Coloring Your Hair/ A Thread for Men and Women

Alas, to match the hair on my head, I would need to shave.

George, I would leave the beard as-is. I think it's very dashing! A nice trim greying beard looks quite distinguished.

Osso, what you said here: put my feeling into words perfectly. I may even have my boyfriend read your post, it's very well said, much better than I've been able to express it. You do have a gift for expressing things well! That has been the exact thought in my mind that I hadn't been able to put into words. I think the only thing I can do is keep doing what I want and he just has to see that I won't be told what to do! I'm a stubborn Irish lass, after all, that's why I decided I needed the red hair to have the full package...

Thank you again to Chai, Phoenix, J_B, Soz, mac, and eoe for your responses, I've reread what you all said again, because I'm still kind of wrestling with how to feel about this!

I'm sure it sounds like just a goofy little thing, but it worried me a bit. I don't know if I can explain this well, but it was nice to hear that strong women who I respect have had similar experiences, because at first I felt like "Oh my God, I got involved with some old-fashioned chauvinist who thinks he should control me and no smart woman would put up with this!" I'm relieved to hear I'm not the only one who deals with a guy that exhibits a little of those male hang-ups on long hair, "naturalness," etc.! Does that make sense at all, I hope?

Hair coloring is just too much fun to let a stick-in-the-mud man keep you from it!

Yes it makes perfect sense.

I color my hair a color my husband likes because I want to do something I know would please him. Like him getting the coffee ready the night before pleases me.

Not because I have to.

Chai, that's what I struggle with, you know: where is the line when you're trying to please your partner in a good way, and when are you just getting pushed around?? I suppose the line is just what you feel comfortable with. I considered our hair compromise to be that I don't do short cuts, but I can do whatever color I choose-- but he apparently thought the deal was that he had say in ALL of it! I have very low tolerance for being controlled at all, so it's difficult for me to judge when I'm overreacting.

Don't change a thing, George, you darling.

Cypher, as you know issues of control and pleasing can be tricky. Me, I think learning who you yourself actually are and what you think are an ongoing adventure in life, possibly even the prime adventure. I think being a good mate has a lot to do with enhancing this development in yourself and your partner, and not making them stick by your sense of them on such and such a date.

Of course this is a sticky wicket, as a relationship has to do with your continuing interconnection, continuing conversation as you both grow. (I hate the word grow, but you get the idea.) I think working out a mutual path in life is fraught enough without having to do such and such re grooming.
Yet, pleasing is sometimes a gift. I guess I don't think Hair Color gets to be a permanent gift, but that's me.

And the matter of natural and artificial as clearly separate is also apt to have resonance in other aspects of your life. One can carry that idea a long long way; it could potentially be a stumbling block.

I guess I think your partner can keep his own hair absolutely natural.

Cyphercat...do you make the decisions about how he styles his hair? Or whether he decides to shave his whole face or leave a beard or mustache?

I have absolutely NO say over my husband's appearance, and likewise he has no say over mine. We are adults...we are not each other's parent.

I think you should please yourself, and your partner should be happy if you are happy.

George, just leave it the way it is. It only looks a little bit like Hitler-- no one would even notice unless you mentioned it first.

Syn!

Howya doin' girl?

My stance has always been that it's best to always try to outgive your partner. If having your hair a certain way doesn't bother you and is something you know your partner will like, then do it. Your partner, if he/she cares about you at all will reciprocate in some other fashion. It's give and take on both sides.

However, it IS your hair, and if having it a certain way rates a 9 on your desire scale, and only a 5 on his, then do it your way. That's just my opinion on it.

Doing very well. And you?

Fine, thanks.

And what about your auburn tresses?

They're doing well also. Why do you ask?

Well, this is a coloring-your-hair thread.

Oh, it is? I was looking for you, and I found you here.

Well, that was fruitless.

Oh, I'm sorry!
(I must have dozed off in the beautician's chair.)

My Mom colors her hair and has for sixty years. I am of the opinion that a vast number of her maladies, especially headaches, are brought on by the harsh chemicals used in the process.

What do you think?

I've wondered about that too, cj...It's a lot of chemicals to have soaking into your skin. Just breathing the fumes is pretty noxious. Who knows how much she's absorbed after sixty years!

I had my hair colored today. A soft reddish brown. I like it. It's a good color for me and will allow the gray to blend in and not be as noticeable as when my hair was darker.

Even as a baby, very odd