Teaching someone basic internet skills.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm about to kill my husband.

A few weeks back, we finally got access at home. I was very excited for the wolverine because I just knew after a few 'how to's' he'd be searching for all kinds of stuff that interests him. Also, I thought some of the conversations I have with him that involve something from the internet would make more sense to him. i.e. "What do you mean you 'went' somewhere"

No crime in having absolutely no computer experience.

I thought about how I thought others various computer skills and decided on a teaching plan. Which I explained to him prior to lesson one.

First, I just opened up a program like excel or word and went over each icon, so he would start to get familiar with the look and feel.

I showed him mouse basics, scrolling clicking etc.

It'd been years since he typed so I encouraged him to go into Word and practice typing, and going into excel so he could practice moving the mouse and clicking on different cell. I discovered he has this really "Heavy" hand with the mouse, and would often click without realizing he was doing it. I kept reminding him to handle the mouse gently, like a beautiful woman.

Then, showed him how to get onto both Internet Explorer, and how to get into his email and check any email.....I would email him from work, so he would have stuff to practice with.

I showed him Yahoo and how he could type into the search line what he wanted to look for, and encouraged him to type in something very innocuous, like blueberry pie receipes, so he could get the hang of surfing.

In other words, I tried to break it down into the most basic stuff. Not trying to explain various search engines, attaching, downloading or any of that. I encouraged him to take notes.


Okaaaaaaay......

Each time we sit down, it's like a brand new day. I'll say "Let's check your email"

him: OK (doesn't make a move)
me: remember I said to click "here"?
him: Oh yeah.
me: remember, you click "here" every time you want to go on the internet. This is the place that will get you on....

long pause.....

me: ok then, you need to actually click there.....you know, maybe you should make notes.
OK, so he checks his emails.....with every message saying "ok, now what"

me: What is it you'd like to do?
him: I want to get rid of this motherf*cker!
me: So you want to delete it.
him: yea
me: wellllll........<him not doing anything> see that button that says delete?

and so forth....

On yahoo, he has it in his head somehow that he wants to find a store in Austin that sells recurve bows....so, he refuses to try to search anything that doesn't involve the words recurve bow and austin.

me: why don't you try "archery stores austin"
him: because I want a recurve bow
me: well, they may not specifically mention recurve bows on their site. They can't name every product they sell.
him: well they should!

me: ok honey.....look up....pomeranian breeding clubs......hot sexy girls......something!

Finally, this morning I lost it.

Why are you being so obstinant There are about 3 things I keep saying to do! Click, scroll and type click scroll and type

I told him I can't answer every specific question he has (what does this little area mean? I DON'T know, click on it and see!) because the internet is so general and you just have to kind of try things out.

Anyway...I left the room to cool down, and he stayed to do something. I looked in 5 minutes later, and he was still looking at the same screen, like he had to memorize what was there.

Once, I showed him this really funny thread on A2K and said, "here, read this it's really funny, keep scrolling to the bottom"

I stood there while he read, until I started thinking....what's taking so long....finally I asked..."baby, you're not reading every single thing on the screen, like the ads, signatures, how many times someone has posted, are you?"

"yeah, I am"

I know, I know, this has turned into a rant. But I am just so frustrated. I've actually come to tears and said to him...You're making this so much harder than it is!

I've explained to just scan stuff like you do a magazine page, etc. etc.

He saw one of those stupid "learn the computer at home" disks on TV and asked me about that. I said that it would be exactly what I was showing him....icons, links, etc. Plus, even if he bought one, he wouldn't put it in and do it.

I understand people have different ways of learning....but I have taught bunches of people stuff and have never run into something like this.

He does want to learn, it's not that. But he keeps trying to make this into a one size fits all thing. He's not scared of it either. I really don't know what it is.

Oh! he asked me....how to I find ebay?
Well, you could search for it, or since most websites use the name of their business as their address, what do you think ebays address would be?

him: I don't know that's why I'm asking.

OK - I've looked around a little to find internet basics on line, but so far come up with sites that get to much into the jargon. I need a quick down and dirty...."this is how you look something up" type of thing I can print out for him.

I suppose I could write this on my own, but I have a feeling something someone else did would carry more authority.

Thanks for listening. I'm very frustrated right now.