Tales of Personal Failure

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From the very beginning, I was not able to save princesses in video games. The first Super Mario game is a prime example. As my teenage daughter breezed through level after level, finally touting her ultimate triumph, I struggled in the lower levels of the game, gradually learning how to skip whole levels to get nearer the end. For these many years, she has had the mistaken belief that I actually saved the princess. I never did.

Growing up, I wanted to sing. I was a born superstar with a voice like Huey "Piano" Smith's voice, which is to say, a talentless bum. It isn't me calling him that. It's history. After his hit recording of "Don't You Just Know It?" he put himself on tape groaning the song, "Sea Cruise," then went confidently off to enjoy his vacation. During his absense, the studio lifted his voice off the tape and inserted the talent of Frankie Ford. If Smith ever made another record, I don't know about it. I, too, wanted to sing, not taking the hint when my Mom told me, "I wish you were on the radio so I could turn you off." My first wife fed my urge to warble like Tom Jones and Frankie Sinatra. The present Mrs. edgarblythe told me bluntly, "There is nothing musical in your voice." Now when I sing, I just do it when I want to amuse or annoy.

In grade school I took a notion to be an artist, spending all of my free time drawing, usually copying pictures of Donald Duck or comic book illustrator Alex A. Blum's work. My two years younger brother took a cue from watching me and began drawing also. Soon, the adults were praising his work while ignoring mine. Eventually I had to admit that my art was not original enough to ensure any real success.

These are but a few of my failures in life. The thing is, I had to find the things I could be good at and pursue them with all my might. And have the wisdom to know that the things I have here described as failures were not failures at all, but learning experiences. I am the better for having tried than if I had not made any effort at all. The quest is the thing. Never to quit striving in the face of adversity. I have a Snoopy greeting card hung on my locker door at work. He is atop his flying doghouse, surrounded by Fokkers (led by the Red Baron), outnumbered and surrounded. "Don't Give Up the Fight," reads the caption.

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edgarblythe,

Great question. I can always count on you for something extraordinary!

My failures ...

I relate strongly to that character in "Amadeus." I'm a wannabe pianist and after 30 years or so on and off, my talents are mediocre at best. Errrrr! But the folks in the nursing home do recognize my songs, so, well, there is that at least.

My singing voice used to be strong, but without "interpretation" and perhaps a bit harsh. I'd give a lot to be that good now. Now I can barely get close to the right note ... <sigh>

But what haunts me most--daily?--are the little unaware inconsiderations of my youth, and not so youth ... the conceit, the selfishness, the competitive nature, the not being sensitive to other people's feelings, limitations, or even accomplishments. Not offering comfort, praise, attention, admiration, affirmation ... always needing to be the center of attention ... That list is huge and overwhelming.

When one of those situations pops uninvited into my mind, and 45 years of living does provide an enormous list, I fall into an almost torret's (sp?) like response, "I'm so studid!" And then somehow after acknowledging my BLUNDER, the fleeting image of my attrocious (sp?) behavior gratefully fades back into the far recesses of my mind with the demon who brought it.

Until the next resurfacing ...

Yeeikes!

The "examined life" is not always worth living ...

Smile

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Don't give up the fight, Dupre. If the experiences you describe help you to grow, they are not failures at all.

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edgarblythe,

Thanks. I appreciate that.

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So what did you glean from failing to save the Princess?

That would be a lesson I could use, since I'm failing to save something-or-other in the Legend of Zelda game I've been stuck in for a couple years now...Maybe it's all to teach me a life lesson that I just haven't seen yet...

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It's in the act of striving. Faust was in the end redeamed, even though he failed in his ultimate objective. I once spent weeks playing a game, solving puzzle after puzzle. A few others became interested. Instead of following my trail of puzzles, they struck out in other directions. One of them revealed that the puzzles were a ruse. The princess lay in an entirely different direction. She saved her as I stood by watching. I consol myself that I alone among us solved all those puzzles.

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Robert Browning:

A man's reach should exceed his grasp,
Or what's a heaven for?

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Faylyours? Yu coodent handel mye faylyours.

On a more serious note, the things I used to view as failures, or failings on my part are now just part of the route I've been granted access to in life. Sure there are things I'd like to be able to do; but, how many people can do everything?

An upside of one imagined failure was learning how to lip-synch long before most people had ever heard of it. Guess it's all a matter of how I look at it, and on the average day I'm okay knowing that there are certain things I won't ever be capable of doing. (I just need a few more average days)

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Quote:

...it's all a matter of how I look at it, and on the average day I'm okay knowing that there are certain things I won't ever be capable of doing. (I just need a few more average days)

Sturgis--

I admire a man with perspective.

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You are surrounded by Fokkers?

That can't be good....

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I always love reading what you have to say, edgar.

My personal failure is in never learning to ice skate properly.
As a kid, I was put in figure skating so I could learn.
I have no natural ability at it, I'm afraid of the ice, and so I broke my good wrist.
In a village where the center of action was the skating rink, I always felt badly about never being able to skate like everyone else in the town.
I tried and tried and tried.
By high school I resigned myself to drinking hot chocolate and flirting with the guys off ice.

As an adult, every year, I find an old pair of skates and take a stab at skating.
Three patient boyfriends could not improve my skills.

I suck at skating. It's one thing I simply am not made for.
But I do enjoy the winter skating trails nonetheless!

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I tried roller skating a few times. I was hopelessly self conscious at that time in my life and was unable to manage it.

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Me, I wouldn't know where to begin to list all of my disappointments..... Sad

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Aw, Reyn.

Edgar's right, you can't look at it that way.

For example, when I was young I was privileged to take ballet lessons from one of the greats. His name was Robert Bell, a French Canadian who had taught many famous ballerinas how to dance. Maria and Marjorie Tallchief, Yvonne Chouteau...even Cyd Charisse had originally learned from him. I was in awe of the signed photos on the wall above the barre.

After three years of 2-3 lessons per week, I was finally judged ready to go "en pointe." It is a critical time for every dancer, and I was devoted to ballet. I shopped for my first pink satin toe shoes, sewed the elastic straps and long pink ribbons on them just so, modeled them for myself in the mirror for hours.

Finally, my first "pointe" class arrived. The pain was excruciating, but I didn't care. I was determined. Unfortunately, determination wasn't enough. My toes began bleeding around the nails. They made me stop.

Mr. Bell examined my feet himself and gave me and my parents the bad news. My feet were simply not shaped properly for toe shoes. If my long, graceful toes had been short and stubby, they could have borne the weight of my body more easily. There was nothing that could be done. My cherished days of ballet were over, just as I thought I was getting started.

I cried for weeks.

The thing is, Reyn, I was 13 when that happened. In the following years, I did not develop anything close to what would be considered a "dancer's body." I am long-bodied, have broad shoulders and hips, and am 5'6-1/2". If it hadn't been my feet that had disqualified me at a young age, it would surely have been my build later on. My bleeding toes saved me from 3 or 4 more years of trying in vain to be something I was clearly not meant to be.

So, painful though it was, it all worked out for the best.

(I still have the toe shoes, though.)

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I was accepted in the Fashion Design program at Parsons School of Design in NYC in 1973. At that time, their program was considered the most prestigious in the country and to be accepted was no small thing. I'd wanted to design clothes my whole life so this was a dream come true but I was in love with my boyfriend and, well, to cut it short, I blew the opportunity, lasted only a semester and dropped out before flunking out. I've always regretted it and suspect that I always will.

I could roller skate my behind off back in the day but was never able to even stand up on a pair of ice skates.

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Eva wrote:

Aw, Reyn.

Edgar's right, you can't look at it that way.

I suppose, but all my life I've never really found anything that I didn't suck at one way or another. I've always envied others with talent.

I've gotten use to it though. I don't mind....really.

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You have successes in other ways is all. Plus, you take good photos.

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I failed to climb Mt. Everest and missed the North Pole by twenty miles, and I failed my audition for the first violin section of the Boston Symphony. I feel like such a failure.

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Awww, I want to hug Reyn!

http://www.swapmeetdave.com/Humor/Cats/CatHoldupT.jpg

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