Reconstruction - A New Life, A Changed Life, The End of Life

I know what you mean, husker.

Times like these make me proud of us.

Life is what bites you in the ass when you're busy making other plans. Neither you nor she are alone, you're simply momentarily not in the same room. That'll change - when its time for it to change.

Two points: From Timber, I'm reminded of the saying "If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans."
and
After my wife died, I felt some "survivor's guilt." But I helped myself with the realization that I have not gotten away with anything; my turn (to die) will come.

Oy Anon.

Hardly anything goes as planned...if buying houses doesn't, why should dying?


Lil 'k's point about dying alone is valid....we can only do our own dying, even if you are with someone, the experience is still only yours.


You and Jaybea, however much you love each other, were not born fused, and your death will come when it is bloody well time...no matter how much we love another being, our life is, I believe, still our own and has its own shape and trajectory which needs to be honoured.....if we are lucky enough not to have it blasted apart by fate etc. as so many lives are...you know, like being born into poverty and starvation and so on.


This romantic dying together stuff does not really respect our uniqueness, I think....and circumstances made a dream out of your plans, as they so often do.


So, give Jaybea a piece of your mind, do lots of grieving, and get some sleep, exercise and good food even though you are not hungry. And talk about it all a lot.


((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Anon))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Anon))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I just found out. Ends, beginings, long middle periods. Accumulation, loss, continuance.

It must feel somewhat surreal.

Hugs.

Has anyone heard from anon? I'd been thinking today I'd like to see a post from him by now.

Agreed.... I haven't seen him.

reconstruction
anon : i'm sorry for your loss ; i'm sure i don't know what it means to be left alone .
i don't know if there is anything that can give you peace and solace at this time , but i hope you see something , somewhere that will give you
some peace - and perhaps later some comfort .
i'm truly sorry !
hbg

(((Anon-Voter)))

I don't know all the particulars, Anon, the intimate conversations that you and JayBea had, so I can only pick up on a few word clues that you've left here.

She "chose" you say, and I think you must accept her choice.

She had a task for you to do for her, the greatest one that love can demand. She needed someone to withdraw the life support, to allow her to go.

I have watched my loved one's eyes in the moments before death, and I am convinced that those eyes saw something I cannot imagine. Received some wisdom. Whatever it was, it transcended fear and pain. JayBea knew something that made her overset your plans. You must trust her. And unfortunately, you must put one foot in front of the other down the path of the rest of your life. Not for friends or family, or for anyone here, or even for yourself -- you must do it for her.

I hope that I haven't overstepped, but I know that people in grief appreciate straight talk more than anything.

It is the griever's lot to wonder, in anger or sorrow, why they are still on this earth when their beloved is not. How can we still breathe when our other does not? How can strangers not see the emptiness beside me, and this huge hole in my heart? Why am I here?

My only answer is: I have often stood outside by the feeder watching the antics of some chickadees. It came to me that these curious, busy, enduring, amusing little birds do not doubt their place in the universe. I am trying to attain the wisdom of the chickadee.

peace, Ti

I wish Anon would post...

We are all thinking of you. I hope you let us know how you're doing soon.

Wish I could give you a real-life hug, but this'll have to do... ((((((((anon))))))))

I suspect that in the end Jay Bea, out of love, did not want you to end your life prematurely and go into eternity with that on her conscience.
It's tragic but natural for a terminally ill person to eventually pass on. It is unnatural for a healthy person to die either by misadventure or their own hand.

Death should be the end of earthly cares and being part of a suicide pact of some sort is definitely not that. Who wants to go to wherever it is people go with that on their mind? Sounds like she had enough problems in this life.

You have the hard job but it's yours to do. Live. That is the best and most respectful way you now have to express your love for Jay Bea.

Having had the near death experience I can tell you that living is better. Hang in there my friend.

Who has his phone number?

Somehow my thoughts turn to the situation endured by Dr. Viktor Frankl, who spent three years in Nazi death camps; his wife and other family members were there, too. He spoke of feeling strengthened by being present for his wife until the very end, knowing that he was at her side until the end of her life, and she would not have to endure the tragedies without him.

In my imagination, I hold thoughts of you moving into and through the depths of your grief but finally moving into ways of memorializing JayBea. Whatever she believed was important, you now have a chance to strengthen, maintain, and renew. This, after all, is the closest thing we have to an earth-bound immortality. What she believed to be of value continues, with you as loving caretaker.

[Frankl's best-known book is _Man's Search for Meaning_.]

But, in a sense, Anon DID die with Jaybea. The Anon who was OF that loving relationship no longer exists (at least this applies to me in "my" relationship to my late wife). Anon is (also 'in a sense') suffering the death and rebirth of himself. Jaybea's Anon left this existence when she did. He is now being reborn (with crying and all) into a new Anon, an Anon who can have a new loving relationship with someone else.

And this is certainly suggested by the title Anon has given to this thread:
"Reconstruction - A New Life, A Changed Life, The End of Life."

Byron/Anon

Please drop in (even very briefly, if that's all you want or can manage) & let us know you're OK. I'm quite worried about you & I know others are, too. But then, I think this could possibly be the time of JayBea's funeral, or maybe not long post-funeral ..... Maybe it's just too difficult for you to communicate. In any case, I want you to know you are in my thoughts. I can only imagine what you are going through right now & sincerely wish I could help, even in the smallest way.
Hang in there, Byron.

JL, that's quite a post! Nice.

Anon..... please come in and say hi.

Still no word?

Should I send something to his regular email address?

I'd say you should. I was going to ask if anyone has PM'ed him, but an email would be even better.

I'm really worried, personally, although I know he could just be too ovewhelmed with funeral stuff or other family things to be here.

I think that's the case, Cypher. I did PM him a few days ago, and he responded*. I'm sure he's just too busy. We'll hear from him as soon as he can find the time and energy. We do owe him patience, don't we?

*I think he responded because he was just in the numbness stage of his grief. Now he's probably grieving full blast, bless him.