'dear, you're entering the Prime of Life. Enjoy.

OK, I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is, I think that it's not so simple as "you're more mature" etc., etc. I was pretty mature in my 20's, and while it stands to reason that you get smarter as you get older since you've learned more stuff, my BRAIN is also less smart than it used to be, if you get my drift. I used to be able to store vast amounts of information simultaneously, just there in my head, ready to be accessed at a moment's notice, and to be synthesized with other pieces of information. That is now much harder. I need to write things down more, look things up more, work harder to get to those "eureka!" moments rather than just letting them come naturally.

Note, hardER does not mean impossible, at all.

The good news is, there ARE trade-offs. I don't have instant access to every piece of information that has ever filtered through my brain, but most of the important stuff is there. Kind of like how my wardrobe has been winnowed down to things I really, really like, so I can basically just reach in blind and say "hey, I'd like to wear that today", rather than agonizing over which of my zillions of skirts would go best with which of my zillions of shirts.

And I don't need to make as many mistakes -- I already made 'em, already got the benefit from them. ("Don't treat subordinates like they are stupid. Check.") Life seems to be more even-keeled, unless you WANT to rock the boat, of course, but it's nice to have that be optional.

I think 30 is the first big "omigod" one because before that we want to be OLDER. When I was 20, I wanted to be done with college, I wanted to be able to walk into a bar without first taking a deep breath and putting on my thousand-yard-stare/ "Who me of course I'm over 21 you silly boy" look, I wanted to be a grown up.

At 29, you're a grown up. You feel like you should have accomplished this this and that rather than feeling like those things are all in your future. It's the first big stock-taking.

I'm 32, but I turned 30 in a flurry of taking care of a tiny newborn, and it didn't make a dent, really. So it's only recently that I started thinking about this stuff myself.

I love my 30s. I was a miserable teen, a cute 20-somethinger, but I am sexy in my 30s. At least, that's sort of how I am able to put it in a nutshell.

I see my 30s as very tumultuous. I had wild and fun times and some really emotional downs. I can still pull off cute, and do, but there's so much more to me now than there was in most of my 20s.

Since there is very little you can do about each passing year, it is better to let it go. That may feel scary; perhaps you've experienced a little of your own mortality. Enjoy who you are now. There are cycles to life and this may feel like a low point to you, but you can be happy at any age, enjoying the moment, or you can look back in regret. Choosing the first is the best advice* I can offer. This is your life and the impetus for it is within you (and only you).

As to what is good about being thirty or more? Besides the old saw that the alternative is not so good, you realize life doesn't begin and end with how you look. Your confidence will come from within, not from other people's opinions. The buck stops here now, and that IS good and empowering. You may even discover, if you're lucky, where your passions lie. Until you have a clear idea of what you love and want out of this one life, how can you achieve it?


* My other advice would be to slow down on drinking, quit smoking cigarettes, and keep a diary. :wink:

What a great idea to start a thread to celebrate the thirties (don't worry, I think this one is a little more cerebral than the vagina/penis celebrations!).

For some reason, I honestly didn't have a tough time turning thirty, but as I progress (almost 34) it gets a little scarier. But one thing I've noticed in looking back at my 20's is that back then, it was very difficult to look at things like politics, religion, love, life choices without getting riled up and excited -- like I was going to change the world just by being passionate about something. Now I realize that I can be still passionate and aware without all the adreneline and in the process am understanding things a *little* better, at least. I'm able to listen to other people, other views, and actually appreciate them a lot better than I could when I was younger, whether I believe in their views or not.

And I love littlek's bit on being "sexy" rather than "cute." I love that part about being older, too. When a younger guy hits on me now (it does happen once in a while!) and then finds out that I'm 10 years or so older than him, I've noticed the facial expression changes from that of a guy looking for someone to go home with to that of a guy who is admiring a really fabulous woman that he knows he couldn't possibly match up to.

The bad part is that you will *have* to start working out within the next few years, if you don't already, and oh yeah, the mental thing that sozobe mentioned, but it honestly is more relaxing, more sexy, more life-affirming than the twenties.

So don't stop being the "cutie" that you are, just realize that it may come off as "sexy" instead -- or that your views will probably be taken at least a little more seriously than they did a few years ago. Congratulations and welcome to the club, Anastasia!

If you guys like the 30s, just wait 'til your 40s!!!

In your 20s, you get a glimpse of what you are capable of doing and being. In your 30s, you get a chance to do & be some of it. The 40s are usually a person's most productive years, because that's when you finally figure out what you do best. The 40s are also great because all your friends are now bona fide professionals who can help you! (P.S. They also say women reach their sexual peak in their 40s, and I can confirm that!)

I am 48, and I feel like I'm getting younger every year. I've finally learned how to let go of things that I really don't need in my life...and to focus on the things that have meaning. I am very sure of myself now, compared to my 20s and 30s. And my life is so much richer for it. Not to mention that I'm a LOT more fun to be around!

My friends in their 50s tell me it gets even better. I can hardly wait!

Take it from me...don't buy into the myth that younger is better. That is such a lie.

I would say drink some water...oops, it was THIRTY, not THIRSTY...okay...in that case, I am 32 and not loving it. I can't wait until I'm 60. Once I turn 60, my bank will waive all my transaction fees. I only think 30 is tough because it is so "in-betweeny" regarding what you can do in the world. 30-somethings are generally, looking at least at our friends, caught between the responsibilities of adulthood and the desire of teens. Some of the friends we grew up with make tons more money than us, have great jobs, but you know what? We rarely see them, and they are, for the most part, miserable about their career paths. Enjoy it anastasia, and make the best....I am still not old enough to not have hope for a bright future, and I'm older than you, so nyah nyah, piss off (kidding) I would bet you are still way cute too, so stop putting yourself down already. As was stated in another thread, all A2Kers are mondo gorgeous. The immortal words of Jespah...

Let me add....there must really be something to the theory that age adds sexiness...last night, Mrs. cav kicked me out, and her friend kicked out her hubby so they could host a Viggo Mortensen porn, erm, film night at our place. So, other hubby and I are both loner types (fun night, eh), but we went to shoot some pool and have a few brewskies. After the pool session, we decided, screw it, let's just get a table and watch the band. Well...two lovely ladies came in and sat down right next to us, in a half-full bar. That table. For 2. The cuter one noticed my pool cue and leaned over to me and asked: "So, I guess you have been shooting some serious stick tonight..." Have to tell you, I haven't been picked up in almost 10 years, save for Mrs. cav. Now, she prefers to not believe the story, but with age comes confidence, and that is sexy indeed.

anastasia<

Congratulations on becoming 30

Turning 30 did not bother me emotionally, but age 35 did. That's because the statistics then revealed to me that men at 35 had already lived half their lives. The first half had gone so quickly, how quickly would the next 35 go by? It was here that I began to realize my own mortality.

That's not a fun thing to realize. But having realized it has made me appreciate this second half more fully.

HELP! I'm thirty!
Turning 40 was a little downer. In April that year I decided to do something as a symbolic goodbye to youth. So I ran for two weeks and did the Boston Marathon. Never ran before or since. Two of my younger brothers tried but didn't finish. I played basketball until I hit 50. Now in my sixties I'm thinking of coming out of retirement and play again.
Successes and failures will be with you all your life. It's easier to meet them later in life with the experiences you've gained over the years. Fear not, there's some good times coming.

williamhenry--

I turned 35 in the middle of a nasty divorce that was the official ending of a very unhappy marriage. My reaction was "I'm, 35, half way to the biblical threescore and ten--and I've survived with dignity and a certain amount of glory."

I was sure at 35 that the second half of my life would be easier--and it has been.

My 20's and 30's were the hardest years of my life because my father died when I was 21 and I had my son at 23 while I was in an abusive relationship. I've been a single mom all these years which took up all of my time and energy. I home school my 16 year old son, so in 2 more years when my son is ready to face the world on his own, I think my life is going to get much more relaxed. In my case I believe my glory years will start in 2 years when I'm 41 :-D